Part 51: MONK ISLE - In Case Of Bane-Related Apocalypse, Break Glass
In Case Of Bane-Related Apocalypse, Break Glass
"I'm glad you all could join me here in my office."
"This is an office, master?"
"I believe that this is a transit area."
"It used to be more intimate, but the rug is suddenly missing. First order of business: What happened to the rug?"
"I'm pretty sure it was here last time we were here."
"Well I hope someone finds it soon. That rug really tied the room together. Second thing to address: It appears your non-robotic versions have gone insane and murdered the entire Serpent Isle."
"My goodness, master, that's ironic."
"Yes, but on the other hand, Batlin is quite thoroughly dead, so in the vague sense that our objective was to stop Batlin from destroying the world, I would call the operation a rousing success."
"Shut up, Robo-Iolo. Anyway, while most of the people who died were, in fact, complete douchebags, it still falls to us to pick up the pieces."
"Master, we are a bit confused, in part because you just raised us from our component limbs that you had stashed in your desk. What exactly happened between this apparent disaster and now?"
"Ah yes, of course, a flashback. No sweat. Well, you can understand that I was quite mortified about all that had happened for several seconds, then thought it would be prudent to start rooting through Batlin's pockets. Naturally, the first thing I had to do was catch up with Boydon..."
"How'd it go?"
"Not so good!"
"Okay, reach into Batlin's robes carefully."
"Is there any particular reason you can't do this yourself?"
"I'm delegating, okay? Now root around in there until you can find a hard, dense, wickedly curved object with a somewhat broader head, and retrieve it."
"I think I found what you're talking about, but I don't think you can take that with you."
"...okay, drop that one and look for the other object matching that description. Meanwhile, I'm gonna load up our jawbone with all these awesome teeth Batlin had in his."
"Seek the Gwani Horn... seek it in the depths beneath the Skullcrusher mountains..."
"Oh God, I'm so glad somebody was able to change the subject."
"Is there any good reason to take him with us?"
"Well, I am technically the Order Hierophant. I should at least clean up the shrine while I'm at it."
There are potions in the various side rooms, and a couple scrolls. Nothing fantastic unless you rushed straight here, although it's one of the few places to get Fire Snake.
"We should probably see if there was anything else of use on these bodies."
"Actually, I think we better not touch her ring."
"...so we jumped into the serpent gate."
"And that's where we are now. So anyway, it's time we dealt with assignments. Boydon, you're Interim Shamino."
"But master, I am Shamino."
"No, you're Robo-Shamino. That doesn't automatically make you Shamino, man, you gotta respect seniority here."
"...then who am I?"
"Well I guess you'd be Interim Boydon then, genius."
"I still get to be Dupre, right?"
"With a mustache like that, you get to be anyone you want, Robo-Dupre."
"Conveniently, the guys left their stuff behind when they turned evil and exploded, so you probably won't need to stock up too much on armaments, but we've certainly got plenty of extras."
"Perhaps we could draft the survivors into an army to use against the Banes, master?"
"I almost regret you having to be Interim Iolo, Robo-Iolo, because that was a distinctly non-Iolo idea."
"Why was it a non-Iolo idea, master?"
"Because it was actually good."
"This is a table of stuff that technically belongs to other people, but what with them all being dead or insane at this point I'm just going to keep most of them."
"And then we've got potions, which I guess wouldn't be too impressive to you guys."
"Strangely enough, master, we can still drink potions."
"Fantastic! I won't even question why that makes sense!"
"I wonder why Vasculio considered the Gwani Horn so dreadfully important that he had to seal it in a magical field."
"Perhaps because... he is an asshole? I'm sorry, I'm rather bad at this Shamino thing."
"You'll grow into it."
"I suppose some parts of me will, at least."
"Free Gwenno... free her from the ice!"
"Okay, mom. Jeez."
The Gwani Horn does its thing, or rather doesn't, as for some reason Exult is buggy...
...and doesn't properly remove exploding objects after they explode.
"I assume that we must retrieve the body of Ms. Gwenno and return her to Monk Isle for resurrection."
"Haha, fuck that. I got a Monk Phone."
"Also, in the future, please don't call us inside a frozen cave in the middle of the freaking polar ice cap."
"So much for your reputation for great service, eh?"
"Bane of Chaos... Chaos Bane... twisted her soul..."
Later Still, On Monk Isle...
"Jesus, I know we made a lot of fat jokes, but..."
"Blood! Blood everywhere!"
"Let me feel thy naked flesh!"
"But you're already married! Admittedly to Iolo, but-"
"Master, forgive me for intruding, but I believe that Gwenno has been affected as a result of possession by a Bane of Chaos."
"That's what I already said."
"Sorry, I wasn't listening."
"That would make what Fitch said true! The sorceress who attacked the trappers and destroyed so many was..."
"I must sate mine hunger!"
"Hilarious. But she's not a Bane now, so why is she acting this way?"
"Perhaps Master Karnax can be of some assistance in that regard."
"Alright, let's find that beautiful bald bastard."
"How hungry I am! I want thy flesh! Come pleasure me!"
"They sure grow up fast."
"I believe that she too was possessed by a Bane, master."
"Damn, is there anybody who hasn't been? Oh wait, that's right, me."
"And me, and also Mr. Batlin I suppose."
"Oh, he had a Bane inside him, but it was just passing through."
"Oh, there you guys are. What the hell is this?"
"This is the Place of Visions, Hero From Another World!"
"Oh right, right. Weren't you going to show me something at some point?"
"Indeed. Behold, hero, the vision!"
"So... a robot chick is going to take a shower while a creepy white dude watches her? Your prophecies suck."
"Anyway, Karnax, what do you know about the Banes of Chaos?"
"Curious, the Bane of Chaos is an Ophidian term."
"Yes, that's kind of why I brought it up."
"Fedabiblio had something he referred to as the Scroll of the Serpent. I believe that it may have the information I need to help restore thy friend Gwenno. Bring it to me, and I will aid thee as I can."
"That may be slightly difficult, but I guess we can give it a shot. Better than watching porn with you guys."
"Hey, this is practically the only recreation time we get."