Part 21

Now that Farley's back to fighting strength I need to find a way to shake this guy off. So far everyone I've encountered has been either dead weight or an enemy or some combination of the two (That's right, I went there Wahooka!). Maybe if I spooky my introductory speech up a little

By Thera's blue balls, this guy's got a voice almost as rough and manly as Kathleen Turner! Him reciting poetry at the enemy is going to be more damaging than six rocks to the tooth. You're in! For ease of telling you two apart, Karzac (shit, it's even a manly name) will be DwarfOne and Farley, you'll be DwarfZero

Hold on an arbitrary measurement of time here, you're the one who regularly brings things to a grinding, uh, stop, I guess, to tell me that a wall is mysterious or that you don't know who did this or that. You're the crown prince of jibber jabber beardo, so you're calls to hurry up don't carry much water with me. Certainly not as much as my stately sheep's bladder

Brevity thy name is Karzak. If I was still gay I'd be all over you, simian levels of body hair be damned! Again, that is

Well this is odd. The mighty throgs who captured Farley (and his probably equally effiminate brother) left him with all of his equipment, but the tiny shargas managed to strip Karzak down to his dwarven underoos? Lucky for him I'm a compulsive collector of all things shiny and all things not shiny

Say Farley, how about being a good sport and giving Karzak that swank shit I got for you earlier? Come on, be a team player. Do the right thing. Ok then I guess not. Just don't be surprised if next time you go down you stay down

Let's get him Karzac, exact your revenge for your incarceration and subsequent sexual abuse at the hands of a marauding human adventurer who, while he may appear identical to me in every way, was most assuredly not me. Let loose the substantially smaller dogs of war!

Or just die. If I wasn't such an upstanding guy I'd smear this shit all over you before waking you up again. But this shit has a different destination, a more obstinate one with a stupid name and a stupid brother and a stupid face. Moving on

We need to shuffle on, but the path is blocked by these spears and the switch is all the way over there. We'll need some kind of projectile to hit it with. Farley, toss Karzac's carcass! No? Well I'll just throw a stone then. But don't be surprised if my diary entry reflects my displeasure

It's good to have you back Karzac! Course it cost me most of my root collection, but at least I got to rhyme back with Karzac, so not all it lost. Nice axe face plant on that snake. It appears that your are finally ready for an epic battle of monsteronomous proportions. I pity the next creature we encounter

I knew that voice would come in handy. Enemies are already pre-emptively surrendering to us because they hear Karzac talking in the distance. You're better sounding, have more hitpoints and haven't irritated me to the point of inducing blood in my stool yet, so you're three notches above Farley. Let me do the talking Karzac, I don't want this guy's face to melt off just yet

Who asked you? Any more comments from the peanut gallery may result in us settling this in Stonekeep's oldest traditional method of resolving disputes: Steel Toe Rochambault. The only time Elizabeth ever came out ahead in a struggle with LumberJack Fats. And of course I get to go first

"We come in peace"? That's the lamest thing I've ever heard anyone say in any contexts anywhere. If Farley and Karzac were to thunder punch my jugular right now I'd bear them no ill will

Well that's a bonus at least. No matter how retarded the thing I said was, you can always count on a cave dwellar to say something even more eye strainingly stupid. You're all stunties, be more specific!

I'm team leader, all contact with my people has to go through the appropriate channels (namely, me) and I'll pass it on. Another slip up like that chodachud and I'll be wearing your balls like a hat, and that's going to be really awkward for you stuck on the top of my head

In your home? Where you live, work, eat, sleep, and do whatever else you crazy sun fearing losers do? What are you doing here?

Home? There aren't any homes down here, just a series of connected hallways. Nice try gecko but I'm not falling for your clever ruse. I'm calling you out!

And if you don't produce a "scaly-one", whatever the hell that could possibly be, I'll tear you a new ass and then violate it, which is going to be even worse for me than you but I'll do it just for spite! Because I don't have much else..

What an intricate web of deceit. I'm all turned around now, this guy is good. I sure hope one of the other two was paying attention because I'm circling the drain here

He's on the move again. Good. Now I'll get to see this "scaly-one", even though nothing I've encountered has led me to believe anything that fits that description lives anywhere near here

Well shit, I'd forgotten all about you. Boy is my face red. Not as red, however, as this bitch who's about to take three axes to the fucking face