Part 5
Thanks asshole you spoiled the ending to the thread, now I have to start over.EndOfTheWorld posted:
You know what else Connie has? A job. Fucking Priscilla and her insatiable desire for yippy-dogs and sports cars is going to drive the poor Wall Street Kid to murder/suicide.
Not really.
Week 5: Chrying All the Way to the Bank
Fat Daddy Slade is back in the saddle, baby!
I don't wanna wear the saddle tonight, it chafes. You'll do what I tell you. Oh please. It's not like anyone else will even talk to you willingly, let alone have freaky sex with you. That's totally not true - I've... been getting along well with Connie. It's amazing what a work partnership based on blackmail can achieve. I'll show you!
Reeeeeeeeeeeeeejected! CRAM IT YOU SHAMELESS PROSPECTOR. Damnit, I really need to get off on the right foot this time... let's see what the goon$ have to say.
Oh for FUCK'S SAKE. But... Chryer. According to the papers, they're on the up... but why would Connie not know about that? She actually doesn't have any real stock info, she just charges people $1000 to hear her shitty jokes. It's the most amazing scam I've ever seen... and I probably shouldn't have mentioned that. So I don't have any dirt on her? Not a damn thing. (Whew, he'll never suspect I just lied to him... if he knew he were actually capable of doing things on his own my stranglehold on him would be crushed!) I see... well, that's a pity. (You're lying, damnit, and I can prove it! But I'll keep that in my back pocket for now...)
Yes, Chryer. IT'S ALL FALLING INTO PLACE. Think I'll call Connie to gloat in her face that I did something better than her for once.
...
What's with the awkward silence?ffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUU
... ... ... well, if you want OTHER advice... I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF THIS IS ABOUT AMED I WILL RAPE AND KILL YOUR FAMILY. Actually, this is about Chryer and Pan Mam. Chryer had a huge business deal that fell through. Get out of it, NOW. As for Pan Mam, they bought out one of their primary competitors, they're going to see a huge surge after the announcement on Wednesday. ... I'll trust you. Just this once. Time to dump everything in Pan Mam...
This has GOT to be a joke. But on the off chance it isn't...
HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN Eeeeeeyyyyyy... Oh, it's you. Come groveling back to me now that Connie just made me even richer? Actually asshole, I just came to bring to your attention that a house this awesome needs a bitching TV and entertainment system. You're going to buy us one. Huh... for once, I actually agree with you.
We want a hi-def plasma huge screen TV with all the whoosawhatsits!
Shaorp. Right. The $3000 set is more expensive and therefore better. Plus, the name doesn't seem like a sham to me. I guess we'll take that one.
IT'S NOT JUST FOR YOU.
*** HOT STOCKS BULLETIN ***
Firedman's Fund
American Depress
Reebucks International
Boing
Carnivore Cruiselines
*** NEWS HEADLINES ***
Space expedition set for early next year - life support station to be built on Plutosos.
*BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNG*
What NOW?
Fuck off and die, Doc the... what? Dock worker? That's the laziest fucking name ever. And now for other business...
Their Yapple yPod is set to turn the music industry upside down. Connie, I say this with the greatest sincerity, so don't take this the wrong way - your sense of humor has all the subtlety of a road accident and it's twice as ugly. So it's like your face then. Fucking BURN. Prisila, what the hell are you doing listening on the other phone? You really thought I'd trust you talking to another woman? Pfft, poor, naive Sladey boy... Connie, you've got to get me out of this house, I'm scared. You got yourself into this mess!
Week 5 has been laid to rest with a $180,000 profit, which means we're well on our way to our goal this month. We sucked Pan Mam dry, so now it's time to move on - suggest changes!