Part 1: Update One: Just Another Day as Jumpman

One of the best collaborative efforts, I think. Especially when you consider the series of RPG's it spawned on the GBA and DS.



I always thought this title screen was very impressive. I first played this when I was a child and that screen has forever been burned into my brain.



Since we're starting a new game here, we have to name our save file. We have eight letters to work with, so if you have a suggestion, BOLD it and I'll choose either the most popular or whichever I like the most.



Until then, we'll just go with my opinion of Mario when compared to Luigi. Let's get this game rolling, shall we?



We open to a scene of a clear, very nice blue sky with some butterflies flittering around. That's an interesting looking house in the background.



Look at Toadstool and how happy she is. And it is Toadstool here, as Peach didn't become popular here in the U.S. until Super Mario 64 came out, even though Yoshi's Safari called her Peach first. And if you're wondering what Yoshi's Safari is, you might want to leave it that way.



And things quickly go downhill for Toadstool.



Very downhill.







I wonder if whoever lives in that house back there is capable of helping.



I shoulda guessed only Mario would have a warp pipe sticking out of his house. If he held his animated counterpart's personality, the other end would be in the nearest pasta joint.



Mario leaps right into action, ready for his weekly Toadstool rescue.





Bowser slowly floats across the sky and descends into his castle, to do...Whatever the hell he does with Toadstool when he captures her. Tea parties?



Mario is hot on their heels, having apparently bypassed those Goddamned Chocolate Islands.



The door opens and Mario gives himself some room to build up speed.



He rushes right into the castle and does it fast enough to where I had trouble capturing it. Even though I took this shots from a video. He moves really damn fast.






Click me to hear some music!

We're given control after that short intro, but, crossing the empty foyer, all we can do is run and jump. No menus for us yet.



Almost immediately, enemies are encountered in the next room.



I'll play battle music! Love me!

These are Terrapins. They have 10 HP, with no weaknesses or anything they're strong against. As should be expected for the first enemies of the game, they can only perform a basic attack and go down in a single shot.



Since Mario currently has no weapon equipped, his only option of attack is to pop those sonsabitches right in the jaw.

There's also a lot going on here with how menus work, but I'll cover those next update, when the game gives us a handy tutorial about the core mechanic of combat.



The Terrapins are going to attempt to match Mario's punching prowess, but the results leave something to be desired.



For now, these enemies drop no rewards, including no experience or coins. These battles are just to warmup and get a quick look at the battle screen. If you know what you're doing, there's no point in fighting these fights, but for a first-timer, it is handy.



These two Terrapins outside of the door to the next room are unavoidable. They open into two pairs of them, but the fight is nowhere near dangerous.



Though, one thing I have noticed about this game that I don't get (and can't seem to find anything on) is that the damage seems to fluctuate in odd ways. I hit the first two Terrapins for 18 damage, but this one took 24. It happens quite frequently, so I don't think it's a critical hit. As far as I know, this game has no critical element, so if someone can shine some light on this, it'd be greatly appreciated.



Orange Fluffy Sheep shows off his knowledge of game mechanics yet again, swooping in and saving my ass from having to hunt something down on GameFAQs. Or a Google search. Either way, the mechanic is actually fairly simple.



Anywho, moving into the next room, it holds nothing but two bridges, lava and



the most fireballs ever.



After Mario crosses the second bridge, it collapses into the lava.





The next room is, I think, a throne room of sorts. Or the closest thing Bowser has to a throne room in this castle.



And there's no princess in here. Son of a bitch.



Even Mario is all, "The fuck, man?"



I...Would have never considered looking up.



I'd be a terrible hero.



Mario attempts to leap to her, but is coming up just a tad short.



Bowser finds his attempt pitiful and weak. Hell, Toadstool doesn't even look amused.



Mario decides to quickly redeem himself and prepares for a rumble with Bowser. Probably the sixteenth this year alone.





And Bowser taunts him with a line Skeletor would be proud of.



So, let's slug him.



Usually, in this game at least, there's not that much of a difference between damage to random mobs and damage to bosses. Doing a third less damage than usual is off-putting, to say the least.





Well, that was pathetic. Bowser here has 320 hitpoints, but absolutely pathetic attack. It's impossible, beyond hacking, to do that much damage to him. However, if you do get rid of all his HP, he still won't go down. He's scripted to stick around, no matter what, and he won't fall to instant kill attacks, either. No wonder the Mushroom Kingdom hasn't gotten rid of this guy. He's like the Sentry or something.

On a side-note, Jump, being quite a bit stronger than your regular attack, deals 0 damage. Why?

Bowser has spikes. There's something later on that'll circumvent this, but we'll get to that when the time comes.



After trading a few more blows with Bowser, Toadstool kicks in with this bit of advice. It's also the key to winning the fight.



Though, if you keep hitting Bowser, he says this and tells you to put some muscle into it. After he says this, he starts taking 0 HP of damage for every attack, while Toadstool just repeats to attack the chain.



So, we're going to hit it with our only special skill; Jump.



It's only slightly more effective than our regular attack.



Another jump, and this fight is over.

The Kinklink has 60 HP, which seems like a ton compared to the Terrapins from earlier, but if you use Jump, it'll take two of them at most to finish it.



Ah, Bowser. He really does have the best animations in the game.



Though, at times, he is a righteous dickhole.





Well, I'm sure it tried.



Now, I'd like you to imagine Mario replacing Moe in The Three Stooges.



"What? No."



Oh, Bowser, you hammer-throwing jerk.



I honestly don't know what she wants him to fight here.



Why didn't he chuck those hammers at our Kinklink earlier? Or throw them when he saw Mario below, before he spotted Toadstool?





That's...A hell of a fall. Like, over two hundred feet.



Bwahahaha, Bowser's still crying.



No, not really. Not really at all.



Well, Mario is one of the good guys. Many consider him to be one of the best guys, even.



Normally, I'd be talking shit here, but Bowser did turn on some invulnerability last fight.















I love how happy Toadstool looks here. Even though it's a sprite, I've seen hi-res models that don't show happiness half as well.



Mario shimmies up the Kinklink.





Suddenly, the castle shakes and both Mario and Toadstool, appropriately enough, panic.



She looks very calm, despite what the situation and punctuation dictate. Maybe it's Mario screaming his only lines in the game?



There's a sudden cut to the outside and a very pretty, very big star.



Or stars, rather.



That's quite a sword there. And the stars are circling around it as it slowly descends.



The sword begins to rapidly spin and--Ah, hell, just see it in motion.





And the stars that surrounded the sword rain down across the world.



Mario's ass is launched from the castle, across what looks to be quite a sizable gap between Mario's house and said castle.



Here's Toad, calmly waiting outside Mario's house.



Though, I may be being too gracious, it's really more of a shack. Oh, and there's Mario.



If I may say so, that was one hell of a shot.



Toad, appropriately, shits himself. I know I would.



He rushes into Mario's house, presumably to see just how many Mario bits there are scattered about.



And he literally screeches to a halt. It's little touches like that that I love in this game.



"Oh, 'sup, Toad?"



Aw, shaddup.



Not entirely Mario's fault, though. Personally, I'd blame the gigantic-ass sword.



I certainly hope Mario doesn't need any help getting down. That looks a mite difficult to maneuver out of.



Or not.



Mario proceeds to shut off his lamp, deciding not to waste whatever electric source he has out here.



No, wait, that switch just TURNS OFF THE FUCKING SUN!



I really love the bubble coming out of his nose here. It usually makes me giggle.



And this seems like as good a place as any to end this first update. Next time, we'll cover the battle mechanics and fight the first boss! See you next time!