Part 2

Unfortunately for the people who want me to invest in EVERYTHING, the game forces you to buy stocks in lots of 1000 shares. Plus, you can only hold five stocks at a time, meaning that diversifying is annoying. I think I did a decent job selecting, though.

Week 1: The Value of $1000


Damnit damnit DAMNIT!
What's wrong honey?
I don't know the first thing about stocks!
Huh... it can't be THAT hard, maybe you're just not trying. Anyway, I actually know a guy. Name's Stanley the stock consultant, he might be able to help you. Give him a call.


Hey Stanley, fuck you.
... what the hell? Come on, the guy's a genius.
I want to learn, but I don't want to PAY for it.
What kind of cheapass are you? ... look, you've got that... whatchamacallit, computer box there, doesn't it have the internet on it? I hear you can find everything on the internet.
Even visual representations of people engaging in sexual intercourse?
Surely not THAT. But stocks? Go to goggle.com and type "stock," see what comes up.
Oh wow...


They even have forums where you can ask for information from peer consultants! Wait a minute... TEN BUCKS TO SIGN UP? WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SCAM IS THIS?!
Just do it already! It's cheaper than $500, at any rate.
I'll never win.

Hours later



These "goon$" sure do know their stuff. So I should diversify into as many stocks as possible?
I guess? I dunno. My daddy always said you can only hold five stocks at once.
That sounds like utter bullshit, I've got plenty of money to go around. Why don't I
Daddy says you can only invest in five stocks and daddy is always right, you will do what I say.
...

And thus, Slade's career as a daytrader began. He bought 2000 shares of Yapple, 3000 shares of Pan Mam, 1000 shares of American Depress, 1000 of Charles Schlob, and 3000 of Carnivore Cruise Lines.

Wednesday


PAN MAM! I... damnit! I wonder what the paper has to say about stocks today...


"News Headlines: Muggings up 500% overnight at local mall." Huh. Sounds inconsequential! But those stocks... I'll switch Pan Mam for 2000 shares of Rattel.
Hooooooneeeeeeeeeeeeey! I'm boooooooooooored. Do something with me.
A pants-on or pants-off activity?
The pants-off activity doesn't come until I've gotten my daily present! Really Slade, I thought I trained you better than that.
Fine... we'll go shopping, then.


Well then what the hell am I supposed to do?!
I don't know, YOU figure it out.

Thursday


Ugh.... Amed and C. Schlob aren't doing ANYTHING.
You should call my girlfriend Connie, she's a consultant and she knows eeeeeeeeverything.
You don't say...


What's so good about your information that it costs $1000?!
Well, let's just say I have... exclusive sources. I've got hot info, promise you'll turn a profit.
Wait a minute, I read about this. Isn't that called "insider trading"?
... You're not a cop, right?
And if I am?
THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER.

Man, daytrading is stressful, I need to get out and do something.


That's better.

Friday


Ugh, who the hell are you, calling me at 4 in the mor
Slade!
Oh crap.
I just had a dream and I came to a wonderful realization. I love dogs! Will you buy me one please pretty please?
Ugh, can it wait until tomorrow?
Alright fine. But you'd better take me on a picnic today to make up for the wait!


Did you just complement your OWN IDEA?
It's how I remain such a positive thinker.

Later...

It's the end of the week, I'd better check my portfolio.


Curse you Amed and C. Schlob!


You two are OUTTA HERE. Whew, making that decision made me PUMPED. Time to hit the weights!


Strength! Agility! I'm going to have such a sexy body that Prisila will be all over me.
Not until you buy me that dog!
You followed me to the gym?!
Gotta make sure you're staying on the straight and narrow. You wouldn't go after someone younger and more attractive, would you?
Well...
WOULD YOU?!
_{No ma'am.}
That's just what I wanted to hear. Now, about that dog...


Why do I feel like I'm about to be mugged...
We're here to look at dogs! Bring us the bestest, most expensivest ones you've got!
Well we've got a chihuahua for $500...
Boooooring!
... and a french poodle for $1000.
Oh! That one I want that one!
A thousand bucks for a dog? It better be able to do calculus and swim the English channel.
FRENCH poodle. All it does is act snooty towards you.
What if I don't want either?
SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADE! BUY IT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
Oh god damnit fine, just bag the poodle to go before she goes blue in the face.

Thus concludes week 1. Carnivore Cruise Lines did very well, and Yapple saw some growth. Let's try to do better this next week.

For the beginning of week 2...


*** HOT STOCKS BULLETIN ***
Firedman's Fund
American Depress
Reebucks Int'l
Boing
Carnivore Cruise Lines


WHAT?! I sold Amed and it went up 4% the next day?!




We've got some money to spend, so propose changes to the portfolio for week 2.