Part 7: Visit Our Authentic Attractions

Update 6: Visit Our Authentic Attractions

Hola, people of the world, Juanito here, with our regularly scheduled Very Special Broadcast! Nothing as exciting as bombs or traitors happened in Tropico, I am happy to say, but from what I hear the world has not been so quiet.

It seems as though there are rockets everywhere these days. France has become a nuclear power, and Italy has built nuclear rockets that can reach Moscow! Even the United Kingdom and Turkey can hit Russia these days. Feeling a little inadequate, the Soviets have tested something called “Tsar Bomba,” said to be the biggest explosion ever made by man! I certainly hope not to see such a thing up close.

In more political news, the Chinese say that they are sick of being the USSR’s little brother, and have moved out of the Comintern apartment. John Kennedy has been elected as the new president of the States, and Castro says he is behind the incident at the Bahía de Cochinos. I do not know why we cannot all just get along! We should all live in peace and harmony under El Presidente’s totalitarian government.

Returning to national news, I am afraid I have bad news regarding the vote in the last Very Special Broadcast. At the last moment, El Presidente decided against having any extra police, so all of the letters you sent were discarded instead of counted. My apologies to all of you, people of the world. However, Mr. Pizzaman did read all of the letters himself in private, and regarding what was written on a few of them, he has authorized me to read his statement: “A cabaret is not cliché, it’s classic.” Were some of you insulting the dancing girls of our island? For the shame, people of the world!


This reminds me of the next news item. El Presidente has decided that, since there are two cabarets, one for himself and one for the people of the world, the first should be declared “off-limits,” and only he is allowed inside now. As I would do the same if Juanito was El Presidente, I cannot blame him!


However, Mr. Pizzaman also fired all the dancing girls currently working at the cabaret, saying that a college education is now required in order to work there.


I have never gone to college, but if the best dancers have to be graduates, perhaps it is time that I get an education!

Assuming one is ever built on our island, of course.


Until then, there is only one woman on the island with a college diploma. Lamanda was very quickly encouraged to leave her position at the rum distillery and to pursue a carrer in risqué dancing.


Juanito is starting to feel jealous of El Presidente!


To switch topics, most of the past two years have been spent building up the tourist economy. Our hotel was by now almost completely full of the wealthy tourists, and Mr. Pizzaman wanted even more to come and enjoy Tropico!



Two new attractions were built: a spa where the wealthy could relax, and an “ethnic enclave” where Tropicans could reenact the lives of the natives who lived here before our arrival. Or so we think, at least. The tourists seem to love it, at least.


’61 saw a new wave of immigrants coming in, as well as even more financial aid from our friends in the two US’s. The money from our rum was pouring in by this point, and even El Presidente was astonished at how very large our treasury was becoming. Why, we have even had to move it out of the broom closet on the second floor! I wonder if we might even need a full-sized room to hold it one day?


While El Presidente wanted to spend it on even bigger and better hotels for the tourists, it was found that those who stayed there would expect things like warm water and light bulbs. It seems El Presidente may need to build a power plant after all.


Until then, a new hotel was at least built across from the first. Even now, it is as full of wealthy foreigners as the first. It seems El Presidente’s Well-Traveled nature was coming in handy for pulling strings around the world.


Meanwhile, the soldiers were still rather restless for some reason.


Deciding that they were spending far too much time at the palace, El Presidente decided to build an armory, which is where soldiers and generals can hang out. Unfortunately, since generals also need college educations, the armory will also have to wait until a college is built to be fully staffed.


In our last news topic, a diplomatic ministry has been built, and since the ladies who staff the building need only high school diplomas, it is already fully operational. It is hoped that the foreign powers will like Tropico better now that they do not have to talk to Mr. Pizzaman himself.

And now, our special segments.



For this broadcast, it was decided that we would follow someone around as he went around his daily routine. After all, we now have somewhere to go for all our needs, finally!


For this reason, we are following the citizen Nano, a pineapple farmer, seen here leaving the clinic. Nano is 27, and originally from Jamaca.


It seems he was heading for the church, as well. Since Voodoo Pizzaman constantly talks about loas and hounfour and such things, we in Tropico have felt a strong need to go to church far more often than most other islands. Nano is no different, and mentioned talking to the priests nearly every day.

Nano is not a member of the Religious faction in spite of this, however. Instead, he is a moderate Militarist, as well as a strong Intellectual. Despite being on the island for many years now, he has still not found a wife. Also, our tests revealed that he has poor intelligence, though above average courage and leadership.


After visiting the church, Nano finally decided to go to work. I wonder if he saw our helicopter from his car?


Perhaps you are wondering why a lumberjack and a child were visiting the pineapple farm? Well, it turns out that pineapple is also very good to eat, so Tropicans a little tired of constant corn tortillas will often drive over to the pineapple farm to get something to eat. Even so, the fruit the Tropicans do not take is worth very much as an export.



Only two factions remain for our Meet a Faction segment. Today’s faction is: the Intellectuals!


No one can ever accuse the Intellectuals of being a big faction. With only 27 members on an island of 150, they are one of the smallest groups that calls itself a faction.


They also hate El Presidente to a man. While they appreciate having a high school and few soldiers around, they seem to believe we are not allowed to say what we wish to say! Why, Juanito can say anything he wants to into the microphone. It is simply that I do not also want to be shot in the back. And they still are mad about El Presidente’s counting system! They should just learn to let it go, I think. Building a college should go a long way towards quieting them down, hopefully.


Today’s vote will be about what El Presidente should decree now that he has a diplomatic ministry. We can only make a foreign policy decision once every 2 years, as the international community does not want to hear about Tropico any more often than that. First, for $500, we can praise a superpower. The other power will feel jealous and like us less, but not by as much as the first will like us. If you would like to know how they feel about us now, the information is in the second Meet a Faction photo.

Next, we could ask for development aid from either superpower. This requires the investment of $2000, but we can easily afford this now thanks to the rum money. The US can provide us with plans for an airport and a power plant that costs half the normal cost, while the USSR says they have blueprints that can cut tenement and apartment costs in half.

Trade missions cannot be accomplished without an airport, sadly, and the Soviets do not like us quite enough to ally with us, but we can seek an alliance with the USA. This means that they will build a military base on our island (and pay us $1000 a year for the privilege), and that the USSR will never even think of invading us! The Nationalists will never like us again, sadly, and if we fall out of favor with the US, they will still keep their base here. I am told that tourists do not enjoy looking at the soldiers much, either.

Since we are doing so well, we cannot ask for humanitarian aid, but we can volunteer for a nuclear test. The Americanos promise that they will drop their bomb far, far away from the island itself and give us $10,000, but the Environmentalists will give up on El Presidente entirely. Both superpowers may not feel like giving us any aid money afterwards, too.

Talk to you in two years, people of the world! Until then, this was TNN, and I was your host, Juanito!