Warcraft: Orcs & Humans Part #13 - Act 9: Between a rock and a death wagon

Part 13: Act 9: Between a rock and a death wagon

Act 9: Between a rock and a death wagon

: ...well, in light of these events...

: ...his own power mad quest...

: ...manipulated...

: ...used...

: Grrr... speak up already.

: Chieftain? Are you eavesdropping on the War Chief!?

: ...I can lie to you or I can tell you the truth-

: I'd prefer the truth.

: -and then have Vilefeast tear your arms off.

: ...I'll accept a lie, however.

: ...

: Chieftain?

: I, uh, couldn't come up with a lie. Let's just pretend this never happened.

: Necksmasher.

: Doomhamm-

: War Chief.

: ...War Chief, uh... Hey.

: I'm going somewhere. I'm putting you in charge of destroying the humans.

: I just dropped my monocle and I happened to- What?

: There's... something... on Draenor I have to attend to. Garona will be leaving as well. You have the entire army at your disposal.

: ...

: You have your orders.

: ...

: GO.

A few days later...

It's tough to see in the shot here, but we're besieging Goldshire and Moonbrook. However, that blasted Deadmines just happens to block the way!

: Okay, is this awesome or horrible?

: A little from column A... a little from column B...

: Horrsome!

: ...did he just say what I think he did?

: I don't think Vilefeast realizes what it sou-

: WHORES.

: And now I can't tell whether or not he's becoming more intelligent. Could this war get any worse?

: Well...

: No. Don't even open your thrice-damned mouth.

: Heehee... Bloodgut in trouble.

: Vilefeast. What are you doing not scouting?

: Me like new chieftain better. Big hammer.

: Oooh, chieftain! Another gold mine!

: What? How rich are these hills? We've already got several veins closer to camp.

: Well, if I could speak freely, Chieftain-

: Denied. I'd rather remain peacefully unaware that we're on some ancient burial site of gold dragons or some other such nonsense.

: You know, these resources could actually be quite useful to the efforts, assuming we survive that is.

: Oh, so you think your pessimism is going to get me to ask "Why?" Yeah, nice try, but I've got Vilefeast here. I've seen him tear off an ogre's head. We won't be dying anytime soon.

: Oh, yes, and he's quite the genius. I suppose he would be fully aware of our predicament.

: Hey, he may not be bright, but he's got heart!

: Uh, chieftain?

: What-? Oh, for the love of- VILEFEAST! HUMANS! It's like dealing with an orcling.

: Would someone kill those humans already!?

: Ooh! Me miss all action! When you fight humans?

: More humans, chieftain.

: From the south? Can't they decide on one damn path to get here?

: Funny you say that-

: Shut it. Don't want to know. Just blindly murdering anything that happens to annoy me today.

: Well, chieftain, if you would-

: Oh, what's that? "I'm a minor nuisance and have contributed nothing to this war, and would be glad to die for you, chieftain?" Why that's very kind of you, Bloodgut.

: ...Fine. I'll go tend the farms.

: Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I'm surrounded by... WHAT THE HELL!?

: How you get here, human? Oh, well. Smash, smash, smash!

: Mmm, is good. Groinbiter hungry anyway. Nom-noms, Groin-y.

: Chieftain, did you see that?

: Yeah, "Groin-y"? Vilefeast has sunk to a new low in mental capacities.

: No! That human, he appeared out of thin air!

: I never liked that expression. What's the difference between thin air and any other air?

: This is serious!

: I completely agree. I'll talk to the warlocks about it.

: Hey. Is there such a thing as thin air? And can one "disappear into it?"

: Chieftain, more humans appearing right in front of us!

: All wishes come true! Smash Faerie is real! She answer my dreams!

: Ugh... I'm going to have to solve this problem, aren't I?

: Bloodgut, get me my death wagon.

: Vilefeast, take Groinbiter and scout out whatever is going on down south. Probably some human blood ritual or something.

: Are you ready for me to tell you what the scouting reports said?

: Y'know, what? Fine. Do it. Tell me what it is we're facing.

: Well, the town we're besieging is actually within close proximity to another. This means we'll contend with both armies at once, and be stuck in a pincer formation.

: Wait, why are we stuck in a pincer formation?

: Well, the location we chose to break ground isn't exactly tactically sound...

: Doomhammer told me to set up exactly here!

So, yes, this is the first map where you have to take on more than one town at a time. If you're not careful on your defense you will get torn limb from limb in a matter of moments. We'll actually see my own error later on. As well, scouting ahead of time is just about useless since the humans now use invisibility spells to walk their units right into your base. However, this is also a good thing, because they're coded to walk directly to your base if invisibility is cast upon them. If the spells wears off, they'll just keep walking, even if you wail on them with axes. Food for thought.

: Gee, I wonder why he'd do that...

: Yes, very mysterious. I'd kill him but...

: We both know that you'd just tell Vilefeast to go "smash" him.

: Yeah, but even Vile-y isn't up to that task just yet. By my grandfather's axe, what am I saying? "Vile-y?" He's starting to get to me, Bloodgut.

: Hmm... sounds like Vilefeast has encountered some resistance to the south.

: Bridge demons. Me men take care of it, though.

: ...Vilefeast. Shouldn't you be with your men?

: They good. Bridge demons weak, and me train them myself.

: ...They're beating the humans with the spear haft.

: Secret technique! Keep human alive longer for more smashing! Me teach!

: Are they... building a hut out of the corpses?

: Oh, those guys! Resourceful!

: You know, I'm starting to think that Vilefeast may be able to handle this war without us.

: ...you can't get out of it that easily, chieftain.

: Oh, hey look, one of those "thin air" guys. Okay, Bloodgut, watch this and then tell me what I can and cannot do.

: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I couldn't have staged a better shot. So that whole "blindly run to the base" thing definitely doesn't take into account any danger involved. I fortunately had my catapult in just the right spot to make for a hilarious explosion.

: Oop! Got another one! HAHAHAHA!

: "Honor" is not a word you believe in, is it, chieftain?

: All's fair in love and war, Bloodgut. On that note, I'm going to grab a whore. Vilefeast had me thinking about it.

: WHORE-SOME!

: ...I'll take over the defenses then. Men, to the bridges, let not even a fly make it's way past you!

: I see gaps! Shore them up!

: Nicely done, and just in time, eh?

: ...Vilefeast has been training you, hasn't he?

: Wear skull for helmet! It scarier! Rawr! RAWR!

: Ah, and it seems that our tower has been completed. If I recall...

: Ah, yes, those human books mentioned a spell that might prove useful. Speaking of which...

: Seems like our necrolytes have been studying as well.

: Warlocks! Get your pets out scouting, and we'll see about getting you some new magiks.

: Uh, chieftain want me give you letter.

: How did he-?

Back at the town hall...

: Hehe, thanks necrolyte. I wish I had magic around more often.

In human territory...

: Besieged on all sides, and what's Nigel doing!? We need help out here!

Back behind the town hall...

: Okay. Okay. I gotta see this.

: Alright, that's the coolest thing I've seen all day. It also gives me a plan...

That's our poison cloud at work. It's a nice AoE damage spell that can tear apart armies in a matter of seconds. I want to say that it can also wreak havoc on buildings, but that's only because the human equivalent can do so. Also, it looks great for such an older game.

: That's it, Bloodgut. You're out, I'm in. I'm crushing these humans.

: Chieftain? But, I-

: LET'S DO THIS.

: Warlock? Check.

: Spiders? Check.

: Alrighty, just draw their fire aaaaannnndddd... now!

: Bwahahaha!

: That... didn't accomplish much.

: Tut-tut. Stage Two...

: Death wagon?

: Double-check.

: Execute Plan: Shut the hell up, Bloodgut.

: Mature.

: Keep it up and I'll be firing your flaming corpse over their walls.

: Guess I'll need to send in some troops to back them up. Hmm, but I don't want them hurt in the crossfire. But, oh, wait, I'm not stupid, like some leaders.

: But I never even-

: Spiders!

: That was... actually pretty impressive.

: Haha, I'm untouchable!

: Eh?

: ...Grrr...

: Chieftain?

: WHERE IS VILEFEAST!?

Back at base...

: Icky, icky, icky.

: Ugh... Die, gross buggies!

: Ahh! Where Chieftain and Weakling!?

: *cough* ...getting... dark... ow. Ow. Ow.

: No! Me no sleep yet! LOK'TAR OGAR! FLEE PUNY HUMANS LEST THE WRATH OF THE VILEFEAST CLAN FALL UPON YOUR HEADS LIKE SO MANY FLIES COME TO PICK UPON YOUR CARRION!

: MAGIC? HAH. ALL FORMS OF ILLUSION SHALL BE DISPELLED BY THE DEFT CUT OF MY BLADE.

: TO BATTLE, MEN.

So there's the human's "Rain of Fire" spell. I don't know why they target my buildings with it, but it does damage them, so it may be useful if you're chaining the spells together or... something. As well, this attack was the result of my defenses falling on the north bridge. It was pretty bad. Not shown here, all of my peons dead thanks to human dickery.

Back with Nigel's attack team...