Part 3: Act 2: Good, mindless fun

Image quality is not perfect on this one, I unfortunately took all the screens before I started using Infranview. Sorry about that. Should, however, be better.

Act 2: Good, mindless fun

: Chieftain we've received a distress signal from a nearby encampment of warriors bound into the same service as us! I suggest we make haste deeper into the swamps and lend them our aid.

: Warriors want help? Peh! They weak. Take land from them when we done, Chieftain.

: What? We barely have enough food stores as it is, what you're sug-

: More land, more power.

: Hmmm, Vilefeast here has a good point Bloodgut. I do like power.

: But, Chieftain-!

: More land, more power.

: Gotta go with power. Bloodgut, pack my things. Vilefeast, ready the men. We march.

: ...yes, Chieftain.



Okay, this is a little more loose than the first mission, but the goal here is to eliminate all the humans on the map. This is a little more unique (and easier) than later levels because the humans have no base, and will charge your town from time to time. This is often done to the tune of "The pale dogs approach!", which has given me endless joy over these years.

: It seems a group of humans have set up a nearby encampment. Perhaps the cause of this group's troubles?

: It not matter. We crush problem, no matter what.



: Here we are, Chieftain; the location Blackhand wished for us to assist.

: ...This place is worse off then our own piece of shit base.

: Heh. Shit.

: Vilefeast's fecophilia aside, this place is awful. I mean, look over there for instance-



: Daemon blood! What that? Perfect weapon!

: He's fighting with a stick!

: It sharpened!

: ...By the clans. Vilefeast, get to clearing out the surrounding area of anything that could possibly menace this village.

: ...

: Simple words, Chieftain.

: Vilefeast go. Smash things. Victory.

: Smashing and victory!

Here's the second combat unit you get and the first ranged one (of the very, very few). The spearman is without a doubt my favorite unit. They have little life, little armor, and halfway decent damage. However, where they excel is speed. They can quickly outpace a footman or grunt, and only lose out to a fully upgraded knight or raider. However, they come really cheap, so they make for great scouts and bait.



: So. Sharp stick, eh?



: Heh! Let see power of stick!



: Stick good. Me give you grog back home. We clean up here and celebrate.

Meanwhile, back at base...

: I swear, when I return to Draenor, I'll never volunteer for a job like this ag... uh?



: Chieftain? Chieftain! ...NIGEL, HELP ME! WHERE ARE YOU!?



: Okay... Okay... I can do this. Sharp sticks seem to work for these guys.



: Bloodgut. What you doing? Oooh! Human! Me cru- Wha?



: Bloodgut! You kill! Me confused!

: ...It... It was just a sharp stick.

: Lok'tar! Bloodgut warrior now!



: You hunt now! Together, like brother! Lok'tar ogar!

: H-hey! Victory or death!? Isn't that a bit much? Besides, Chieftain Necksmasher needs me to oversee production here...

: Hey, Bloodgut. Which of these sticks would you say is sharper?

: Let's go.



: Ooh, Bloodgut started some construction over here... let me see these plans here... I see. You there! Peons! Get to work on that Mill!



: Ah, it's beautiful... now if only I knew what it was supposed to be for...

Mills, for those of you unfamiliar with the Warcraft games, allow you to build the next tier of units: in this case the spearman. Unfortunately, unlike the other Warcraft games, your workers don't return any gathered wood to the mill. This is also where you upgrade your spearmen's attacks.



: Ah, well. Might as well use it for something. Peons, get to work tying some pointy rocks onto our pointy sticks! It's a double whammy!



: Human! Here? Where's Vilefeast? Bloodgut? Thunder and bellows!

: LOK'TAR OGAR!



: Bloodgut? You're covered in blood!

: Haha, Nigel, it was amazing! Vilefeast and I hunted down humans around the swamp. The blood I wear is that of the human pig-dogs!

: No. It yours. You fell on own stick. Be careful, it sharp.

: Oh! Speaking of which! I had the great idea. Bloodgut, head over to the mill and get to tying rocks onto sticks.

: But, Necksmasher, I'm a warrior now, I've tasted the blood of my enemy, I've hunted my prey through the wilds. I belong out with Vilefeast here.

: Haha, yes, you're a "warrior." That's great. Now tie these rocks onto those sticks.

: ...Yes, Nigel.

: Oh, and private? It's Chieftain, not Nigel.

: If I may speak freely then, Chieftain. Why don't we just attach sharpened blades onto the ends of the sticks? Create true spears out of them, yes?



Ah, yes, the final upgrade for the spearmen is... an actual spear. For those of you not keeping track, the upgrade path goes: pointy stick -> pointy rock -> spear. Orcish technology, beating the piss out of humans with string and gum since 1993.

: ...Peh. I mean, it's a good idea. It wouldn't have gotten there without my rock ideas. Bloodgut. Gather the men and send them off scouting. Let's round up the rest of the humans and get to building me a palatial flat.

: Of course, Chieftain.



And now a good-side/bad-side with my favorite unit here. Sending out two spearmen is great for scouting, but they do lack in hit points and armor, so when this happens...



...then this happens...



There are a few things I've neglected to mention earlier. Unit sight is awful. They really only illuminate a sparse few tiles around them, making an ambush by slow units like the footmen actually quite dangerous. As well, the AI is programmed to follow a unit that it's engaged with until death. This can be frustrating if you have no way to get help out to one of your units as it is essentially dead. However, if you have a swift moving unit like the spearman...



...you then have the perfect bait. It also lets you run the spearman around for while you get the rest of your forces into positions.



: Chieftain, the spears are combat ready.



: Excellent, send forth the men. Purge the land of these human scum, so that we may begin work on my empire.

: At once, Chieftain.

: Come, men. You throw spear! Me snap bone!



: With the warriors gone, perhaps we could turn our attention to our economic situation?

: Situation? What situation? We crush the humans, establish a foothold here, then crush the rest of the humans.

: Chieftain-



: -our gold mine has collapsed.

: You never bring me good news.

: I do my best, Chieftain.

: Where am I supposed to get more gold in the forsaken swamp?

Back with the war party...



: SMASH! SMASH! SMASH!



: DIE, HUMAN! HAHAHAHA!



: You no run anywhere! Rah!



: Chieftain, it seems that Vilefeast has discovered a gold mine in the course of his travels.

: Is this one made with something a little more durable than dried tinder?

: Chieftain! Look out!







: Ogre teets! We're going to die! Look in his eyes!

: Chieftain!



: ...Bloodgut?

: I am a warrior, after all, Chieftain.



That's honestly how the level ended. A lone archer rushing my base like a crazed madman. It was a little anticlimactic, really. Aaaaand, here's that victory screen.



I, for one, think it's very progressive of orcs to adopt human military ranks.