Part 36: "France Gets Fucked" Week

Part 36: France Gets Fucked Week



Welcome to XCOM, Annette! Here, soldiers, scientists, engineers and other specialists from every country on earth have agreed to put their national boundaries aside to work together. You name a country, we’ve got someone from it.
Yemen.
Hoda Mufaddal, support-class soldier.
Whoah.
Just follow my floating viewscreen and I’ll give you the tour.



This is Engineering, run by Dr. Shen.
We’re currently working on a way to make our weapons more efficient, and another SHIV upgrade.
SHIV?
A tiny rolling tank with a big laser gun. Really handy against missions with zombies.
Zombies are real too!?
Zombies are way too fucking real. You think you’re sick of zombies in video games, wait until you see zombies all over you in real life.



Here’s the Gene Lab, where we’ve learned to use that weird mutagenic alien goo to give our soldiers superpowers. Right now, EVA is bravely volunteering to undergo an eye operation that should help her hit her targets a bit more often.
Hello! Is it true you’re psychic? Can you read my mind?
I’m not that kind of psychic…
There’s another soldier who just underwent a different use we’ve found for meld: altering your appearance to match the DNA of someone on record.



Where she’s— Yoko, what the hell are you doing?
I am Zero.
No. No, I am calling a veto on this. You’re a person, not a number. Take off that damn skull helmet, you are not doing the “mysterious killer with no past” thing.
But it makes me feel special!
HELMET OFF!



There, you happy?
Whoah! Melanin upgrade. You look good like that! Glad you kept the cute ponytail.
It was never my face to begin with. I’m a mental clone of an abductee crammed into the body of some other abductee, there is no “real me.”
(She’s what!?)
So I volunteered to use Meld to change my appearance to someone I’m going to impersonate for the next Covert Ops mission. I’m externally identical to the girlfriend of a known EXALT operative. Might as well put my lack of identity to good use… *sigh*



(I thought I would be the most screwed-up person here…)
And speaking of that, here’s our Big Board of Intrigue, where we monitor the panic levels of our funding nations and try to figure out where the hell EXALT is. …wait a minute. France?!
Is there a problem?
Sonova… we were going to send Yoko to a different country!
Obviously we should send the French girl.
No, they’re still looking for her, she’s too high profile.



Then it’s time for the backup backup Covert Operative: ZINCHENKO!
Oh, no…
Don’t worry, Commander, this time I’ve got two grenades in case they try anything! And my French is very fluent!
For fuck’s sake… Whatever. Just don’t cock it up, okay? Now, Yoko, since you’re not going out into the world yet, get your eyes upgraded at the Gene Labs too.



This is the World View, where we watch and wait for other stuff to happen. Why don’t you rest a bit while we get all the paperwork settled for you to become a proper member of XCOM?
Oh…okaaaay.



******TIME PASSES*******





Blaugh! Hurrk. It tastes like melted caterpillars!
From now on, you should be able to see much more clearly than before. With a catch… you’ll need to squint to activate the ability.
What? Oh, no, I can’t squint constantly.
Then just squint if you ever find yourself missing a shot. You won’t miss the second.



So, you think we scared the crap out of the new girl enough?
Hey, I’m not scary! Nothing about me is scary.
I can see the pores on your faces now. Everyone is scary.



Mmm! This is good, especially with Kahlua. The vodka is Swedish, not Russian, though.
Ha! I like you, kid. Anyone who knows their alcohol that well… anyway. Like I said before, if your supposed parents aren’t going to take you in anymore… Fuck it. Hilda could always use a sister.
Ohhh… heh. Let me think about it, sir.



Ugghhh… I do not recommend being shot with an alien plasma cannon.
Ah, good! Latisha’s back! And just in time to check out the new SHIV upgrades.
It’ll automatically target incoming enemies, and the dismantled drone tech we’re using will let it repair its own armor plating.
Great. I’ll pilot it on the next mission.



—which is apparently right NOW! What the hell?
Crap! The aliens are unleashing another terror attack on France!
What? Why? Is it because of me?!
Maybe. Maybe this week is just “France Gets Fucked” week. Regardless, move out, team!



That includes you, Annette. We’ll give you a trial by fire.
What? I mean, I’ll help, but… I’m a forest ranger!
So you know how to hike around, you’re good with smoke signals and you know first aid and rescue. Perfect for a support.



You have your orders. Save civilians, kill aliens. GO!



At least we have someone who can blow stuff up with her mind on our side now.
Uh…no. I can’t focus it, it’s no good as a weapon. I can make everyone’s ears bleed all around me at will, but not just one enemy.
Shit, now you tell us!
It figures we’d get a defective psychic…
Hey!



There’s reports of chrysalids, zombies, floaters and cyberdiscs. Aside from the floaters, most of these enemies will require multiple hits to down. I authorized the ammo efficiency project specifically to allow you all to unload on these motherfuckers, you hear? Bury them in hot photons!
And just so we’re clear, the machines take point, Annette. The chrysalids can’t turn the SHIV into a zombie.
…least, I fuckin’ hope they can’t… I saw this one video game, Shinobi, that had zombie tanks.



Right. Prioritize saving civilians. Every one we rescue is one less zombie we have to fight later.
Here I go!



Stop standing around! Go to the ship!
Oh! Thank you, miss.
Good job! Now, breach that door.



MERDE!
JESUS! Four of them!



AAAAUGH!



I can’t see where two of them went. Snap-shotting the first!



Killed one, wounded #2! Someone else finish it.



Right here! Annette, DUCK!



Enemy down! I got it!
Quick, everyone save these straggling civvies as you move forward. Those bugs are going to start turning everyone into zombies in minutes, but if we can kill them before they get to anyone…



I see one! I’m rushing the fucker!



AH! Bad idea, bad idea! Two more coming right at me!



FUUUUUCK! DIEEE!



One down, oh god, oh god—



AAAAAAH!



GET AWAY! It’s coming right for me!!!



Don’t you touch my kid, asshole!



Thanks, Mom.
Don’t thank me yet. Oh, shit! It’s going for the civilians!



NO!



You bastards!



Three more to the west! How many goddamn bugs are there!?



One less over here! One less wall, too.



Oh, shit. There’s the disc. God damn it, I don’t think we can save everyone this time…



…but we’re fucked if we don’t try!



Taking another doubleshot!





Running, running, running!



The zombies are reanimating. Shit. They’re slow but they’ll kill you in one hit, don’t let them get close.



And the far chrysalid just made another one!
I’ll kill them. I’ll kill them all.



The SHIV is auto-targeting anything hostile that gets close. I’ll use it to shield us from the zombies. Stay back!



SHIT! It’s coming in close! I don’t wanna get my face fried off! AAAAH!



FaaaUUUuaaauauH! Why do aliens hate me the most!? *sobbing*



Cam, get out of the way! Eva, rocket NOW!



That got ‘em! Annette, heal Cam before—
I’m fine, I’m regenerating, just kill those last two chrysalids, NOW! Bar-lev, you finish the cyberdisc.



Disc’s down!



I’m finishing off the chrysalid over here in the parking lot. I’ll use the SHIV as zombie-bait.



Thanks, mom! Okay, last chrysalid! I’m emptying my gun!



I wasn’t fast enough, it zombiefied someone. It’ll reanimate in a second and kill the person next to it. Hilda, get that lady out of there!



Psst! Lady! Go that way.
I can’t see where you’re pointing, you’re invisible!
Aaah, shit. There. *stomp* Over THERE. *stomp stomp*



It’s working, they’re going for the SHIV! Ahh, hell, I hope this thing’s tougher than it looks…



They just keep on coming, Jesus!
I will finish them.



You scum. You come here, abduct my whole town, melt all my friends and family before my eyes, kill half my country and now you turn the rest into monsters? DIE.



MIMI!
I got it, I got it!
Shit, that thing almost ate me!



Squint…yes! I can see it! I have this one!



I got it! Any left?



Not anymore. They’re toast.
*huff… huff*
Fffuuck… I have to crack my bones back into place again.



The rest of the French military has concluded their operations. All alien attackers have been repelled. This could, and should, have been much worse. It’s a goddamn miracle we only had four zombies this time.
…



Excellent job, folks. Cam, take a couple days sick leave to fully regenerate.
Shit, I take a plasma cannon to the face and I’m out for half a month, but Cam just needs the weekend off?



Hey. Not bad for a psychic park ranger.
…no. I’m not a park ranger any more. From now on, I only have one job: killing them all.

to be continued