Part 8: Udoiana Raunes 2: Update III - It's Like Poetry. Sort Of. They Rhyme.
So, after not doing much of anything in Poland beyond learning a few things that will end up coming in handy some time down the line, let's head on out to our next location, Wyoming, to meet Harrison Ford and hopefully convince him to start work on Indy 4.
Music - Wyoming: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJCIvciSl0U
And here we are! What do we see?
>Look at squirrel
An animal which is not able to create nuclear weapons due to his brain size. Wouldn't it be good, if we were all squirrels?
>Look at mount
Easy to find, hard to climb.
I don't think you use "mount" to refer to a mountain unless it's part of its name.
>Look at ranch
Beautiful private property in the heart of Wyoming.
>Look at strange man (that little blob of pixels in the middle)
A real fashion trendsetter with an old face.
>Look at Harrison Ford
He got older, but his girl friend is good for him.
>Look at cocktail
This must be an original Copacatukan-Coco-Cocktail. (Try to say it fast!)
And because it worked so well the first time...
>Talk to squirrel
I don't speak squirrelish!
Alright, so all of those at home taking notes, Udy is fluent in frogish, but doesn't speak squirrelish. There will be a test at the end of this LP. Anyway, let's get going with what we're actually supposed to be doing.
>Talk to Harrison Ford
Harrison, I like your ranch.
I like it too! That's why I live here.
Who's the guy in your garden?
Oh, that's a strange guy who claims that this land belongs to his tribe.
Why are you sitting outside of your property?
Because I can't go back to my property!
What's the problem?
There's a strange guy claiming this land for his tribe who has been blocking the way back to my house.
So the problem we're going to have to solve for Ford is that we need to get rid of some Native American guy staging some kind of sit-in protest because he's blocking Ford from getting to his house. Sure, why not.
Mr. Ford, what about the fourth Indiana Jones movie?
Well guy, you know. You're young but I'm over sixty! Even in 1988 while doing Indiana Jones and the last crusade my back hurted and hurted.
May I massage your back?
Are you gay?
My sexuality is not specified in this game.
Please consider this when writing your erotic fanfiction I'm sure you've already got lined up.
Come on. My dad looked like you with 35!
Really? He was also an international movie idol?
No, he was working in Germay 1944.
But WOULD you generally do a fourth Indy?
Yes, but for that I would have to get up.
And getting up is very exhausting.
Because my bones are aching and my cell division is becoming slower and slower.
My cell division is running very fast at the moment!
That's because you're talking to an international idol.
Good night, Harrison. Sleep well.
I'm not tired enough to leave you alone with my property.
He says that, but...
Come on, Harrison! Don't be lazy! Wake up!
He sleeps. I can't believe it.
As you might have noticed, there is also a second problem we need to solve with Ford, and that is that he is one lazy-ass old motherfucker. However, waking him up is not a major problem.
>Talk to Harrison Ford
Wake up, Harrison! OR There's three-headed buffalo in your garden!
As is standard, telling somebody to wake up doesn't actually wake them up. However...
Sweet dreams, Harrison.
He then wakes up and chugs down some of his cocktail. That might be relevant later. For now, that's all we can do with Harrison, so let's move on to the strange man and see how we can get rid of him.
>Talk to strange man
Out of my way!
This is not your way!
Who are you? OR Why are you blocking the way to Mr. Ford's house?
I'm a product of nature. I human being who was born in a world full of forests, animals, mountains and a few ranches. My name is Aylen. I'm a Delaware native american. And my question is: What's more important than money?
It's more important that you let me pass now!
The answer is wrong!
My name is Raunes from Germany. I've no question.
The answer is wrong!
What a stupid pseudo-spiritual question!
The answer is interesting... but wrong!
The answer is...
The answer is what?
That's due to the personal desires of individuals.
The answer is wrong!
We're going to have to be going around on a spiritual journey to figure out the answer to this question. Now, we have one more thing to do here. We found a hard nut in the forest at the beginning of the game, and there's a squirrel here, so...
>Give nut to squirrel
>Pick up squirrel tooth
>Look at squirrel tooth
It's disgusting to carry it with me. But it might be useful.
Of course it might be useful. It's an item you can pick up, and while this game does love useless inventory items, usually, they're not items you had to work something out for. That's all we can do in Wyoming right now...
...so now we're off to the Skywalker ranch!
Music - Skywalker Ranch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1CVWGTlZVE
We find ourselves on a movie set with George Lucas hard at work. Time to look around!
>Look at big fold (to the left of R2-D2)
This fold is a little too big to be just a fold.
>Look at R2D2
Oh, this must be C3PO!
>Look at battery compartment (a part of R2-D2)
Cool! R2D2 is driven by normal 1.5V batteries!
>Look at camera
This is a Sony-DigiCam. But they didn't give us money for this effective product placement.
>Look at George Lucas
This is George Lucas, creator of... "Howard, the Duck".
Whenever we make any sort of move...
Sir, please leave the set!
...Lucas yells at us, but doesn't actually do anything, so we can just walk around as much as we want. So of course, the first thing to do...
>Talk to R2D2
Yes, this is going to be good.
Now wasn't that enlightening? Next, let's take a closer look at that fold.
>Pick up big fold
Turns out that that big fold was actually some mad stacks!
>Look at money
The stuff dreams are made of! Or better: ...are paid of.
So now we've got money to buy something in the store in Poland with, which is good. To cap things off, let's talk to Lucas.
>Talk to George Lucas
Georgeboy, nice to meet you again.
I don't know you... and I think I don't want to.
I can't believe it! You're George Lucas!
And I believe that you're part of an unlicensed Indiana Jones (TM) fan game!
Thankfully, suing the fan game out of existence would also remove this Lucas from existence, so we're safe.
Mr. Lucas, please let me introduce myself.
All right. Go on.
My name is Udoiana Raunes, german teacher with global interest.
My name is George Lucas, movie director with merchandise interests!
My name is Raunes. My friends call me Udoiana.
My name is Lucas. I call my dog Indiana.
I sell these wonderful old-fashioned leather jackets.
Wonderful! I take twelve... for my new Indy Movie.
What's the delivery address?
It's Elstree Studios, London, Hall I.
Great, that means you confirm that Indy 4 will be made?
Only if we get a good screenplay. I've written a wonderful story taking place in New Zealand, Tunisia and Alaska. A lot of screenwriters worked on it, but up to now we have no completed screenplay.
Who's actually working on it?
That's top secret!
When will the production start?
We have no schedule yet.
Come on, stop Star Wars and do Indy!
I would if I had a completed screenplay!
And back to the first part:
George, what are you up to?
I'm doing Star Wars Episode XVII: Star Wars - Galaxy in flames! It will be a wonderful movie!
But there's nobody here! OR But there's nothing between the camera and the green screen.
That's the trick! It's all virtual: The film, the actors, the set and the team. It's a new generation of moviemaking in history! You just need a camera, yourself, a green screen and Industrial Light and Magic for the special effects!
But why do you film an empty green screen?
Because the special effect team of ILM needs a base for their awesome work!
Don't you feel lonesome?
No, I'm like a Jedi: Always alone, but always empowered by the force!
When is the release date for the movie?
In about 3 to 4 years. I have to get all the different angles of the set. There's still a lot of work. And I have to concentrate on it right now.
That's a good idea. So you don't have any problems on the set.
My only problem is the small bump on the right close to R2D2.
Well, we've taken care of that.
Why don't you make the fourth Indiana Jones movie instead?
The problem of the fourth Indiana Jones movie is that we don't have a good screenplay. I've written a wonderful story taking place in New Zealand, Tunisia and Alaska. A lot of screenwriters worked on it, but up to now we have no completed screenplay.
And then it loops into the section above. That's about it for this part - we learned that Lucas actually wants to make Indy 4, but doesn't have a screenplay, which we're probably going to have to get for him. R2D2 is just bleeping and blooping at us, but he has a battery compartment which is important for some reason. Also, we found some cash, which is definitely going to come in handy. Now, some odds and ends:
>Pick up camera
I won't do that. George definitely has some well-paid lawyers in his company.
>Open door (yes, the door all the way over to the right is actually a thing)
It's locked. I need a key.
So that's going to be another thing we need to keep an eye out for. And using the squirrel tooth as a lockpick didn't work. Back to the airport!
You will notice that a new location has opened up. Somehow, just because Lucas mentioned Tunisia as a location, we can now go there. I presume Alaska and New Zealand also opened up as locations, but sadly, they're not on the world map, so that's not going to happen. So, with that, we're done for this time. Next time, we're going to be dealing with Lucas's problem, checking out the new location and doing some new things in the old ones.