Part 6

Week 6: Revenge of the Golddigger


Pan Mam, I'd give you a viking funeral if I could, but now it's time to move on to bigger and better things. Yapple looks like it might be hot... what say you, goon$?!


DON'T YOU FUCKING SUGGEST AMED TO ME, I WILL BURN THEIR CORPORATION TO THE GROUND.
Wait, he said to put 50% in Yapple and 50% in what Connie said... which was also Yapple. Wouldn't that make 100%?
I'm capable of doing basic math you know! _{Shut up I knew that...}


It's time for some hardcore STOCKINATING.



... $50,000 in one day. I think I just miscarried.
Honey, I'm boooooored.
You... heh, you can go... heh, hiking.


Excellent.


Yapple I could fucking kiss you right now. But... you look like you're on the way out.
SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAADE!!!
Did someone just murder a cat?
There are TICKS in my HAIR.
Use fire.
This isn't funny!
Yes it is.
Help me or you're not getting this weird package that came in the mail.
Or you give it to me anyway because it's against federal law to tamper with someone else's mail.
... fine, here. Now if you'll excuse me I'll just be PLUCKING VERMIN FROM MY SCALP.
Hang in there little dudes. Hey, it's from Yapple... they sent me a complimentary yPod for investing so heavily in their company.


Now I kinda feel bad for selling all my shares in it... I should probably call Connie.


Do I hear Prisila screaming?
Yeah. She hates bugs. She's been pissing me off lately so I sent her on out hiking on a trail that was infested with ticks.
I bet that sure TICKed her off! Ha! Ha! Ha!
I'll just be hanging up now.


Diversification is for pussies.


Ahahahaha, this is like fucking cheating. I think I'll do more of it.


Because bankruptcy is fucking HILARIOUS.
It is, isn't it?
Only if it's American Depress.
Hey, by the way, watch out for Von Golddigger, I hear she's up to something.
She's been sulking ever since the tick thing, I'm beginning to think I may regret my asshattery.




Another profitable week under my belt!

*BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNG*

Oh great, I bet it's that crazy ass sailor again.


Wait what the fuck, the wedding isn't scheduled until November... unless... PRISILA GET YOUR ASS IN HERE NOW.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmyeeeeeeeeeessssssssss my dear?
What's this about this honeymoon on a yacht THAT I NEVER WANTED TO BUY?
Well I want the yacht. And to ensure that you BUY it for me, I moved the date of the wedding up! It'll be held right after you sign the papers to buy the yacht.
...
Remember Sladey, part of the inheritance agreement is that you get married. Looks like you've got two weeks to see that it happens!
C.... co....
Connie? Yes, call her. See if I care. You deserve this for being such a bad fiancé!




You KNEW ABOUT THIS!
Sorry bud, but you're not the only one blackmailing me.
I really don't want to go through with this. Is $600 billion dollars enough to sell your soul over?
What kind of retarded question is that?
Yeah that was pretty stupid... but still, I've been second-guessing the whole marriage.
Just marry the hag. Even if you can't get a pre-nup, a divorce still leaves you with $300 fucking billion dollars.
But then she'd win. The money would be tainted if I let that happen.
Well, whatever. I got some more information...


Toy Rats. You're not even trying anymore.
And you're just now noticing?

Week 6 is done, and we're well on our way to the month's goal of $1,540,000. Unfortunately for our protagonist, Prisila is looking to make this as agonizing as possible. Help ease Slade's uneasiness by giving him some bitchin' stock advice.

Hot stocks: Boing, Carnivore, American Depress , Rattel, Firedman's Fund
Connie: Rattel