Part 26: Update Twenty Five: Desert Punk

Last time on Super Mario RPG, we began our journey through Land's End. Today, we're going to finish it and encounter a familiar face before we're done...



So, we're in the desert.



These whirlpools are our ticket out of here; in some of them, we'll see a Shogun pop up (uh, the enemy, not like Nobunaga's making a cameo), and that's the one we have to duck into.



On the next screen, there's three of 'em.



So, I decide to go back and take the whirlpool on the right. Why?

I don't know! I was high on painkillers at the time.



We wind up here, to where we can see our first target. The Stingers are here to distract you, as fighting them may make you forget which whirlpool to take.



But, it's easy enough to rush up into the Shogun's grill and drop them like they're hot.



We've covered these guys already, but it does make me wish I had swapped out Mallow for Bowser; Mallow can't one shot these guys.



I mentioned that Shoguns have Carni-Kiss. I also wondered if it was as effective as Hidon's.



It's not. I'm a little disappointed.



Anywho, these battles have some nice rewards attached to them. You have to fight four or five to get out of here, so I see no reason to complain.



Now, it might look like I took this screenshot before I entered the whirlpool, but I didn't.



The whirlpools shift around sometimes, after defeating their inhabitant. It's kind of a dick move, but as long as you pay attention to which one you need, it's easy. They don't move too fast.



We get barfed out the other side, in a new area.



It's rinse and repeat here; find Shogun, kill Shogun, enter whirlpool.



But, Bowser hit level 19! He gains +3 HP for his bonus this level.



In this next area, we see a strange ball of gas.



Since it's new and unfamiliar, let's kill it.



Formless, huh? It doesn't respond to physical attacks, and it only has 10 HP. Since I don't feel like burning a ton of FP, I'll just burn a bit and it at the same time.



Mario has a Geno Boost on him, too. The Formless is nothing special. Well, it kind of is. You'll see.





Meet Mokura. He's a kind of hidden boss in this game. I have no idea what he's supposed to be, why he's here, or why he looks like Bowser's Poison Gas attack.



He's got a bit of power behind his attacks, but stat-wise, he's nothing special.



He's got 620 HP at max, and access to Static E, Crystal, Solidify, Electroshock and, as we've seen, Bolt. He's also immune to Jump and Thunder.





And he does qualify as a boss; no Geno Whirling him into oblivion here.





Fire works just fine, though.



And good ol' fashioned fisticuffs. It's quicker that way, so I decide to finish the battle off next turn.



Geno Boost really goes a long way toward increasing ass-kicking potential. I love seeing numbers like this.



His rewards are pretty "meh" for a hidden boss. You'd think you'd get at least some sort of cool item or something, but no. Mokura is just...There. He exists and I have no fucking idea why.



But, let's continue on. We have a bit more to do today, but Mokura was just an oddity I wanted you all to see. I tend to forget he exists most of the time.



We're almost at the end here. This Shogun can pop between whirlpools; I think they all can do that, but I only saw this Shogun actually do it.



The whirlpools here also move between each other and intertwine, giving you a pretty good chance of accidentally entering a whirlpool instead of catching the Shogun.



This isn't the exit to this area, but it'll be important later.





It's too spooky for me! I'm heading back to Monstro Town! See ya!



The edge of the world, folks. We'll be returning here soon to scale this wall.





We're done in the desert now, by the by. That Shogun was the last we had to find!



We're dropped into this area, which has a shitload of Geckits and treasure. So, experience and treasure. My two favorite things!











There's a pit, which you gotta drop in to get further in. There's a shitload of Geckits in here, too. My star ran out just before that, so I actually had to fight that Geckit.



There's something quite fun behind the boxes here.



I don't worry about money anymore; 400 Coins won't matter much here. Money is pretty useful, don't get me wrong, but it's easy to get back, so 400, despite being nearly half of the max, isn't really as much as it seems to be.



400 Coins is a good trade, considering I get to soak up all the juicy experience and not have to do any of that pesky fighting.













...Wait, Belome Temple? Why the fuck does this guy have a temple dedicated to him!?



Geno hitting level 21 is nice, though, especially with the +3 to Attack he picks up as a bonus.



Toadstool hits level 19, too, and gets another insane +9 to her HP.



For 100 Coins, we can get out of here. No thanks, buddy. Belome Temple isn't very big, so it'll just take a minute to get through it.





Conveniently enough, that chest to the left held 50 Coins.



And since we kind of gotta do this to get out of here, I accept.



I hit left, right, center for my fortune.



you in the future.

This block lets us reach the top and head toward that next room.





Since it's either go back and burn another 50 Coins or go down the pipe, I make the economically responsible decision.



And immediately find a chest containing a Yoshi's Cookie. These can be fun in battle, so I'll show this off later. Also, Jesus Christ, I have a lot of shit in my inventory. I had to throw out an Able Juice to fit this in.



This chest holds 150 Coins. I'm guessing it's to help recoup your potential losses after the star and 100 Coin exit. But, since there's not another fortune telling room up, I don't really see the point here.



This is just them being nice. I think I have 49 Frog Coins now.



Anhywho, enter this room and hit the statue to get another scroll. These scrolls just tell you where that yellow block is going to take you.



The guy there just tells you what the block does; I'll be coming back here for this scroll, but right now, it's useless to me.







Unfortunately, he means a real key. We don't get to fight gold-plated Belome here.



Here we go; this is the scroll we need to get out of here. I wonder what fat bastard is on the other end of the yellow block.



I'm sure you all are going to be very surprised when you find out the answer.



What's Belome doing here? Didn't we kill him back in the Kero Sewers? Why does he have his own temple?



Who the hell knows? I sure don't!



Since I had a whole 1 FP entering this battle, Geno uses a Maple Syrup to start us off.



So, it's Belome. He's not all that different from how he was in Kero Sewers, except his stats and HP have been increased accordingly, and he's picked up a new ability.





Belome has 1200 HP at max, and a few different spells which he didn't use here.





after just one slurp. Watch!



He's picked up a gimmick, though. It's kind of amusing more than anything else.





He eats Mallow. I can't imagine how good a pile of fluff would be, unless he tastes like marshmallows. Even then, I could only eat a few Mallows before I became tired of them.



Belome, on the other hand, apparently believes he's delicious.



But, as the Romans of yesteryear, vomits him back up to enjoy even more food.





I can't imagine it's what really happens, but I firmly believe that Belome, after eating a party member, he literally farts out a clone. The Mallow clone only has 150 HP and an immunity to Ice and Thunder, which I understand completely. He has access to the Thunder-type enemy spells, but a good whack or a Pure Water will remove him easily.





He repeats this dialog every time he eats someone. I'm just glad voice acting practically didn't exist back here, because I'm sure Belome's voice would be one of the most irritating things in any game ever and hearing this as a soundbite every round or two would drive me fucking nuts.



Apparently, portly Italian fellows don't taste good. Who would have imagined.



Another fart, another clone. Mario's clone has 200 HP, and immunity to Jump and Fire. He just has a generic attack, and Pure Water or a good hit will take him out. This clone here just reeks of .



The wooden doll tastes bitter. I'm sure there's a joke there, but I can't think of it.



250 HP for this clone with...An immunity to Ice? What the hell? I can understand why he's weak to Fire, he's a friggin' wooden doll, but why in the hell is he immune to Ice? He can also use Flame Stone. What the fuck?



Anyway, it was here I decided Belome needed to take another dirt nap. The man on a mission from God calls in for a bit of assistance.



Air strike successful; thanks for the backup, big guy.





Even without my advanced levels, Belome is a friggin' joke. The clones are cool, but I really think we could have done without him here. Or hell, just a new boss enemy that cloned your party members.



Goodbye, boys and girls!



He explodes into Coins, as is customary.



And that's the last we'll see of Belome!



Hitting this button opens that gate over there; I honestly expected some sort of throwback to the last time this happened, but there's nothing. I'm a little disappointed, Square.







We'll be back here soon, but for the most part, we're done here and never have to return. Belome's Temple feels a little lackluster to me; I honestly think just a generic temple with a generic boss would have fit the bill just as well. Maybe it's just me.



But, here we are in Monstro Town. There's that key up there, and it's to get past that golden Belome down in the temple. But, that's not all that's interesting here.







Mario invites her to do the YMCA, as it spreads cheer and goodwill.



Or he's asking about the Star.



I'm concerned as to why these people checked to see if the Star Piece was male or female. Or how they did it, really.



But, before we do that, there's a bit more to do in Monstro Town. The next door holds these fellows.



Hey, don't give me too much credit.



No, seriously, don't. I save-stated my way to 100. I'm terrible at Super Jumping after about a dozen. If I even get that far.





See this here Attack Scarf? It's a pretty badass accessory. How badass, you ask? It adds +30 TO ALL STATS. Thirty points to every stat. And it fits in the accessory slot.







The Super Suit is a piece of armor. It almost puts the Attack Scarf entirely to shame. See, it adds +50 TO ALL STATS. Except Speed; it only gets a +30 bonus. And since it's an armor, it can stack with the Attack Scarf, turning one person into an unstoppable killing machine of deathy doom.





Talking to this Thwomp results in him slamming down and saying something different. He's got five or six different bits of dialog.







To break it up, let's chat to the Piranha Plant.





Check out the bonus videos to learn more!



He'll say this a couple more times, but there's a point to all of this.



Remember that key up top? Talking to this Thwomp will knock it down eventually. With this key, we can get some nice treasure from the temple.



And finally, we have the Item Shop. Get ready for some heart warming shit, folks.







A fair question. I thought they all had been killed in the battle with Smithy.



I can only imagine how terrified this Goomba must feel.



Bowser may very well kill him the next second, but this Goomba doesn't appear to be scared. He's got some stones, I'll admit.



I'd be more impressed if it were a Hot Fish Shop.



He's even got little ones. Maybe he's willing to fight Bowser, since he's come so far.







Man, I almost want you to join my party after this. I have a feeling we're dealing with a pretty boss Goomba.



Don't worry about it, Goomba. I already have.



...Eh?





Maybe Bowser ain't such a bad boss. I shoulda known he was a big softie.







Only Bowser gets upgrades here, but that only seems right. The Spiked Link, I think, might be his most badass weapon in the entire game. I'll be showing it off soon.



No problem. This note is pinned next to the exit of Monstro Town.



This last door is the last thing we're doing in Monstro Town this update.



I'm sure nothing bad can happen in a free bed, in a town full of monsters, when three ghosts are giving the offer.







I take it you guys don't know I've met some family members of yours, huh? I'm glad they don't ask.



'sup.







I knew I wasn't the only one fascinated by those!



In a manner of speaking. I'll pass along a message.







It really is a pretty sweet prize. It's also pretty easy to get.





See you guys in a bit. I'll just stay here.



Uh...Thanks for that reassurance, sentient mushroom lamp.









Alright, kiddies, it's time for some more thread participation. If you know where these flags are, don't ruin it for the rest that don't. If you must, though, put it in spoiler tags. Now, I've shown nearly all the locations where these are hidden; none are in spots we haven't been, except the third one. It's in Yo'ster Isle, since I haven't shown that off.

But, the rest of you, if you look back through the updates and screenshots, you might be able to see where they are. Feel free to take your guesses and in a few updates, I'll show you all where they're hidden.



I won't. The reward here is entirely worth it.



But, it's morning now, and we're ready to be done here.



We're going to stop here for now. Next time, we'll find that star and move beyond the edge of the world.

Bonus Videos

In the door next to the Chow, Thwomp and Piranha Plant house, there's the real hidden boss of this game.

His name is Culex.

And he is a badass motherfucker.