The Let's Play Archive
Part 2: Let's Pin Fruitsniffer Without Alacrity
LPFWA 2k18 Episode 2 - Let's Pin Fruitsniffer Without Alacrity (Zanzibar Ham) -
(Twitch VOD)
The Match Card...
IGgy IGsen posted:
All right, I got a match card for most likely this saturday at a time you can find you can find out by clicking on these words.
#1 Buscus Brawl
IGgy vs. Lotus Aura (more punishment for crimes against bunnikind)
#2 Triple Threat
Fruitsniffer vs. Toad vs. Dr. Ham
#3 Bunny Championship
The Majestic Goat-Man vs. El Catire Arrecho (c)
#4 Feeding the once greatest jobber to a newbie
Schir vs. D the Destroyer
#5 Tables Match
Tolvie vs. Valerie Easton
#6 Co-Comm championship match
Face and Kylo Ren (billed as oRa 66) vs. Woolsey Smythe & a tree (c)
#0 LPFWA vs. The Universe
Whoever you vote for most vs. Asuka
Before the show...
VolticSurge posted:
Hello, masked man. I see the powers at be have decided that we should be paired up...which explains why the help droids hauled in two beds. As my roomie apprentice, I have a few ground rules:
1. Do not touch any of Grandfather's belongings. They're encased in glass for a reason.
2.access to my iPod is a privilege, not a right. Adding or deleting songs without my permission will cause me to revoke this privilege.
2a.Don't delete any of my podcasts, I'm still getting caught up on Night Vale. Doing so will cause your privileges to be revoked as stated above.
2b.Televison privileges follow the same thought process. You record any stupid shit like Golden Girls, you're stuck with that fossil you keep.
3. If I you break any of my things you're paying for the repair/replacement. No exceptions.
4.If you ship Arkos, I don't know you. Bumblebee or bust.
5.If you don't think When it Falls is the best song on the OST we'll have words.
5a. If you like Taiyang, I'm gonna have to correct you. He is NOT a Good dad, and is a TERRIBLE character. Not that I know what a good dad is.
6.If you talk about Han Solo, I WILL INFLICT PAIN UPON YOU LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER DREAM-
7. Lower the toilet seat when you're done. Don't be a dick.
I think that covers it.
Vanderlyle posted:
“Lo siento, señor hombre-cabra, but the cosmic bunnies say they know my secret, and I don’t know what will happen if I lose the bunny belt, so I can’t let you take it”
Mathwyn posted:
A tree!? A tree! What is this codswallop?
Wait a minute Woolsey. I see their game here. Its a test. A test of your acting prowess. Its like that time I acted alongside a broom with lipstick and a wig on top, and I'll be damned if I didn't make that mop look like Joan Crawford!
You were the best actor of your whole generation Woolsey. If you need to make a tree look like a wrestler, then you will make them believe that tree can take on a million of these 'Kylo Ren' and 'Face' fellows without so much as breaking a twig!
Rather Watch Them posted:
I've heard that all regulation LPFWA tables were formed on a ley line. I would love to tap into that energy, if only something to break one open... or someone.
TOLVIE! Now we can kill two birds with one stone. How about you lie on a table and let me do my magic? I promise it won't hurt a bit.
Zanzibar Ham posted:
"My sincerest apologies, I have no idea how you two got double-booked for the appointment. My secretary will be getting a scolding, have no doubt about it!"
DivineCoffeeBinge posted:
Oh hey! IGgy! We have enough female performers now for us to have tag teams! We should have tag teams, IGgy! I'm not just saying this because it's a way to possibly get me a win that doesn't involve me being in the ring! I just think tag teams are cool and good!
Kadorhal posted:
Sweet, another man with some form of face-concealing mask for me to team up with! ...Although, why do I get this strange sense of dread regarding my first tag match of the season...? Weird.
Oh, and he's left some rules, eh? Lessee here... Don't touch the glass, got it... Don't add or remove songs or shows from an iPod and TV that aren't mine, got it... Repair shit I've broken, got it... could probably just get the boss to pay for that stuff... Not familiar with any "Arkos", and the wording implies familiarity with it is a bad thing, so, I guess got it... Bumblebee like the Transformer? Wha? When It F- oh, is that the song I heard from the other side of the building the other day? Huh, vaguely sounded like a fan's first attempt at Guilty Gear music from where I was. Definitely got that, then... Taiyang, is that like Thai food? I prefer egg drop. Got that... Han Solo? Never touched the stuff. Got that... Lower the toilet seat, sure. Yeah, this is all reasonable. Alright then, who are we teaming up agai-
The guys who act like a tree and a ghost? Uh... did I accidentally jump ship from LPFWA to DnD?
Danaru posted:
So, Phantom Space Man, it looks like you'll be assisting me with my debut! Let's show the crowds a battle befitting of two masked men of JUSTICE!
Uh, this is awkward, everyone, but if anyone sees an old-looking machete lying around, let me know. Some of my luggage got misplaced. It's got a bunch of red stains on the handle and I need it for...
...something mundane. Look it's a family heirloom, just let me know if you see it.
Strange Forest posted:
There is a tree standing in a field. A breeze blows a note from its branches. It reads:
I am not some weirdo acting like a tree, I AM A TREE! This is real, strong bark on me. Does anyone think a mighty oak like me and a high class star would lose to two losers in masks?
P.S. Bumblebees are only good for pollination, nothing else
Kadorhal posted:
Alright, just about showtime... gotta get ready, let's check everything. Gasmask? Cool. Hat? Gone, and good riddance. Identity? Still a mystery. Completely. And totally. Alright, we're good to go! Ren, buddy, you ready? Put that loud metal of some of variety on pause, we've got a tree and a ghost to show who's boss!
edit: link on last page
The Results:
IGgy IGsen posted:
#1 Buscus Brawl
IGgy vs. Lotus Aura (more punishment for crimes against bunnikind)
IGgy squashes Lotus. Didn't even try.
Scene: Konami demands Black's title from Nadira. She thinks it's evil or something.
#X Backstage Brawl
Konami Kouda vs. Nadira
Konami double superkicked Nadira into the lockers, rip
#2 Triple Threat
Fruitsniffer vs. Toad vs. Dr. Ham
Toad friggin F-U-2s Fruity onto Dr. Ham and crawls onto fruity with his last bit of strength for the pin, holy shit!
#3 Bunny Championship
The Majestic Goat-Man vs. El Catire Arrecho (c)
Catire Arrecho loses despite twerking before the match. Goat-Man is the new Bunny Champion :3
Scene: Dash Rendar tries to fool IGgy with a really lazy disguise, trying to get a job. IGgy obliges, vowing to make Dash job to Lotus next week.
#4 Feeding the once greatest jobber to a newbie
Schir vs. D the Destroyer
Schir Determination (tm) is not enough to go against D the Destroyer
#5 Tables Match
Tolvie vs. Valerie Easton
Val gets powerbombed through a table
Scene: Palpatine introduces Kylo Ren to the world while also trying to shill his own stuff.
#6 Co-Comm championship match
Face and Kylo Ren (billed as oRa 66) vs. Woolsey Smythe & a tree (c)
After a hard fought battle Kylo Ren puts Woolsey Smythe down with two Starkillers and another random high flying move
#0 LPFWA vs. The Universe
Hell-Ena vs. Asuka
The undefeated Empress of Tomorrow is undefeated no more. Hell-Ena earns the win
After the show...
Kadorhal posted:
Well, that hurt... A lot. Not quite sure why I'd be expecting it not to, though. Still, not all bad. We won, and we're champions now! And Ren invited me to watch that "ruby" thing too, which could be a fun evening... assuming the show itself's not as edgy and grating as that song, I guess. I mean I get liking that sort of thing... when you're thirteen, maybe... but hey.
Still, wonder what was up with that feeling of dread I had before the ma-
Face's phone suddenly rings.
Hello?
Hey, Face, good to see you won your first match. I tell ya, honestly, I didn't think you had it in you. Less so than that other guy you're with, but still, close to 50-50 not-in-you. Anyway, congratulations on being a champion from the second show onward. Now get out here, I need you to hook something up on the Titantron. I'm here and I've got an announcement to make.
Aww... Can't I at least have a few moments to recuperate? Even if we won, I still kind of got beaten up. You know how wrestling is.
I suppose I do, yes. Alright... eight minutes. Keep resting for eight minutes, then go plug the thing into the Titantron. See ya then... or, not. It's not two-way, after all.
The totally mysterious guy on the other end ends the call. Face just shakes his head.
Gaah... but the Titantron is so far out there... and I'm in here, in the doctor's office that has Goldberg's name on it for some reason... kind of confusing to navigate, really, hope the boss'll be okay when he's out and about. Fuck it, I'll just borrow his TV, it's good enough...
Eight minutes later...
The TV in the doctor's office suddenly comes to life... still with static, for some reason. Much less than previous attempts, however, so there's an improvement. Clearly visible on the television is... Gordon Freeman?
Good morning, afternoon, evening, whatever it is here on the moon, superstars and lunar viewing public. I apologize that I could not make a less showy introduction for myself - say, a guest-appearance at the commentator's table - but time crunches and all that. Anyway, my name is Gordon Threemen, and I am the CEO of Kadorhal, Incorporated, the fine company you have no doubt seen many advertisements for during yesterday's performances. I'm here to say, simply, that the moon - as you are no doubt aware, considering the presence of this wrestling promotion - is untapped potential. The Wild West, moved more... uh, north-ish, I guess? There's no cardinal direction for gaining altitude, shit. Well regardless, there's money to be made up here! And Kadorhal, Inc. is here to get in on that money. We've already got various goods and services on sale, again as you are no doubt aware of already from our advertisements, and we hope that with a new lunar-based operation we can improve the quality and production-time. Perhaps, even, expanding further...? There's still a whole eight other planets... seven? Eh, Pluto's still a planet. It was when I was born, fuck off! There's still a whole rest of the solar system to explore... the business opportunities of, that is. And once we've gone beyond that... there's a whole galaxy. And another whole galaxy some of our talent has been coming from. We're looking forward and ahead, is what I'm getting at.
Now that all the introductions are out of the way, allow me to make a few more statements regarding the future of the moon and our co-
Threemen's image is suddenly removed from the TV as it turns off. Face is standing nearby, holding the device he'd connected to it to allow the message to be transmitted - disconnected from the TV.
Sorry, boss. Ren just brought those Blu-rays, and we need to borrow a TV. Eh, I'm sure he had a script or something, he can read off it some other time.
Zanzibar Ham posted:
"Woah.... Err... Great work. We made.. Progress... Come back.... No quick fixes... Gotta lie down... for second."
"... secretary... fired."
Rather Watch Them posted:
Tolvie, you... are much taller in person. Thankfully, your bomb powers have inadvertently awakened a new facet of my water-based sorcery.
Valerie produces an ice pack and presses it to her forehead.
Ice. Lots and lots of ice... My defeat had only made me stronger. I have fully, fully experienced the leyline's energy, and now... I need to lay down.
DivineCoffeeBinge posted:
I know how you feel, believe me. Here, try this special pain-reducing coffee. I developed it after... was it the seventh time I got suplexed? Something like that.
The secret ingredient is vodka.
Don't tell IGgy. Or Dash Rendar, for that matter.
Mathwyn posted:
I would've hoped that the events just witnessed would refute any claims I am a ghost! Could a ghost interact physicaly in the ring like that? I think not! Unless they were cursed by a gypsy woman that they won't know rest until they are famous in the ring of honour, but that would be completely ridiculous! See? Not a ghost.
That should throw them off for a while Woolsey. You are as excellent a thespian as ever. Stupid gypsy crone wasn't lying though, turns out I can touch things in the ring, though I can also still feel pain. A lot of pain. Almost as much as when I was crus-
No Woolsey, you promised yourself you wouldn't think about that. No need to dwell on the painful past. Just think about the painful present. And probable painful future. Speaking of...
ALSO WOULD WHOEVER HAS THEIR RECORD PLAYER TURNED UP SO LOUD CUT IT OUT! THAT ISN'T EVEN MUSIC. WHERE IS THE SAXOPHONE? WHERE IS THE ORCHESTRA? DON'T MAKE ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER ABOUT THIS!
I should also have a chat with that tree. He was highly unprofessional but I overheared an excellent, though highly inaccurate, tag team name. And Woolsey Smythe is never one to let a little tiff get in the way of a snazzy idea.
VolticSurge posted:
So, we won. I must admit that masked man is pretty capable. He will make a fine ally apprentice. Honestly, I didn't expect to win-the Supreme Leader never trained me to fight ghosts or angry trees. Neither did RWBY. That thing smacked me around for a while, I can still feel it. It is a good pain.Fortunately, it suddenly lost the desire to win,allowing me to hold the ghost in place with the Force for 3 seconds. That took ALL of my concentration and training to pull off. And to think I could get even stronger under Lord Sidious' tutelage!
Also, masked man-Face, I think your name is- I.. can't believe I'm saying this... but I apologize for leaving such a bad first impression. I'm not used to having a partner. Subordinates,sure. But I never had someone who I could really...talk to. It feels...nice. I don't know if that's a bad thing or not, yet. But one thing I know for sure- keep training and you might be good enough to be a Knight of Ren one day. Maybe. So, how's about it? Willing to start fresh? You can come over and I can introduce you to RWBY. I got all the Blu-Rays and I can get that loser FN-2187 to pick up snacks for the both of us! It'll be fun... I mean, if you're interested. No skin off my back if you aren't, nosiree.
nine-gear crow posted:
...Read the card.
*sigh* "Congratulations, boys. I am very [EMOTION HERE] of [BOTH / ONE] of you."
That's supposed to say "proud". I left it blank because who knows which way that gong show was gonna go. Right, thank you, Galen. You can leave now.
But--
Vamoose! I'm talking to the Talent now.
It was my esteemed privilege to serve you in your victory, Lord Sidious.
Same, boss.
Riiiiight. Welp, those campaign posters aren't gonna design themselves and fuck me if I'm letting Starkiller touch Photoshop again, so get back to your REAL jobs already, before I have you replaced with even cheaper knock offs.
...There's a cheaper Vader knock off than Ren?
*twiddles fingers* Face, my boy, you have no idea....
Dragonatrix posted:
Look, I know there's some people questioning what happened last night and it's simple.
Sometimes, you're a traitor to bunnikind and you get punished for it. When that happens, you have to accept your punishment.
It's a lesson. For the kids.
Yeah, that's it.
no, shush, they can't know that yet
Raramuffin posted:
Wow, Lotus, you got destroyed out there. You let Iggumz beat you? >:3
You know, there's a way you can regain your honor in the eyes of the Cosmic Bun and let Her light shine on you once more. I don't think it will get rid of the curse of the Bunny Championship :3 on the LPFWA but I don't think I would wanna do that anyway, the belt is too cute :3
It may be a difficult road to travel, but nobody ever said achieving the three B's was easy. Let me know if you wanna join me in my bunology studies and become one of my leporine laborers. For justice, or whatever :3
