Part 2: Udoiana Raunes: Update II - Don't Lose Your HeadFun fact: As I am writing this update, I'm drinking from a bottle of Diet Sunkist that is advertising the Dr. Pepper/Snapple group's initiative "to provide kids and families with the tools, places and inspiration to make active play a daily priority.". They called this initiative "Let's Play". I find this to be amusing, especially since I'm currently doing the exact opposite (i.E. sitting on my fat lazy ass and writing about video games), yet I'm also involved with "Let's Play". Anyway, on with the game.
Alright, we made it out of the first room! You'll note that we get to see our representatives for both the VSP as well as the BVAJ, and they both look about as caricature-y as one would expect from the tone this game has been setting. Let's have a celebratory look-around fiesta!
>Look at bulletin board (to the left)
A sad collection of bureaucratic lists.
>Look at trash can (in the middle)
Some pieces of Kinder chocolate, one minute cups and a whole bunch of school exercises.
>Look at advertisement (the little white/red things on the pillars)
An advertisement for "Udoiana Raunes". Good grief, these guys are pushy!
An advertisement for "Udoiana Raunes". It's strange that Ray didn't tear this one off.
No, I don't know who Ray is, and I'm not sure he'll ever be brought up. Probably an in-joke. And that's it for the stuff to look at, so let's move on to the talking.
>Talk to prole
- VSP for a hundred years!
- Is your power based on free elections?
- What's the party program for the VSP like?
- Are you completely deranged, or something?
VSP for a hundred years!
Thousand year! Haw, haw!
Is your power based on free elections?
No elections! Dictator!
What's the party program for the VSP like?
Kill teachers! Many girls! No thinking!
Are you completely deranged, or something?
Don't get it!
So that's what we're working with for the VSP - these people really put the "prole" in "proletarian". Let's see what the other one has to say.
>Talk to prole
- Excuse me, you're blocking the way through.
- Hey, rad!
- VSP for a thousand years!
- Young man, please show a bit more respect for your elders.
Now, there's only two ways this goes. Either we say the right thing, or we say the wrong thing. If we say the right thing, that being "VSP for a thousand years!", then...
He steps aside and lets us through. If we say the wrong thing, that being anything else, however...
Oooh, nasty. So yeah, there will be sudden death involved in this game, and saving diligently is probably a good idea. Now, to check out the door he was blocking.
>Open door to Schaffer's office
So here we are in the room that all the teachers seem to have barricaded themselves inside. However, no sign of Schaffer, the one we're actually looking for. What a shame. Lots of stuff to look at, though!
>Look at strange object (the big ball in the foreground)
I don't know what that's supposed to be, either. The artist must have been too lazy to finish drawing the thing.
Udoiana Raunes gives no fucks about the fourth wall, if you didn't already notice from the earlier comment about the advertisement. Though just you wait, the fourth wall gets completely fucking bulldozed later in this room.
>Look at open guts (the red shit on the floor close to Raunes)
Disgusting! Must have been a teacher.
>Look at propaganda poster (the "VSP" thing over the door)
Vote VSP! Very convincing.
>Look at flow injection analysis device (that thing on the floor close to Jablonski)
That's the "Jugend Forscht"-winner, built by Andreas Stadler.
"Jugend Forscht" is a youth science competition that happens anually. I never much got into it during my time of eligibility - then again, I was never big on contests during school time. Got other shit to do! I looked around for a bit, and couldn't find any material directly referencing an "Andreas Stadler" in connection with the contest, so this could be an actual thing, or it could just be made up. I presume the former, though - it being a reference makes more sense.
>Look at globe (behind Frank)
>Look at television (behind Bauroth, it's kind of hard to see)
Panasonic! (We're getting money for plugs like these!)
Somehow I doubt it.
>Look at ready-made (the thing hanging above Baumgartner)
Two round bicycle wheels.
Somebody's a fan of Duchamp, it seems.
>Look at well made oil paintings (the ones on the floor)
Signed by Robert Baumgartner.
>Look at terrible artwork (the one on top, right edge of the screen)
Signed by Franz Kühn.
This would probably be funnier if I knew the person this is taking a shot at, but I guess the sense behind it is still self-explanatory. That's it for the stuff to look at, so let's talk to people.
>Talk to Robert Baumgartner
- Good day to you, Mr. Baumgartner.
- How's your progress with the computer going?
- Why are you standing in the middle of all this artwork?
- Where is Heinz Schaffer at?
Good day to you, Mr. Baumgartner.
Good day to you, dear Mr. Raunes!
How's your progress with the computer going?
I hate computers!
I guess when characters only have like four lines, you need to crowbar some character traits in.
Why are you standing in the middle of all this artwork?
These are my oil paintings. This revolutionary regime has accused my works of being "degenerate". They're forcing me to destroy them within five days!
Can't forget those Nazi parallels.
Where is Heinz Schaffer at?
I'm with the art department. How am I supposed to know that?
Well, I would think that if an emergency or something like that occurred, that any member of any faculty would be qualified to know just where the fuck the vice-principal would be located, but I guess that would make this a bit too easy.
>Talk to Wolf Bauroth
- Mr. Bauroth.
- Why do I not feel like talking with you at all?
- Mr. Bauroth! Thomas Wagner gets 15 points on his research paper!
There's two things that need to be explained here - one, the "15 points", and then the concept of the "Facharbeit". The Facharbeit is pretty simple - in the "Oberstufe", that being grades 10-12, there comes a time when a student gets his first steps into writing scientific research papers with the Facharbeit. The exact way this process works changes from state to state, but in my case, the students get to choose from different seminars based on different school subjects. These seminars have a certain topic (I want to say it was just a general thing about "money" in my case, but I honestly can't remember), and then students get a sub-topic each to write a paper about - in my case it was about speculative investment strategies. After writing the paper, you present it to the group, and get graded on both the paper and the presentation, which brings us seamlessly to the "15 points" thing.
Now, in school over here, we get grades. Obviously. These grades work on a general level from 1 to 6, with 1 being the best, and there being tendencies towards the next lower or higher level (so like 2+ tending towards 1- or 2- tending towards 3+), though there is no tendency for 6. When you're that low, you done goofed. But in the Oberstufe, the system switches to one where you can go from 15 to 0 points, with 15 being the highest. The great thing is that that exactly maps to the previous system (1+ being 15, 1 being 14, 1- being 13, 2+ being 12, etc. all the way down to 6 being 0), so it's basically just a name change. Apparently, this is supposed to make it more fair when calculating average grades and that kind of guff, while the other system is supposed to be more pedagogic in nature. I think it's just a bunch of crap. Anyway, now on to the actual dialogue.
Why do I not feel like talking with you at all?
I don't know, either... but I think you're right.
WARNING: Fourth wall about to take it in the ass!
Mr. Bauroth! Thomas Wagner gets 15 points on his research paper!
Oh, yes! Apart from the wonderful new graphics by Stefan Zwanzger, the Udoiana Raunes Special Edition now also has incredible programming. Not only has the control system been revolutionized, no, load times now converge towards zero, and aside from the EMS support, finally, optional XMS usage is possible. Crashes have become a foreign concept, the multiple savegames can now be given customized names, and the music is now available for most people! And I haven't even gotten to the dozens of other advantages. You are right: Thomas Wagner deserves 15 points!
God damn, that was a lot of text. Given how little the game can display at once, this took some time to get through. Now, first of all, EMS and XMS are DOS memory management systems, referring to expanded memory (EM) and extended memory (XM). This was a big deal back in the day, I guess. Also, this is a good point to bring up the music.
As far as I know, this is the only track in the game, and there don't seem to be any sound effects. It's a catchy tune, but it loops fairly quickly, and given that you'll be spending a lot of time trying to figure things out, it can get annoying.
...so yeah, we just had a pretty massive text dump of the developers verbally fellating themselves through the mouth of one of their teachers. Interesting choice. Moving on...
>Talk to Bernhard Jablonski
- Mr. Jablonski, you're a biology teacher.
- Your hair got white very quick.
- D'ya know where Heinz is?
Mr. Jablonski, you're a biology teacher.
Your hair got white very quick.
With some it falls out, with some it albinizes.
"To albinize", meaning "to turn white". "Albinieren" isn't a word in German either.
D'ya know where Heinz is?
I'm fairly certain that was supposed to be accented in a Bavarian way, given that this takes place in Munich and all.
>Talk to Alois Frank
- Mr. Frank, I've heard many things about you!
- In which qualification category have you been assigned to, Mr. Frank?
- Let's talk about integrals!
Mr. Frank, I've heard many things about you!
Only good things, I hope! Hahaha!
In which qualification category have you been assigned to, Mr. Frank?
I don't have any access i... a... ee <Excuse me> to the files!
...what? The original line is "Ich habe keine Einsicht i..ä..ee <Tschuldrigung> in die Akten erhalten!". I don't know what to make of that - I guess he's supposed to be mumbling or something? Again, this would probably work better if I knew the teacher in question.
Let's talk about integrals!
An integral is an integral!
Now, after you say any one line to Frank, you get a new set of dialogue:
- How's your family been?
- How's your wife been?
- How's your son been?
- How've you been?
And with that, we have a new item!
>Look at VIP card
Alois Frank's VIP card.
Now, we don't have the slightest clue just what this card does, and just in what way Frank is a VIP, but it's a point-and-click adventure, and as such, more inventory items are always good. Unless this game pulls the inventory item that kills. Hrm.
That finishes off Schaffer's office - I think - and leaves us with one more thing to do: Work out how to leave. I can tell from hovering over the left side that there's an exit to the airport there, but this nerd here is blocking the way. Only one way out of this:
>Talk to intellectual
Dialogue puzzles! Now, there's going to be a lot of talking here, so strap in.
- Shouldn't your party be named the BVAI?
- Hey, pal, forget the VSP idiots back there.
- Hey you, step aside!
- I can really sympathize with your party.
Shouldn't your party be named the BVAI?
The term "intellectual" goes back to the Latin term "intellegere" (meaning "to understand"). Now, we all know that the Romans did not have a "J" in their alphabet, but old Latin sources say that the Romans would have preferred spelling this word with a "J". Because of that, my party and I consider it to be appropriate to fulfill the Romans' dearest wish post-mortem by way of the manifestation of the name of our party.
Hey, pal, forget the VSP idiots back there.
That's a cheap rhetorical trick just to gain my favor! Forget it!
Hey you, step aside!
Good sir, that is not an adequate tone to take!
I can really sympathize with your party.
Really? I don't believe you!
This last option brings us to the next set of dialogue options, while the others just end the conversation.
- Pal, do some fitness workouts, then we'll continue talking.
- Your party is totally rad, like really phat!
- Could passage be granted to me by any chance?
- The revolution was the only way out.
Pal, do some fitness workouts, then we'll continue talking.
Body fetishists were never great thinkers.
Your party is totally rad, like really phat!
Could you be so gracious as to allow me to proceed with passage by any chance?
Eloquence without essence is eminently ineloquent!
The revolution was the only way out.
You're right! This revolution was by no means insignificant. It will be a part of world history, just like the French Revolution of 1789 or...
Again, this last option brings us further, and the others end the conversation.
- ...or the October Revolution, so hauntingly described by Pasternak.
- Out of the way, kid!
- This revolution marks the liberation of intellect...
- Boy, believe me, I'm intelligent. Let me pass!
Now, this is where things get a bit tricky.
Out of the way, kid!
I think you're about to get to know our execution institutions!
Boy, believe me, I'm intelligent. Let me pass!
That you are not. You seem to be one of those teachers that can't even oversee the bigger picture in life by the time they've reached their mid-life years. You stress yourself, you're nervous, and you believe you have no time. That is the wrong way, sir! Farewell.
We get our standard "this conversation is over" options...
...or the October Revolution, so hauntingly described by Pasternak.
You're right. I read Doctor Zhivago at the age of three.
...but then we have this option, which brings new dialogue.
- ...and I read the theory of relativity at the age of two.
- Reading is not a synonym for understanding.
- Apropos "Zhivago": Did you see David Lean's movie version?
- Pal, you're monkeying about!
...and I read the theory of relativity at the age of two.
You're playing games with me!
Reading is not a synonym for understanding.
And arrogance is not a synonym for intelligence.
Pal, you're monkeying about!
That's it! Fare well!
Again, we have conversation enders...
Apropos "Zhivago": Did you see David Lean's movie version?
Oh, yes! What a movie! Do you know "Schindler's List"?
...and the one option that brings us further.
- That movie took too long for my tastes.
- That movie inspired James Cameron with "Titanic", starring the erotic Kate Winslet! [This comes up when it's actually said, but is dropped in the picture because it would make the line too long for the dialogue options]
- That movie is now 33 years old.
However, regardless of what we say here...
That may be, but you're distracting from the actual topic!
Turns out that that part is a complete dead end. Instead, we need to backtrack...
This revolution marks the liberation of intellect...
Yes! Good! Keep going!
- It breaks new ground towards the equality between young and old.
- It completely eliminates the class of teachers.
- It symbolizes the privilege of intellect over experience.
- It marks the return to true pedagogic values.
...and here's the actual right way!
It breaks new ground towards the equality between young and old.
That's a bit vague and inconsiderate.
It completely eliminates the class of teachers.
That's not what it's about! The elimination of teachers is a necessary evil for the uprooting of a nonsensical status quo... at least for the BVAJ!
It symbolizes the privilege of intellect over experience.
What melodic phrases...
It marks the return to true pedagogic values.
What melodic phrases...
Here, the first two end the conversation, and the last two bring us to the final block of dialogue.
- This revolution is not destructive, it is greatly constructive.
- This revolution is the revolution of the proletariat.
- This revolution understands that its goal is the journey.
- This revolution hinders me in getting past you.
Yes, that's it! You are an earnest human being! Oh... I've blocked your way for long enough. You may pass! Godspeed!
This revolution is the revolution of the proletariat.
That's not how we see it!
This revolution understands that its goal is the journey.
That's not how we see it!
This revolution hinders me in getting past you.
Oh... I've blocked your way for long enough. You may pass! Godspeed!
And here, as you can probably tell, the middle two throw us out of the conversation, and the other two finally let us get past this fucker and to the airport. And when we do...
We're greeted by this marvelous map screen! We have three locations available to us (with the fourth one being the Gymnasium) - Nepal, Crete and the Amazon! Where do our travels bring us next? Nobody knows! Well, I certainly don't, because I've never really played this game beyond this point! I do have a walkthrough in case shit hits the fan, but first I'm going to try bopping around a whole bunch and rubbing things on other things, like a real point-and-click adventure player!
Recap: We talked to one jock and got nothing much out of it, then talked to another and gained access to the teachers' hideout by alluding to the Thousand-Year Reich. Inside the teachers' hideout, we talked to a bunch of them and got a VIP card from one by being interested in him and his family a fair bit, but not overly so. With that done, we talked even more with some nerd, which was blocking our way to the airport despite being the scrawniest fucker around by a long shot, and got sidetracked into talking about movies, which went nowhere. We then restarted the conversation and buttered him up hard enough that he lets us pass, and now we're free to travel the world, with the world being Nepal, Crete and the Amazon.