Warcraft: Orcs & Humans Part #9 - Act 6: Wait, which way does this map go?

Part 9: Act 6: Wait, which way does this map go?

Act 6: Wait, which way does this map go?

: Darkweaver will taste my vengeance by the end of this day.

: If by vengeance, do you mean Vilefeast's axe?

: Every warrior has his weapon, and Vilefeast just so happens to be mine. Speaking of which...

: Are we there yet, Vilefeast?

: Uh. Yes. Groinbiter tell me so.

: Alright, Bloodgut, set up camp here. We lay siege to Blackrock.

: Chieftain-

: Spearmen, head to the east, secure a position in the mountains.

: Chieftain-

: Vilefeast, take the raiders west and scout out those green outcroppings of rock.

: Zug-zug.

: Chieftain-

: Chieftain, mine here in green, fuzzy rocks.

: Waitwaitwait. Is this grass? What the hell? There's no grass at Blackrock Spire!

: Chieftain, as I was trying to say... this is not Blackrock Spire.

: But how-?

: ...really?

: What's that look for?

: You let Vilefeast guide us!

: He's becoming more... intelligent.

: I'm da nagivabator!

: ...ugh. Go find us a way home, Vilefeast. Go "nagivabate" us one.

: Chieftain like me today. Give me all best jobs.

: I'll start to break camp... I wonder how far off track we are.

: Hell.

: Nigel! Nigel! Humans!

And here's our introduction to why Warcraft:O&H can be rather frustrating towards the later levels. Random attacks constantly. Constantly. Just you wait and see.

: Humans? How in the Twisting Nether are they all the way over here?

: Not the time! Help me!

: Calm down, when you've killed one human, you can kill a hundred of them. Grunts! Form up!

: See, Bloodgut? Nothing to worry abou-

: Oh, for the love of Ner'zhul. Vilefeast!

: Lok'tar ogar! Best field trip ever!

: These orcs look human-y.

: That's because they are huma-

: Disguised. Yup, Blackhand disguised his men as humans... to, uh, trick you?

: Why are you telling him this?

: I don't want to ruin this for him. I mean, just look at how happy he is.

: ...He's dancing.

: Think of it this way: Better he burn off some excess rage here thinking he's beating up Blackhand, rather than him getting upset when we leave this place.

: That doesn't make any sense.

: Eh, well I tried. Honestly, I just like lying to him. It's become addicting. Speaking of which... Vilefeast! There's a massive number of trees assaulting from the north! Go check it out.

: For Chieftain Neckmasher!

: Eh? Trees guarding gold! Vilefeast steal! Me champion of orcs! Lok'tar! Hm? A bridge? I remember something about bridges.

: Eh? Me forget. Oh, well.

: Ow. Ow. Ow.

How many times will they pull this trick!?

: Aaaaaand here he comes. Covered in human arrows too.

: I'm always impressed by his ability to be so stupid that he cannot be killed.

: Chieftain, what these things?

: I don't pay you to question things, Vilefeast. I pay you to...

: Smash things?

: Smash things. Pinecone for you!

: *chomp, chomp* Ffank yoo Jeeftan!

: Vilefeast, don't talk with your mouth full, it's... it's just horrifying.

: Mmm. More here! Me earn pinecone today! Earn good!

: Oh, hell, where are they all coming from?

: Vilefeast! Follow the pinecone!

: HURRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

: Heh. Tactical genius.

: Uh, Chieftain?

: HURRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

: Neat.

: Chieftain, we have someone fleeing from Vilefeast, possibly attempting to flank us from behind.

: Ah, yes, an elderly human, how could I not notice the immediate threat?

: Seems like he's taken residence in the mine up north.

: Vilefeast. Solve. This. Problem.

: Easiest math ever! Me plus axe plus wolf plus... uhh... strength equals minus your head! ME IS FUNNY.

: Well, someone certainly hates to have his wallet threatened. That said, we've completed our barracks, if we're to lay siege to the humans here.

For those of you not keeping track at home, everything that happened prior to this was before I could even get a Barracks up. Yes, the later levels of Warcraft are unforgiving.

: Then we move to the offensive. Vilefeast, take your men and take the bridge!

: Is time for me to do a double take!

: This people squishy. Squishy orc? So strange!

: Take one complete! Take two is... uh... take nap! Go smash without me. It just bridge. Bridge always friend!

: Er, Chieftain. Where's Vilefeast during this slaughter?

: ...Oh, he'd better be dead.

: A massacre. A complete massacre.

: VILEFEAST.

: Hzzz... -huh? Chieftain! Face is funny! Red like blood!

: Vilefeast, understand that I'm controlling my anger when I say you are relieved of your duties in today's battle.

: ...

: ...Vilefeast?

: Me no understand.

: Understand this: You give axe me. Time out corner, now.

: But I... but I... and I...

: Oh, by the winds of change, what just happened!?

: He needed to know what he did was bad. That's right, bad Vilefeast. Bad.

: Were those... tears?

: Pfft. Like Vilefeast can cry. Come, let's get to battle. With Vilefeast out of the way, we need a new captain. And I think I know just the gullible idiot.

: ...I'm standing right here, Chieftain. No need to be rude.

: Who said I was talking about you? ...But I do thank you for volunteering. Now get out there and show 'em what for.

: Nasty... these things again. Alright, men, target practice!

I realize that I didn't mention these creatures before. These are scorpions, summoned by enemy conjurers. They have low life, low damage, and "meh" speed. They're essentially speed bumps. However, used properly, they can be clutch creatures. Thankfully, the AI is using these as poorly as possible.

: Nicely done. I have a feeling we'll need a lot more men. We'll have to do with our manpower and minds what Vilefeast couldn't do with his brute strength and uhh... hygiene problems.

: Charge! We'll take this bridge for the orcish people!

: Oh, it's so tempting... I shouldn't. I really shouldn't. It's been done to death but...

: Victory.

Back at base...

: Alright, with those two out of my hair, it's time to test my newest little "toy."

: Heh. Hehehehe.

Back at the bridge...

: Will they ever stop coming? These humans are persistent. We're already ankle deep in their blood.

: Of cooooourse there's more. Men! Form up! Front line, drop shoulder! Flanks, spears out at the ready. Aaaaand... fire!

Another reason why spearmen are my favorite unit: They are nearly unstoppable in a mass. What could stop that you say? Hmmm...

: Well done. Now fan out and have this area secured. I'm sure we'll find the human settlement soon. From there we can begin in earnest. Steady yourselves.

: Let's have the left flank scout out the area. Work quietly and discreetly. Silence any humans you see.

Back at base...

: Oh hell yes. This is going to be so bitchin'.

: We're getting pounded out here. Where's our reinforcements already?

: Eh?

: WOOOOO HOOOOOO!

Catapults, oh, catapults. How do I love and loathe thee. Catapults can essentially one-shot anything, with the exception of the demon . However with great power comes... well, huge drawbacks. Catapults move at a snails pace, fire just as slow, and have a tendency to tear gaping holes in your own army. However, they are still awesome as hell. You can one shot an army! Hell yes.

: I have no words.

: Check it out, Bloody! I made it myself! ...with like three peons helping me.

: ...and you seem relaxed.

: I've been drinking.

: Great.

: Oooh!

: Awesome.

: Alright, we have the firepower, let's move out. My men have discovered the human town.

: Hey, who put you in charge?

: I believe you did, Chieftain.

: I'm drunk enough to believe that.

: Move out.

: Strike along the outlying buildings. Be quick and don't rush forward carelessly. We'll win with keen wits and strategy.

: ...What.

: Holy twisted hairy warlock chins!

: Again... what?

: They have one of those too!?

: *cough* I ermm... sorta, "borrowed" the plans from the last settlement.

: We're getting crushed! Take it down, men!

And here is what takes out the super awesome spearman phalanx: Catapults. To effectively take down a catapult, you have to get in close to it's dead zone, which leaves the lightly armored spearmen vulnerable to attack. Try and take it from range and you're probably going to lose a unit or two. Tough match-up.

: Nigel, train your catapults on it!

: Hey! It's Chieftai... oh, shit.