Part 49: A Journey Alone

_{content warning: unfortunate relationship... stuff also suicide, terminal illness talk}

[BGM: Whispered Feeling]


Hey, so, this whole situation is gross. I'm just laying my feelings out on the table here. Obviously its “technically” legal because she's already 18, but it's still a really inappropriate dynamic/age gap and the fact the game wants you to even consider that they could be a couple is just... No thanks. I do think it's handled better than usual because he's not really acting predatory/manipulative at all (hell, he's actually been going out of his way to find a new direction for himself), but that almost feels worse, like we're expected to justify it ourselves. I get that it's meant to be a fantasy to some extent, and in other VN genres (like otome) it's not unheard of for one of the love interests to be the much older guy who's mature and kind and experienced or whatever, but Li Wen isn't the main protagonist, she's just one of the viewpoint characters- we're an outside observer here, it's not written to be a role for the player to insert themselves into directly. In any case, let's just get this puzzle out of the way.



There's one more Bad ending that I'm willing to show here (Cloacamazing's guess results in this ending!), so lets see that first. (There's one other that I will not show- don't ask about it, please.)



I ran into the evening rain and I could not bear to look back.

Earlier, after hesitating for what felt like forever, I had told her the cruelest thing.
I'm sorry. I can't be with you.

I remembered her expression when I had pushed her to the ground. She must have thought that I had been disgusted by her.

But... how could I ever feel that about her?
The only person that had been disgusting was me.

I was so scared.
I had no idea what I would mean to her, if I crossed that line...
Her lover? Her father? Or just a pathetic, dying cancer patient?



I had walked past two slopes.
I found myself arriving at the spot where I had spread the ashes of my fiancee. I hadn't even realized I had been going this way.
We had seen the most beautiful rainbow in the world here together once.

Honey... I'm so sorry...

The freezing rain kept falling on me.
It seemed to be getting even heavier.

She wouldn't be out looking for me, would she?
The thought suddenly entered my mind.
The rain was so heavy, and the mountain could be dangerous in this weather. If she came out by herself, and something had happened to her...
I couldn't stop feeling worried, and I began to regret running out of the cabin.
I must go back immediately.



But the Gods decided to toy with me one last time.
When I turned around, I stepped into a puddle of mud and slipped.
I lost balance and I rolled down the hill into a completely dark abyss...



There's only one other ending besides the S to go, and it's an A ending. (Regallion's guess results in this ending.)



[BGM: Tender Love]


What... what on earth had I been saying?
I couldn't bear to look at her anymore. I ran out of the cabin and sat down at the door, pretending to be staring at the rain.

She sat down to my right.
Perhaps we had a mutual understanding. Neither of us said anything.
Not for a long while.

The rain had finally stopped,
and the sun had come out.

“Did you see a rainbow?”
I wasn't expecting her to ask about this, and I was a little surprised.

“...No.”



A few minutes later she leaned her head on my shoulder and fell asleep.
She didn't seem to be dreaming this time.

I looked at her beautiful smile as she slept.
And I finally made up my mind.

I let her sleep on my shoulder quietly for another half hour.
I wanted to selfishly enjoy these last glorious moments by myself.
The world had stopped moving for all I cared.

I couldn't make you happy in this life.
But if I had the chance... I would dedicate entire next life to be with you.



Okay. There's an S ending to this puzzle, but I'm not going to be posting it, similar to the scene with Park Sang-Gun in the past, just because it crosses a line with actual depiction of the events- even though its TECHNICALLY not statutory rape, legally speaking, because she's 18 by now, there's still an illustration here of the two of them making out/hooking up- and the text makes it kind of explicit that they do not stop at kissing, even if it isnt explicit about the actual actions. Again... this was on consoles, so they have to be a liiiiiitle coy, but. Yeah.

So we're just going to go to the Mail menu from here with the S ending active.

…

[BGM: Lost Memories]






NEW MESSAGE: A Journey Alone

And before you ask, yes, you have to have the S ending for that letter to be able to access this one for Li Wen.



…

[BGM: Broken Dream 1]


A Journey Alone

In the subway train an old blind woman raised a well-worn mug to my face.
An old man who looked like her husband was helping her from behind with one hand.
His other hand was holding a worn out speaker.
It was playing “May Happiness Be With You”.

Beijing had banned solicitation in the subway, but these “beggars” could still often be seen in the cars.
Nobody wanted to be the bad guy or feel guilty, so no one would report them to the authorities.

I put five bucks in the mug.
I usually wouldn't do something like this.
But I just wanted them to leave me alone today.

Besides the beggars there were only a few other passengers in the train car.



A mother and a son who had just come back from an amusement park.
A couple who were laughing while looking at their tablet.
A salaryman who apparently had just gotten off work. He was telling his “honey” on the phone to go to bed without him.

I felt so envious.
I didn't want to go home.
Because... even at home, I would still be alone.

The car was quiet, except for the occasional chit-chatting, the wheels running along the tracks, and the PA system announcing the stops.

“The next station is Station B...”

“The next station is Station G. Station G is a transfer station. Passengers for another line, please prepare to get off...”

“The next station is Station H. Station H is a transfer station. Passengers for another line, please prepare to get off...”

“The next station is Station P...”



…

I wasn't sure how many stations it had been since I had gotten on the train at Station B near my home.
I didn't bring much of anything with me.

Perhaps I should just keep going until I reached the final station in the countryside. I had enough money on me to buy another ticket to Tianjin.
I could go and watch the ocean there. The last time I had gone was when I was in elementary school.
And I remembered that... I had gone with my father that time.

Perhaps this time... I wouldn't be coming back.



I lay down on the chairs next to me and raised my left hand in front of my eyes.
The florescent lights on the ceiling shone through my fingers as if they were blinking.
The ring I had on my ring finger seemed to be fading out.

God... were our fates already determined or not?
Was it really... something that could be changed?

Li Wen



...starting to get the impression that the S ending isn't the best outcome for either of them. (Also, it isn't really explained here, but this is about five years later; Li Wen is 23 at this point.) Either way, let's get started- maybe we can figure out what's going on.

You may have noticed a new button here- let's see what happens when we click on it.



That's right, this puzzle is all about figuring out what route she's on, and altering the order to alter the path/transfers that she's on. There's only three other solutions, so let's not waste any time getting to them- starting with B>P>G>H.





My phone just buzzed again.
Another complaint from another customer, whining about the quality of my goods.
Oh please... what kind of quality did you expect from something that cost you five bucks?

I got off the train at a random station.

I'd had enough.
I didn't know how to keep living like this.

There were very few people in the station.
The next train was five minutes away.

I stood there on the platform, completely still, for five minutes.
Until the headlights of the train blinded me.
I jumped up and landed on the railway.

I learned one thing: those movie scenes where a person gets hit by a train and then flies into the air, were all lies...



The last Bad ending is G>H>P>B.





I stayed in the subway, changing from one line to another, hesitating.
I finally decided to go home.

It was already dark when I came out of Station B.
It wasn't a highly populated neighborhood. The only reason he and I had decided to live here was because the rent was cheaper.

The grass was tall near the exit and the street lights were a bit dim.
I walked down the street and watched my own shadow getting longer and longer.

Suddenly, another shadow appeared next to mine.

For a split second, I fantasized that it was his shadow.

A wet cloth was put over my nose and mouth. It had a very strong smell.
My brain stopped functioning; I was lost inside darkness...



And finally, the last ending.



[BGM: Whispered Feeling]


Well... I finally got home.

I went into the apartment, carrying a full bag of random goods from the rural shopping mall.
The place was a mess. Toys and clothes that I still hadn't sold were everywhere.

I washed my face, and then the two apples that were in my fridge- they were the only edible things in there. I took a bite from one of them and put the other one in front of a photo of Mr. Wen.

“Hey! How have you been?”

“I'm doing well.”

I would say this to his photo every time I came back.
Then I would pretend that he had responded and asked about my day, to which I would then reply that I had been doing well.
Even though it was a total lie.



He'd had the surgery at the same time that I graduated high school.
It was a success at first.
However, during my freshman year in pre-med things took a bad turn.
The doctors said the cancer cells had spread.

Without telling him, I took a leave of absence from the school to take care of him, and I started living with him.

He was always cheerful in the beginning, assuring me that there were all kinds of new treatments available.
I knew he was just trying to make me feel better.
But I was still watching him get weaker and weaker, and losing the fight day by day.

Cancer was a real monster. We were completely powerless against it.
On this same day three years ago he was gone, and left me all by myself.



I had applied to medical school because of him.
But I had lost all of my will to continue after he passed away. So I dropped out of school and started working.

Since I didn't have my college diploma, all that I could get was some random part-time jobs. I used the spare time to manage an online shop, selling small, cheap goods.
My earnings could barely cover my monthly rent. Sometimes I literally couldn't afford meals, and I had to shamelessly go and beg for help from Jing, who had only recently gotten a job after graduating from college.

Sometimes I wondered if there was any point in living like this.
The only things that had kept me going were these precious memories of mine.



I opened the glass doors of my cabinet.
My notebook was on my right. It had all of the text messages between him and me.
I had copied them all down into the notebook from my phone.

An artist's collection book was right next to the notebook. He once took me to an exhibition for that artist.
A photo album was placed to its left.
I took the album out.



The first photo in the album was the one with us in a coffee shop.
That was the only one of us from before we were officially together.

And we had taken many, many more afterwards.

There was one with us at the New Year's Eve countdown.
One with us at the festivals.
One with him cooking.
One with him sleeping.
One with him... going through chemo...
One with him pacing in the hospital yard...

And the last one, with him smiling weakly at the camera.
He seemed to have known that it would be the last memory he could ever leave me with.

The timestamp said that it had been taken on March 26th, one day before my birthday.
It had been the day before my 20th birthday.



…

[BGM: Lost Memories]


So, that ending doesn't sit right with me. I mean, it makes sense, and honestly is a pretty realistic outcome considering most of the time a student getting involved with a teacher is going to end up badly one way or another just because of the dynamic. But it also raises a particularly interesting question- if Wen Zhaoren is “dead” at this point...

why does his side continue?

Sure sure, they aren't tied together time-wise, so it could easily be before his death, at some point between now and then, but what would that accomplish? What information could we get from that, what resolution would there be to find? We'd know he was going to die within two years of his last letter, leaving Li Wen ruined and alone. Where's the catharsis in that? What's the point?

Perhaps...



...the S ending...



*ding ding!*



...was a mistake?





NEW MESSAGE: Holding On.