Part 20: Come Visit Tropico Today!

Update 19: Come Visit Tropico Today!

Hola, people of the world. My name is Pepe, but you may know me better as Pepito, the grandson of “Juanito!” Unfortunately, my grandfather passed away before he could do another Very Special Broadcast for TNN, and it was only very recently that I was able to get the special array he used to make these updates. My grandfather lived a long, full life before his death, and he was proud to see that I was carrying on his legacy by going into radio broadcasting. As I recall, Grandfather used to begin these broadcasts with the global news, so let me quickly go over the last ten years in world history.

The biggest difference, of course, would be the breakup of the Soviet Union. The Politburo was cast out, a democratic government put in place, and the various neighbor states broke away from Russia proper. All except for Chechnya, of course, which President Yeltsin insisted stay with Russia. Insisted twice, in fact. The two wars (and continued economic trouble) did not do very much for Yeltsin’s popularity, which may explain why he resigned at the start of 2000.

The USA has been doing better than Russia, at least, but we have had our moments, too. The World Trade Center bomb, the Oklahoma City bomb, the Unabombs…perhaps this is why we think so much about President Clinton’s infidelities instead of anything important. As for the 2000 election, well, as a Floridian, the less said about that, the better.

So what else is there? Chile and Argentina have finally returned to the democracies their old regimes claimed to be protecting, Haiti has been occupied once again, and the Contras of Nicaragua have finally calmed down after the Sandanistas were voted out of office. Oh yes, and Elián González is currently proving that most Americans would rather see a boy be poor in America than poor in Cuba. Meanwhile, the Mexicans who come here to do the jobs they are paid for can go screw themselves. What a country.


Ah, but I should speak of Tropico, yes? Land of my mother’s father. Especially compared to the rest of the world, the 90’s was a peaceful decade for this island.


Cargo ships came and went…


Yachts of tourists filled the docks…


And chartered planes filled the skies.


Areas of the island still stood just as wild as when President Pizzaman began his term in 1950.


I have heard some call it “Los Años Buenos,” “The Good Years.”


This is not to say that the international crisis did not reach Tropican shores, of course.


However, some TV ads to improve market share helped keep the money rolling in.


I hear they never quite understood what had happened to the East, however.


President Pizzaman also called off martial law after seeing how little it affected the people.


Elections were soon held after the soldiers returned home, with President Pizzaman’s speech televised, on the only Tropican television station.


To no one’s surprise, President Pizzaman was reelected, first in ’92, then again in ’98. I have never seen martial law make so few waves, before or since.


Later in ’92, the president announced that the Tropican treasury stood at over $1,000,000, an incredible sum for the island, especially since it was counted in the very inflation-resistant Tropican dollar.


At one point, the sole rebel on the island tried to take the TV station hostage to broadcast her message of revolution. However, she only made half a talking point before being chased out by five soldiers. After the cartoon sound effects were added, the footage was not very threatening to the regime.


However, all things must come to an end.


On the evening of December 31, 1999, President Pizzaman, looking not a day older than when he took office 50 years ago, announced to the public that he would be leaving the office. His long-suffering assistant, Penultimo, would be stepping into the presidency until the next election cycle.


At the stroke of midnight, Voodoo Pizzaman entered his private chambers and never emerged. No one is quite certain what happened to him.

All has not been well with the island, however. Penultimo, it seems, was not quite the president Mr. Pizzaman was.


For instance, Voodoo Pizzaman knew which toes he should not step on.


80 people is a lot on an island of 400. Those driven to desperation by Penultimo’s decrees took to the streets, casting stones at those who remained loyal to the government. Naturally, they threw stones right back.


Loyalist and rebel both ran for the palace. It seems that symbol of the government would be the center of the uprising.


At first, the loyalists seemed to have won the day.


But then Penultimo declared that he would impose martial law and harsh penalties on all surviving Tropicans, and the cycle began again.


Many would end up dead. I am told that over half of the island died in these uprisings.


The clinic, the first sign that Voodoo Pizzaman gave that showed he cared about the people of Tropico, was the sight of many battles once the rebels were found hiding within.


Later, once things had calmed some, two of the soldiers declared that they knew how to run the country better than Penultimo. It went about as well as you might expect.


However, this did serve to drive Penultimo further into paranoia. He started ordering executions left and right, including most of the generals in his orders.


The surviving family members, who were only recently laughing at the idea of revolt, quickly joined Revenant Threshold in her rebellion.


And still the riots continued. The death toll was immense.


At last, the strengthened rebels made their move against Penultimo.


The army, weakened from infighting and putting down rioters, didn’t stand a chance.


Revenant Threshold, the very first rebel, was there at the end.


Curiously, even as the palace fell and Penultimo was dragged into the street and shot, the statues of Voodoo Pizzaman, “El Presidente,” were all left standing.

I don’t know what is in store for Tropico now that Penultimo is dead. Perhaps an election will be held, or the rebels will impose a junta. Maybe the US will step in to stop more lives from being lost. One thing is certain, however:

Voodoo Pizzaman will be a hard act to follow.

This is Pepito, signing off.