Part 6: Session 4 Part 2: Of Busywork and Fetch Questsk ObscuraHey, William. Glad to see you could make it.
Hey, Hal. Where is everyone?
Bob and Suzie are in their bedroom, doing whatever, Paul went to the gas station for drinks, and Lewis hasnt arrived yet.
So did I miss anything interesting?
Pfff, by your standards? You picked a good time to bail, because we basically ran from one end of the town to the other doing a ton of little quests. Here, lemmie borrow Pauls notes.
Lets see, so the first thing is we got a bunch of quests from the Cuthbert temple. The High Priest guy said
Hey I lost an old holy symbol by the Rainbow Rock go find it for me please thanks
Why does Rainbow Rock sound familiar?
Hmm. *flip* *flip* Oh, thats right, thats the reason were in this place to begin with, we got a tip that theres some money under The Rainbow Rock.
So did you find it, then?
Nah, were probably gonna do that today, instead. Anyway, we found an old lady in the basement who told us
Were a church damnit we shouldnt have to pay for flour like everybody else go shake down the miller
So we just shrugged and said, Sure, whatever.
So we go see the miller and hes all
Dude what the fuck Im a druid
So we go see Jaroo again and he just says
Whatever you figure it out
So Paul gets the idea that the miller should just donate to both so it doesnt look like hes favoring anyone. The miller gets kind of pissed he has to give away so much, but he goes along with it anyway.
Oh, and the millers oddly old assistant wanted to convert to Cuthbert, but the miller didnt want him to, so Paul just said
Balance in everything, so fuck it, bitch
And thats all it took. Lets see now
Oh, right, the Scottish priest wanted us to shake someone down, too. One of the brewers assistants, forget his name.
Anyway, when we see him, hes all
Come on Im a brewers assistant how do I pay these dues
Bitch shoulda thought of that before you joined bitch now cough it up
I can get it next week I swear
So we go easy on him cause its not like its our money. Oh, thats right, the High Priest had a town quest, too. He told us to convert the leatherworker cause that would look good or something.
So we go ask him and he just says
Oh yeah well make my brother not brain-dead and maybe Ill consider it
So we have to run back to the temple to ask the priest but he says
Shit I aint that good
And were kind of stuck for a while but then Bob hints there may be some useful scrolls around, so Suzie steals them, plus a couple potions.
Well, you know, more like blatantly pointing stuff out.
Anyway, after me and Paul ID the scrolls, we find a couple Heal spells and use the spare on the leatherworkers brother. We use it and bam
Hooray I can think again!
Cuthberts a totally rad dude Im totally gonna shack up with him now
And that was that. What next, what next
Oh, right, there was this one farmhouse off to the side with an old dude and a raging bitch. The old dude was all
My daughters a crazy bitch help me get rid of her
Raahh Im a crazy bitch on my period raahh
So we laughed at him and wandered off.
Oh, there was this other old dude who said
Grr adventurers all suck I used to be an adventurer and I sucked now Im a sixty-year-old emo and adventurers are killing my goddamn sheep
But Suzie looked around and found some weeds just dropped in the pasture so the old dude said
What the shit
And when we brought it to the druid guy he said
Thats hemlock the fuck you doing with hemlock
So we told the old guy wed look for anyone killing his sheep Socrates style.
And yeah, there was this kid dropping the stuff in the pasture after dark so we asked him
Why do you hate sixty-year-old emos
Aw shit they gonna kill my family if I dont
But we scared him off and told his dad who said hed get to the bottom of it although we havent heard back yet. We also told the old emo who shouted
I GONNA KILL THAT KID
But we talked him out of it.
Next there was the tailor who wanted to join the militia but couldnt because
Waahh Im too short they dont like short people its totally discrimination
So we needed to find the militia captain and convince him that short people are people, too.
Im a gnome barbarian, though. I probably could have armwrestled the captain and won.
Yeah, but you werent there and no one thought of it.
Instead, Paul fed him some bullshit about how Pelor was going to strike him down if he didnt let the short guy on the team. You shouldve seen Bobs face when he failed the Sense Motive check, it was great.
Hmm, this is just a note that says Jaroo has a chest Suzie couldnt open. We should probably remember that for later.
Oh, right, then one of us made a Spot check and found a courier hiding in a stable. He said
Hey Im waiting for a note from the general store owners oh shit you didnt hear that from me wait never mind fuck it we needed a new mole anyway
Wait, what was that? Did the guy really spill the beans then just run away? And who the hell needs a spy in a dinky little town?
The Temple guys, I guess. I imagine they plan on taking over the world, but theyll need to start out with the nearby villages, after all.
So we go to the general store and tell the fat owner about the courier and hes all
Blrrr Im not fat also Im not a spy
Dude your courier sucks he told us everything
Blrrr heres a +1 sword now shut up about it
So we say Cool, thanks.
Oh, we did find out who was stealing from the one farmer.
Which farmer now?
Oh you remember, the one crotchety guy who wouldnt make up with his brother? Father to Meleny?
Oh right, that.
Yeah, I knew youd remember that. So we spot this one neighboring farmer sneaking around the barn at night and he tells us
Cmon guys my family is starving here
Stealings a crime you go put that away and live on charity like a normal poor asshole
And we decide not to tell on him since hes pretty hard-up already. No sense in grinding him all the way down, at least when no one in the party is Lawful.
So after all that, we finally met the towns bigwigs, Bert and Ernie.
Are those their real names? I forgot.
Nah, its Rufus and Burne. Burnes the wizard, obviously.
Burne was just hanging out selling spell scrollsremind me of that later when I have some real spell levels
But Rufus had some sort of problem with the new castle. Apparently, work was taking longer than it had to and he wanted to speed things up.
So where are they living now?
Some sort of keep. I guess its obsolete or too small or something; we didnt bother asking.
Anyway, after the talk we went to the labor camp and talked with the cook who told us
Yeah theres this one guy whos been around forever I think hes paying off the foreman to stick around and do hard fucking labor outdoors not that thats suspicious or anything
So we visit the worksite and Paul says
Hey Im a new laborer tell me all your secrets
Maybe if you paid me
ILL PAY YOU IN A LACK OF BEATINGS FESS UP
Shit you caught me I work for the Temple via the traders now Im getting out of here because this is some hard fucking labor out in the sun
So there was some question about whether wed tell on the traders even though they paid us off with a magic sword, but since everyone was Chaotic or Neutral we decided that keeping our word for the sake of Evil wouldnt be worth the extra 100 gold Rufus gave us for squealing.
What was Bobs reaction?
Hilarious. He really shouldnt have let us pick our own alignments again.
And thats pretty much what happened last session.
So I didnt miss anything important. Whats next, more town quests?
Nah, this time we go someplace interesting!