Part 12: Update Twelve: Mine Cart Madness

Last time on Super Mario RPG, we explored the Pipe Vault, found a few secrets, and discovered an island populated by nothing but Yoshi's. But, we'll be visiting that island later, as today, we're going to go find our third Star Piece. Strap in kids, this is going to be a long update. So, let's get this show on the road.



This is where we're spending our day today. The dungeon here is fairly short, so we can do it all in one shot.



All the houses here are these little shacks with tin roofs. I wonder if they're hot.



All the residents here are moles, too. Big moles, little moles, mommy moles and daddy moles. They're fairly nice folk.



Plus, I can't help but think the little moles are kind of adorable. (please don't label me as a furry)



The shop here has some very useful items. I'll be spending some of my hard earned blood Coins here.



If you didn't go back and visit Gaz, you'd have to buy Geno's Finger Shot here. Which kind of makes me wonder where Gaz got his. Anyways, Mario gets a Punch Glove, and Mallow snags a pair of Cymbals.



Pants are usually Mallow's territory for armor, but the Work Pants are different. The other armors here add a bit more Defense for the characters (with the exception of the Mega Cape), but the Work Pants are a whole lot better.

They add +5 Speed, +10 Attack, +15 Defense, +10 Magic Attack, and +5 Magic Defense. They only cost 22 coins a pair, and they raise your fucking SPEED. Speed is a pain in the ass to increase in this game, so anything that gives more is a great item, not to mention the other boosts it gives. Work Pants are a great investment here, and if you do not buy them, then you deserve to be hit with a hammer.



I wonder what's over here. This town is actually a pretty good size.



Oh, shit. The Koopa Troop. Their numbers seemed to have thinned a bit, though.



Bowser's here, too? Jesus, he looks like he's in rough shape. What the hell happened?



Aaaaah!



...Were those the Goombas I encountered in the Pipe Vault?



So, that's it. They went and fought Smithy's crew. Looks like they wiped the floor with them.



: I'm the biggest, baddest brute around and don't you forget it. But if Mario hears I've been kicked out of my own castle...



You gotta admit, Bowser's a dude that knows the importance of keeping up appearances.



: Let's show 'em who's the boss around here.





Bowser and his crew march off, perhaps to try and find more recruits? Maybe make a new battle plan, since their last one didn't work.





They...Uh...Marched right past us? Damn, Bowser really is focused.





:Please Mario, you gotta help us!





Let's go see if maybe we can keep up.







She reluctantly leaves, knowing the other mole is right. I feel kind of bad for her, really.



:We're gettin' nowhere fast! We'll never reach the kids at this rate!



:But we can't reach it anymore! If only that fellow...uh...Mario were here! He could reach that in a heart beat.



Mario's a man who understands just how important timing can be on an entrance.









I like these guys. All the moles are cool, really. They're just so down...To earth?



How bad can this mine be?



...I think we found the mole equivalent of that child you hide in the attic.



Here, we have two new enemies; Magmites and Bob-Ombs. The Sparky over there is nothin' new or special and the same they were in the Pipe Vault.



Magmites are interesting. They only have 26 HP, but very high Defense. They're immune to Jump, but weak to Ice (which we don't have at the moment), and if you can defeat them with a physical, they will, without fail, drop a Lucky Flower. This place is great to earn either double experience or Coins, especially since both Mario and Geno can one shot them. Also, their Magic Defense, as to be expected, is completely pathetic, being a whole entire 1.



Bob-Ombs are really nothing special. 90 HP and weak to Jump and Fire elements, they suicide if not killed in one hit. They also have a small chance of dropping Pick Me Ups.



After battle rewards aren't too bad. Most of the Lucky Flowers I got here offered me the chance to double my Coins. Since I sold all my old equipment, I was back at max coins. The Froggie Stick sold for 90 Coins, by the by. I hope that doesn't upset Frogfucis.



Meet the Clusters. Immune to Jump element, but with only 60 HP, they're very easy to kill. However, hit 'em with a Special that doesn't drop 'em? They use Psyche, the first attack in the game that can instantly kill a character. They also drop Defense Up Flowers.



Rewards aren't too bad, considering the effort it takes to drop these guys.







Psyche is a kamikaze attack, by the way.



Like I said, it will immediately kill a character without adequate protection. The only other way to avoid this is to block it with that character, but it leaves them with 1 HP. In a larger encounter, this could be problematic, but here, it's not even an issue.



Besides, it gives me a reason to use up some of those Mushrooms I picked up back in the Forest Maze.



About the bird? (I'm sorry )



Mushroom Guy: If I find it, I'm gonna sell it to someone in town! I'm in it for the money!

Chances that "someone in town" will be us? 98.45%.



I hate these fuckers. Fast enough to outspeed Mario and Mallow, and with high enough Defense and HP (150) that I can't one shot them. They can also silence party members, along with using Magic Attacks. They're not difficult or problematic, but irritating.



Plus, I think they're fucking creepy.



Even hitting them kind of gives me the heebie-jeebies.



This is a dead-end, by the way. The exit here is just below the platform.



Alright, so I can leave if I need to. Still, a trampoline in a mine seems...Misplaced.



Heading to the right, we find tracks. Following them, we crush some Magmites.



And come to a dead end. Well, we can still head left of that trampoline.





It's very nice when you can double your experience points.





Now, I don't know a ton about mines, but shouldn't they be clear of infestations like this? Unless those miners are just mining and kicking ass as they need to.



Geno hits level 10 here, and snags an extra +6 HP.



Since Mario and Mallow are close to their levels, I decide I may as well get them their levels. It seems only fair to me.



In my impromptu and small grinding session, I find Pa'Mole.



Hell yeah, I can go find a bomb. Actually, there are man-sized ones just wandering around not ten feet away. You just couldn't, you know, go snag one?



Mario hits level 12, and I love that face on him. He gets an extra +2 Attack. I wish I could give those HP boosts to his Attack.



Mallow follows suit shortly afterward, and gets himself an extra +3 to Attack. I've got a nice crew of bruisers here.



Son of a bitch. I should have known better than to trust mine trampolines.



Oh, and this cocksucker's back! And he's fucking robbing me!



I suppose my opinion doesn't matter here, does it?



And he tea-bags me before running off. I'm going to kick the shit out of Croco.





That son of a bitch really did steal all 999 of my Coins. Oddly enough, he didn't touch any of the items or the Frog Coins, which are, y'know, the real valuables here.



: Heh, heh...I've got a bomb...! Never leave home without 'em.





I feel obligated to bitch about Mario just standing there, but that joke's been done to death.



But, what's the deal with airline food?







I swear, Croco wasn't this fast before.



GOTCHA BITCH!



So, Croco. Remember that last fight with him? Pretty much the same thing here, but I have the benefit of Geno Boost and bigger fireballs here.





Croco has 750 HP max, by the way. I love Geno Boost.



Geno used it on himself, too, and contributes like a champ here.



: You've got to take me down first!



Croco, after dropping his HP below 400, steals all your items.



That doesn't do a Goddamn thing for his life expectancy.



: Here's your junk. I'm outta here!



Nice way to shaft me on experience points, you fuck. Not to mention you also dropped fifty useless Coins.



Pa'Mole will be happier than a worm in a rainstorm.



: All rightee! Stand back! Close your eyes...



Nah, you stay back. I don't think you can keep up, Pa.



: Let's mosey along now.



Well, then, I'm countin' on ya to find the kids, you hear?





Heading up top here is a good idea. There's a very sexy item just up ahead.











If you want some commentary there, just loop a maniacal laugh in your mind over and over again. I figured seeing five pictures captioned, "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" would get a little boring.



Usually, I'd use that save point as a good stopping point, but the boss of this area is in the next room. So, let's get this area done.



And pick up a Flower on our way.



Jesus Fuck, what is that!?





Oh, an asshole. I should have known.



Good God, it bounced me off the save point. I'm going to go bounce his skull off the tracks.



: The name's Nello...PUNCHINELLO!

: Punchinello...? Never heard of ya.



: but I'll show them! You...YOU will make me famous! So long!



Any boss fight Geno participates in, expect this to be his first action. God, I love how fast he is.



I also love Geno Boost. Punchinello has 1200 HP at max, which puts him (her? It? If anyone wants to try and explain what the hell Punchinello is, be my guest. I got nothin'.) with the highest HP total we've seen so far. And Punchinello is immune to the Jump element, too, but that's not really a detriment.



He'll also drop down bombs of various sizes the more damage you do. The one in front there is going to suicide against Mallow for 1 damage.



Thunderbolt is very nice for wiping out large groups of weak enemies, and this is a perfect example. Not a ton of damage to Punchinello, but enough to wipe out his cronies there.



: Now let's up the ante!



A hit from Geno puts him into his next stage, where he drops regular Bob-Ombs. If you're not as ridiculously overlevelled as I am, focusing on them isn't a bad idea. As for me, I focus on brutalizing Punchinello as much as I can.



Any way I can.



Geno, you beautiful bastard!



: It's CLOBBERING TIME!



Those bombs may look intimidating, but they're nothing to worry about. Just keep on kicking Punchinello's ass.



: I must be dreaming! I'm ruined! I didn't want to do this, but now, I have NO CHOICE!!



Mallow, why are you acting like a badass? Mario and Geno did all the heavy lifting here.



: I'm not gonna waste this on YOU. Who knows what might happen?



Yeah, Geno, tell that bitch.



: I've got my pride. Now you're in for it!



Punchinello leaps and stomps on the ground. He repeats this process a few times.



: Why isn't it working?



Oh, my. That might qualify as hard to handle.



: If this thing explodes, we're history!!

: This is a fine mess!

: Let's scram! NOW!





Son of a bitch...



: NO!!



Well, guys, end of LP. I think I had a good run.



Oh, nope. It was just the rare, impotent Blackface Bomb.



Racism, weaponized.





By the by, that cocksucker Punchinello doesn't drop any experience or Coins. What a fucking dickhole.



: Come on Mario, let's GO!



The Star Piece spits out some sparkles that automatically clean us up.





And now we have three out of seven. This one was far too easy.



Goddammit, Geno, that's MY line!





Well, hell, talk about convenient. We found Dyna and the way out with only a modicum of effort.



Sorry about the length here, folks. The Mines didn't really have a good stopping point in the middle, and I didn't want to have to cut it off just before the Punchinello fight. I'm ending it with a video because the Mine Cart Ride is immensely boring in screenshot form. The end of the video takes us to the beginning of the next update.

Speaking of which, next time, we'll go to another new area and snag a new party member. Get ready to vote, folks, because do I want to use the new guy, and who am I going to boot out of my party? By the way, the new guy?



Make your choices, folks, and if you could, BOLD that shit up.