Part 15: See the Fighting Chupacabras!
Update 14: See the Fighting Chupacabras!
Hello, people of the world! This is your old pal, Juanito, from the one and only Tropico News Network, with the one and only Very Special Broadcast! Let us begin with a little world news.
What do China and Argentina have in common? They both lost their leaders, of course! Mao of China passed on late last year, while earlier a coup was carried out on the Argentine government. Meanwhile, the US has finally managed to pull the Ford back out of the oval office, which is very good timing, since a man named Carter has taken over the country. It seems the USSR has not been up to much themselves recently, aside from jailing the subversive element. The Czechoslovakians in particular do not seem to like the guidance of Premier Brezhnev. Since neither the USSR nor the US is providing us with financial aid anymore, I have no official opinion to report from our El Presidente.
The people of the world seemed to get Juanito’s subtle hints about what they should vote for next, so immediately after the ballots were counted, construction began on a state-of-the-art sports complex!
The effects of the anti-litter ordinance are finally starting to be felt, as some of the tenement dumpsters are actually big enough to hold all of the garbage now! Perhaps one day it may even be safe to walk down the alleys without breathing through the mouth.
Not very many tourists seem excited as of yet to fly in our untested and unsafe Air Tropico airplanes, but the terminal at least has been built to modern standards. Rest assured, people of the world, the semaphore flags will now be used for emergency situations only!
I would also like to assure you that the rebel agent, a wealthy second son who thought that subversive activity was “fun,” has also been dealt with. As others wanted him dead as well, we even got a discount on the assassin’s services!
Another radio station has also been built under El Presidente’s orders. I do not understand why! Surely Juanito is the only source of news and presidential love that Tropico requires? The other station is probably nothing more than propaganda anyway! Nothing like TNN and the Presidential Power Hour!
It may have taken until September of ’76, but at last the airport brought in three wealthy tourists! They all looked very excited to reach the island from the terminal and not the sea, too.
By December, the sports field was finished, and our new football—
“Soccer.”
¿Que?
Los Americanos llaman “soccer.”
¿Por qué?
La palabra proviene del Inglés “association.”
Los Americanos son extrañas.
Si.
I am sorry, the “soccer” team was formed and named the “Chupacabras” by El Presidente himself. Go fighting goat-suckers!
Even better, El Presidente allowed the sports complex to serve beer, giving his now famous speech, “Who watches soccer sober?”
The religious Tropicans may be boycotting the stadium, but that has not slowed down the attendance rate at all.
All the excitement around the sports field has increased attendance at the local high school, as you are not allowed to kick a ball around unless you can actually do so at the much smaller field in the school yard.
All of these new attractions being built along one road has caused a large traffic jam to form in the tourist district. A second parallel road has been paved nearby, but little can be done without cutting down more trees than the tourists would like.
Thinking to finish off his dancing girls venues, El Presidente has built a night club right next to the tourist garage. Since there is more singing than dancing at the night club than at the cabaret, Juanito cannot say he likes the place more than the old buildings. All of the fancy neon lights seem very pretty, though.
Stay tuned for TNN’s special segments.
Today’s subject was someone TNN found down on his luck: Anaxite.
Anaxite was one of the recent arrivals who found that there were no spare jobs waiting for him on the island. Still, he apparently had some money to spare, and so he managed to get an apartment in one of the tenements. Here we see him heading for the garage to visit the local clinic for a checkup. After all, if you do not have a job and will soon be evicted from your rat-infested hole in the wall, you should at least have your health.
Of course, with no jobs available, he has plenty of time to do other things, like sleep and stare at his wall blankly. While listening to the only station that matters, TNN!
When we caught up to him later, after the sports complex had opened, we found that Anaxite had finally found a job as a farmer at the tobacco farm! We wish him luck at trying to make that stuff grow in this climate.
As the "overview" tab contains no information we have not already shown, today will be the last day of the Meet the Paperwork segment.
I very recently found this strange tab in the very back of the book. To tell you the truth, I am not very sure what any of these numbers mean, except that they seem to be tied to some of the values elsewhere in the book. Perhaps the people of the world can make more sense of them than I can.
The other thing of note is the additional list which shows up during the presidential campaign. While El Presidente may seem in trouble on this page, rest assured that the other two pages of solid support for Mr. Pizzaman make it quite clear who the people of Tropico support.
Today’s vote looks at the last page of edicts. As before, please vote for one and only one, or it will not be counted.
The industry and tourism ad campaigns are spread abroad to increase either export prices or the tourism rating of Tropico. Sadly, we lack the right cameras and equipment to produce TV ads at the moment.
Pollution standards is a cheap edict on its own, but it raises the maintenance cost of all the factories. On the other hand, it will make the neighboring islands downwind stop complaining about the smog.
An over-the-hill musician from America can be brought in to headline at the local nightclub for a few years. The locals will be entertained, the foreigners will be interested, and the fact that some of the old US senators still like his music will improve our relations with them.
El Presidente has a very large stack of money in the bank which I am told is actually the state treasury, so why not spread it around as a tax cut? For only $43,000, a sixth of the standing treasury, all Tropicans will fall in love with El Presidente once again.
The new stadium was built to the standards of the Pan-Caribbean Games, and we can now host them on our island if we so choose! As they are held and for the next three years after, the local entertainment and the tourism levels will be noticeably higher for Tropico!
El Presidente can also call for a massive festival to be held on Mardi Gras! This will also boost the entertainment and the tourism for three years, but all the drinking will mean the police will have a tougher job to handle.
Tropico could also offer a Spring Break package, which will increase the tourism on our island by very much. Unfortunately, the ones who will be coming will be the Spring Break vacationers and not the wealthy tourists we love so much.
While the National Geographic TV special would have been nice, El Presidente chose to turn the step pyramid into a dig site instead of a museum, and so we have very little for them to explore. But of the remaining options, which is it that the people of the world want to see occur?