The Let's Play Archive

The Bard's Tale

by Stabbey_the_Clown

Part 10: Chapter 3 - 01 / Chapter 2 - 01

Since our "short" stay in Chapter 3 is still 25 images, and since I was planning to break at the ferry for voting anyway, I decided to split off the bulk of Chapter 2 for another update, which gave me enough time to finish this one early.

Chapter 3 - 01 / Chapter 2 - 01

The voters have spoken: We'll be nice to Fiona (twice).


Fiona - Nice, Nice

Fiona - Snarky, Nice

Fiona - Nice, Snarky

Fiona - Snarky, Snarky

: I'm truly sorry milady, but I'm afraid you've mistaken me for someone else. Someone less handsome, I'm sure. I get that all the time.
Fiona: Oh surely you jest. That moonlit night, in the barn, up in the loft, you said you loved me, you said it was the most passionate moment you had ever experienced.

: Can you be more specific? I get a lot of that too. *sigh* Look, I'm sorry. I don't remember you, which means one of two things. Either we've never met, or that night was just magical for one of us.
Fiona: Why I've never been so insulted in all my life.

: Think hard. I'm sure you have.
Fiona: When my father finds out, you'll get what's coming to you. You're nothing but a... a... a beast!
: That obviously didn't bother you before.
Fiona: You'll pay!! I swear to you, you will pay!

With that threat, Fiona turned and ran off.

: I already have. I must get myself a chastity belt, to keep me out of such trouble on such desperate nights.
: You'd do all the world a favor if you threw away the key.

Once the young woman left, the Bard strolled down for the rutted dirt path that passed for main street in Kirkwall.

As he passed by a shop, he glanced inside, and unusually, something caught his eye that neither had breasts, nor was made of precious metals...

It was a slightly tarnished Harp.

We're only buying the harp, but here's a video of the shopkeepers descriptions of each item, and his reactions after buying them.

You guys don't know the effort it takes to get these simple shots, so I'll tell you: In this game, you can only see equipment in stores that's better then the stuff you have - so you can't even see stuff of lower quality, much less buy it. That means in order to show you the responses for the longbow for sale, I had to load a save game from waayy back, before I bought the bow and claymore, before I freed Ketill Swart, and I had to skip through all the dialogue so I could get to the store in Kirkwall as fast as possible.

Even worse, I didn't have enough money for the Chain mail, so I had to do chapter 2 an extra time just so you could see what he says for buying the Chain mail.

Basically, what I'm saying is PLEASE watch the Store-buying video.

The Velvet Hammer - Discriminating Weapons and Armor

The Bard decided to try out his new purchase at the local pub. As per tradition, he summoned the rat, and sent it into the pub.

Rat in the Fat Lute Inn

: Have no fear lass, a simple rat is no match for me.

Tavern Girl: Thank you kindly sir, here's a little reward from me and the tavern.
Reward: 50 silver, 250 Experience

The Bard, already having infuriated one local girl, didn't display the slightest bit of shame as he attempted to flirt with the tavern girl.

: If you ever have any more rat troubles, miss, you just call me and I'll come runnin'.
"Och, You're the nicest fellow in these parts since that Chosen One in the fancy armor that passed by here a few weeks ago," the tavern girl said.
"Oh yes, I know all about those so-called 'Chosen Ones'," the Bard snorted derisively, "They're all a bunch of egotistic fools... looking to scam a few coins out of the locals before vanishing into the night right before your 'hour of greatest need'".

The tavern girl nodded.

"I fear it to be so, Bard, this Chosen One took some coin to clear the wolves out from Old Finn's place, but no one's seen him since, and the wolves are still packed in so tight you could walk across the field without e'er touchin' ground."

She paused to consider, then considered, "Well, actually, ye can't, Dougal Raleigh tried that, and he only made it 15 feet before they tore 'im to pieces."

"Hmmm..." the Bard said, "This Chosen one character was wearing fancy armor, was he?"
"Aye," the tavern girl said, "Why, do ye think ye ken where he is?"

The Bard nodded and said, "I believe that I do."

The Bard passed by a villager on his way to Old Finn's farm, but the warning she delivered was not about the wolves.

The Bard readied his companions, raised his sword and said "Let's kill some wolves!"
The Heroine raised her crossbow, "They shall fall before us!" She paused and looked the Bard up and down, "Well, actually, they'll fall before me. I expect you'll just run away."
The Bard scoffed, "I sincerely doubt that."

"RUN AWAY!" the Bard shouted.

After retreating to safe distance, and making sure the Heroine was in front of him, the Bard pulled out his bow and sniped at the wolves, although he only did small amounts of damage. "I've got to get better at this," he said to himself.

Soon, the wolves were all driven back, and the Bard headed through the fields. He knew exactly where he was going. He was following the crows and vultures. It's remarkable how quickly scavengers and parasites descend to desecrate the dead.

: If you were another of those chosen ones, looks like the only thing you'd have been chosen for is lunch. I'm guessing you don't mind if I borrow this armor. Though it doesn't seem to do much good against wolves.

Oak Leaf Armor

The Bard took the dead boy's armor and purse - still with the 50 silver inside, but as soon as the Bard put the armor on, a trio of Peerie Trow pranced in, and started to sing.

It's Bad Luck to Be You - Wolves

Oh, it's bad luck to be you.
A chosen one of many isn't new
When you think you're full of luck
in the bullock's you'll get struck
Oh, it's bad luck to be you.

The wolves over yonder packed a punch
So listen carefully to our hunch
To be the chosen one
Really sound like loads of fun.
But in the end you'll just be someone's lunch.

Oh, it's bad luck to be you.
The prophecy is never coming true
In a pickle you'll be stuck
Like a chicken you'll cluck
Oh, it's bad luck to be you.

Your mourning for this boy was very brief.
You certainly did not show any grief.
You pillaged his cadaver
But in the end it didn't matter
You're nothing but a two-bit common thief

Oh, it's bad luck to be you.
Don't think for just a second it's not true
When your life has run amuck
You'll see that you're the schmuck.
Oh, it's bad luck to be
Really bad luck to be
Nobody could disagree.
It's a freaking guarantee.
Oh, it's bad luck to be you.
Diddly doo.

Experience: 250

: What the hell was that?

The Bard returned to Kirkwall, and spotted some unattended barrels lying around.
"Easy money," the Bard thought to himself, "I just break a few barrels here and there, pop back into Houton to see the barrel maker, and ... oh no..."
: Oh, yes.

The Bard had forgotten that the Sheriff had forbade him from entering Houton without Ketill Swart in tow. If the Bard ever wanted to make silver hand over fist for nothing more then smashing barrels, there was nothing else to do, but bring Ketill Swart to justice.

Chapter 2

As the Bard strode through Neversdale forest, he could soon hear the telltale grunting of Wild Boars.

The Heroine stunned the Boars with volleys of bolts from her repeating crossbow, and the Thunder Spider zapped the Boars with electricity, as the Bard drove his sword through their thick hides.

Eventually, having no luck scouring the southern part of Neversdale for Ketill Swart's hideout, the Bard came across a swiftly flowing river, and a dock manned by a Peerie trow and an odd little boat.


Chubnik: Welcome, welcome to Chubnik's magical waterway transportation service to ...the future!
: Are you serious?
Chubnik: Not the first time I've been asked that question. Yes, you heard that right. Chubnik's magical waterway transportation service will, for a modest fee, whisk you not just across the raging Chubnik river, but also transport you into... the future!
: How far into the future?

Chubnik: Uh, that depends on how long it takes to cross the river.
: Oh I get it. Nice scam, nice scam. So you are going to take me across that little stream for some ridiculous fee, when I could quite easily take your boat and cross myself, right?
Chubnik: A wise man you are, that is for sure. But wrong you would also be. I of course have taken magical precautions against such an occurrence. Any attempt by someone other then myself to use this boat and it will sink into the river. Not until it reaches the deepest portion of course. Only the tiniest fee is required to garner my services. 15 silver.

Vote: Should the Bard pay the full price, haggle, or intimidate to get passage across? (All options will get us across the river)

All Movies:

Fiona - Nice, Nice

Fiona - Snarky, Nice

Fiona - Nice, Snarky

Fiona - Snarky, Snarky

The Velvet Hammer - Discriminating Weapons and Armor

Rat in the Fat Lute Inn

Oak Leaf Armor

It's Bad Luck to Be You - Wolves