Part 105: Episode CII: Citan Uzuki's Flashback Psychiatry Session

Episode CII: Citan Uzuki's Flashback Psychiatry Session


Last time on Xenogears, our hero committed genocide on the people of Solaris but was stopped from killing anyone we actually give a shit about thanks to the power of looooooove! And lightning. But mostly love. Now it’s time for the aftermath of Solaris getting nuked and Fei being outted as a supervillain.


“I did not want to say anything until I was sure. I was on a secret mission by orders of Emperor Cain to monitor Fei. He ordered me to determine whether Fei would be a threat to the world or not. 'The Contact'... That is what the Emperor calls Fei..."

Flashback to whenever Citan had his last psychic conference with Emperor Cain in his abstract art void...


"Yes, your Majesty. This is the answer that I chose myself."
"Anonelbe... You think you can do it?"
"Yes. Humans have the potential. Managers are no longer needed."
"The contact is not our enemy?"
"Yes, as you say your Majesty, if Fei is..."


“I atone for my crime by doing so..."

Flashback to AFTER the Cain conversation but before everyone got to Shevat...


“The long awaited man of god, who will take the people born in this world with him to a new horizon. Such is the destiny of the 'Contact'. That is what the Emperor called Fei... He did not tell me why he called Fei that though..."
"Who the heck is he then?"
"He is Fei. But he is also the one who...destroyed Elru, caused Kahr serious injury, sank the Yggdrasil, killed Rico's subordinates in Kislev... Need I continue further? He is...... Id."
"What did you say!? Id!?"
"What do you mean?"
”Should I know who the hell that is...?”
“The pilot of the Red Gear.”
“The kid with the eyepatch?”
“No the one that just blew up Solaris.”
“Oh... Was wondering what the hell was up with that.”
“He... Fei, that is, has Disassociative Identity Disorder... Also known more commonly as multiple personalities."
"D... disas...?"
”You just made that shit up!”
"Disassociative Identity Disorder... or multiple personalities. It is a mental disorder where one person has multiple personalities."
"That can't be real..."
*nods* "Oh, but it is very real! Fei is living proof of it. I have been watching over Fei, who has a destroyer personality within him named 'Id'. In the beginning he was stable... His disassociation did not occur at all while he lived in Lahan for those three years. But then, after Lahan was attacked, things changed. Little by little, the number of incidences of his disassociation and their length began to increase. And then at Solaris, a complete manifestation of Id occurred."
"What brought it about? He was fine when he was in Lahan, right?"
"My guess is that... the appearance of Grahf affected Fei somehow. You probably know that Fei worked with Grahf as the assassin 'Id' before he was brought to live in Lahan.”
”Nope. That is news to me...”
“Who the hell is Grahf...?”
“The masked man piloting the black Gear.”
“That fish masked prick from Shevat?”
“No. That is Wiseman. Grahf is the one that looks like Darth Vader with a jester hat.”
“Oh... Ain’t met him then.”
“May I continue?”
“It was then that Elru, the homeland of Dominia, was utterly obliterated. Grahf was intentionally provoking the manifestation of Id 'within'... for want of a better word... Fei."
"For what purpose?"
*adjusts glasses* "To destroy god... That is what Grahf was saying... That is all I know... Although there might be more to it... But one thing is certain... Grahf was encouraging the manifestation of Id, but did not have adequate control over him."
"In other words, it was too much for him to handle?"
"Yes."
"You said, 'That's all you know, although there might be more to it.'... What did you mean by that?"
"I shall go on to explain that now. Actually, that is the most important point."
”Ugh. One of THEM explanations. Hold up. Lemme get another round first...”

Flashback to yesterday before Solaris was a smoldering crater on the ground. Yes, we are now in a flashback within a flashback within a flashback...



Music: The One Who is Torn Apart


“...or was it 'doc'?"
"I have been wanting to meet you, Id. I wanted to talk with you. I guess it is all due to this machine which cuts the nerve connections. Anyway, what is Fei doing as of now?"
"Fei? Which Fei do you mean?"
"There is more than one?"
"..."
"Id?"
"The one you call Fei is asleep."
"Sleeping?"
"When I am awake, he sleeps. That is why he has no memory of what I do."
"Why does he not know?"
"It's obvious. He is my subordinate. He cannot peer into my memories. He should not, in actuality, even exist. That man forcibly created his personality. Fei is a tenant in the room of cowardice..."
"That man?"
"Our father, Khan. He sealed up my personality in the deepest recesses of my consciousness. Through some inexplicable reason, that is when the present Fei was born."
"When you said cowardice, what did you mean?"
”Wuss. Yellow. Pussy. Limp dicked. I’m not sure of the proper medical term.”
"...Why ask about him? You think you can do something?"
"It is rare to be able to talk to a real schizophrenic. As a scholar, I am extremely intrigued."
"With friends like you... eh, doctor? I like you, Citan.”
”Nice choice taking those extra-curricular courses in being a magnificent bastard back in med school. You’ve definitely put ‘em to good use.”
” But, he is insignificant. After all, he is just a failure. A coward like him does not deserve to be 'Fei's existence'. A pathetic one who has always fled from reality. He never did one thing against me when I control him. A coward who refused to live. He should've been erased. But he continues to exist! Why won't he disappear? Dammit... it makes my skin crawl just being in the same body as him."


“I would like to know how and why your personalities were split. Since you are the one in control, I would assume you would know the story. Normally, personalities do not split as they did with you. Unless there was some sort of past trauma."
"You want me to talk about my memories? Don't misunderstand. I haven't given you the right to question me. Just because I'm held down by this machine, don't push your luck. If I really wanted to, I could break the restraints and crush you. Don't you forget it."
"Then why not do it?"
"..."
"Shall I tell you why? You do not have complete control over Fei, do you? Your control of him is incomplete. To break those bonds would require a tremendous amount of mental energy. Having used up your energy, Fei would return again. Basically, you would have to leave the stage. Obviously, the day you would be able to return is indeterminate. Hence, you will not do it. Am I mistaken?"
"So you know me too well. I don't have complete..."
"What is wrong, Id?"
"You forced me on stage. He's waking. Under normal circumstances, I would've been able to hold on. But I can't. This is all that woman's fault. Her existence makes Fei resistant."
"You mean Elly?"
”Ugh. Her. I did not sign up for a crappy made-for-TV teen romance. ‘Oh Fei. I’m sweaty from running. I’m gonna take a shower in front of you. No peeking! Tee-hee.’ God. Just hurry up and bang already!”
“And that bothers you?”
"That woman... the same. Everyone. Must... eliminate..."
"I do not understand. I do not understand, Id."
"You don't need to understand. But when the time comes, just take it as it comes. Reality and death..."



Back in the present...

Music: Tears of the Stars, Hearts of the People


“...his father through some method... And now with the cleared foundation of Id's personality... In computer terms..it is like constructing a mock personality on top of the compatible portion of the OS."
"What the hell is an 'OS'. That analogy doesn't help at all!"
"That is the reason Fei has no memory of his past. Those 10 or so years of memories are under the supervision of Id. As long as Id does not willingly hand over the memories... There is no way for Fei to know since he did not even exist before the time Id was sealed up. The present Fei's personality is an underdeveloped one which was built upon within...the 3 years of living in Lahan, studying and acquiring other people's reactions. Hence, he does not know how to fully cope with sudden or emotional situations.”
”...So lemme get this straight: Fei is nuts?”
“Well, I wouldn’t put it so crudely. But...”
“Elly, you are the one who has spent the most time with Fei so I would assume you would understand this. Were there not times when he would be psychologically unstable? For example, he would be manicly depressive and then have sudden fits of rage..."
”...Not really. “
“But he must have sometimes...”
“I mean. He was kind of moody sometimes. But...that’s pretty much par for the course for RPG protagonists.”
“But he must have sometimes...”
“...You aren’t going to stop asking me until I say ‘yes’, aren’t you?”
“But he must have sometimes...”
*nods* "...Yes..."
"Then his present personality is but only a temporary one?"
"That is not what I am saying. The present Fei is one single personality. It is just that structure-wise, his personality was constructed on top of Id's...hence placing Fei at a lower hierarchy. That is why when Id is active, Fei has no recollection of it."
”That really doesn’t sound anything like how psychology works... When did you become a psychiatrist, again?”
"Quiet, boy. You ain't gotta medical degree."
"Then that means he might eventually be overtaken by Id?"
"Yes, if it were only Id and Fei. But that does not seem to be the case. Id only manifests when Fei's mental energy is in a weakened state. It is a mystery in itself that the lower level personality of Fei...has any control over the upper level personality of Id. It is obvious that there exists a third personality. Id calls this existence the coward. In my observation, this coward may be the fundamental personality of Fei. In other words, Id's manifestation is not controlled by Fei...but is controlled by the personality known as the coward."
"...Then that means, what?"
"At the same time Id resents this coward, he also obviously fears it. From a certain point of view, this coward is the one assisting in keeping the present Fei in control. I do not know the reason why this third personality, excuse me...Fei's fundamental personality does not come out... If this one awakens, it will become one with Id. ...In other words, there is a possibility that the complete original personality...may be restored."
"Is that for sure?"
”Cuz I know damn well you are pulling half of this outta your ass. But you’re usually somehow right...”
"Probably. But I do not know how to awaken it. Before I had the opportunity, Id disappeared and he has been like that since. Basically, as long as nothing happens to Fei that would challenge his existence... Fei can be himself. But his surroundings do not allow him that opportunity. It would be best for him to live in a place that is peaceful..."
”Didn’t the last place he tried that end up exploding...? I think I remember that.”
“...That is the dilemma. Yes.”

Some time later...

Music: Ship of Regret and Sleep


“We must restrain and seal him up otherwise we don't know what may occur!
"Cease this at once! May we at least wait for Wiseman to return before we make any resolutions?"
“Although a tactician, why do you place so much importance on him? I have been silent all this time since Khan's death, since he was directly recruited by the Queen. However, I question why you would use such a person whose principles lack any understanding of sacrifice?
"Well, that is..."
“You must look at reality! The existence of that power!”
"Hold on, hold on. What's this Grahf's second advent?"
“The Day of the Collapse was brought upon by Grahf. Grahf manipulated Diabolos into destroying this world. And that power within Id is far too similar to Grahf's. We cannot allow such a hazard to be set free. We ought to immediately freeze him in carbonite. Otherwise, expect the worst at any moment...”
"No...! But isn't the present Fei the real Fei? If that's the case, then why..."
“But he is still far too dangerous! Think about it. He single-handedly annihilated the Solaris capital! We can't set him free!”
”...But that was...”
”The ‘other’ Fei just blew up your home country. Everyone you ever met your entire life there! Boom. Dead! Is this not getting through to you that having that potentially running around is a WEE bit of a risk...?”
"Not only that. In the past, there were countless other cities that were destroyed by Id. I don't know their intentions, but Grahf and Krelian were always involved somehow. And one of those incidents was Elru. It was Dominia's homeland. Solaris' purging of the rebelling city of Elru was done through the use of Id. To test his capabilities. As a result, not only was Elru taken down, all the Solaris units present were wiped out..."
”Id kicked everyone’s asses so hard that Solaris erased the entire continent from all land dwellers’ consciousnesses so they didn’t have to answer why there was a smoking crater where all the furries used to live...”
"He's responsible for the Ygg's... and our..."
”He DROPPED the Yggdrasil on me! On land. That kinda sucked.”
"So he was the one who killed my subordinates in the sewers..."
”You know if he killed Hammer too I would still have a mother...”
“...”
“Go back to not having any more lines. Thanks.”
“And he can’t remember my name! Billy. BILLY! How hard is that to remember?!”
"What's wrong with you all? Aren't we supposed to be his friends!?"
"It appears everyone else is in agreement... The risks are just too great."
"Citan!? No... That is terrible!"
"..."


Citan explained how in the current situation his role was akin to Lando. He just failed to inform poor Fei that he was the Han Solo of this set-up.

Later that night...

Music: Faraway Promise


"But you're the same Fei I've always known. You returned to your old self. Please don't be obsessed with it."
”Man... Not too keen on getting frozen in carbonite, though... Unless you plan on being in a golden bikini if I ever get unfrozen.”
“...’
"They say I'm the second advent of Grahf. The one who destroyed all of this world... It seems Grahf used to be a land dweller named Lacan..."
”That name sounds familiar...but I can’t place it...”
"They're not thinking about what they're saying! They're just confused by your powers!"
”I did just blow up the biggest city on the planet. I...kinda see where they’re coming from...”


“In a way, I can understand what he means now. Though my Id power isn't good enough, if it has the same quality as Grahf's... I..."
"Let's escape. If Grahf, or the war brings out Id, let's go to a place where no wars exist."
”But war...war never changes... Besides...”
"If you did that, you'd be..."
"That's alright... I don't have a place to go back, either..."
”...Yeah. We’re sort of looping down to the problem with me being a supervillain again...”
*turns away* "Thanks Elly, but no. Even if I left the battlefield, there's no guarantee that Id'll never appear again. Besides... I tried to kill you... You're still okay with that?"
"Then you could've killed me if you really wanted to, right? The other you, Id's power is nothing like that. But you still didn't go through with it. You knew when it was enough. Isn't that because your will was in effect?"
*shrug* “I dunno. Doc tried to explain it to me but...”
“Yeah. I heard that explanation. I nodded off half way through his third flashback framing device...”
*nods* "If you're to be controlled by Id and all those around you became your enemies... I'd still be by your side. ... Because... Because... I know it's lonely to be by yourself."






"Elly..."
”Hey, Elly. Have you ever wandered through the desert wearing a turtleneck?”
“Uhh...whenever we were helping Bart liberate Aveh...?”
“Yeah... That must be it...”

And so Elly unlocks Fei’s cell (let’s not question where she obtained the key) and the two lovers take off into the night. Tune in next time for the exciting conclusion of Disc 1 of Xenogears. 95% less flashbacks. I promise!









"Sorry I didn't tell you all Fei was Id. I was 98.5% sure this was the case. But I do not like to state a claim unless 99% certain. Besides, Emperor Cain asked me to keep an eye on him. Let me elaborate via a layered series of flashbacks."

Flashback!

"So, is that Fei kid cool? Or..."
"I have determined he is not an enemy."
"Hold up... I just got a telegram... It says...what's this say here... Oh... The Contact BLEW UP THE CAPITAL?!?!"
"Do not worry, your majesty. I have it handled."
"...If you say so. This is on you if it goes south."

Flashforward. But still back from the present!

"The Emperor says Fei is the Contact or Anoneble and is important."
"What does that mean?"
"I have no idea. But, Fei is also Id. You all should probably know about that."
"WHAT?!"
"Yes. It is because he has Disassociative Identity Disorder."
"Dis...a...what? You made that up!"
"No. I have a 4 page thesis on why I am correct."
"No, I mean the term is 'Dissociative Identity Disorder'. 'Disassociative' isn't even a real word!"
"It's new. Anyway, Fei is schizophrenic and Id is another evil personality. I talked with him at length. Let me explain via flashback."
"Wait, schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder aren't the same thing..."
"Flashback!"

Flashback to before the previous two flashbacks!

"Hello...Id."
"Hey, dickwad."
"What is your deal? Where is Fei?"
"I'm Fei. If you're talking about that goofy prick that's supposed to be the protagonist, he's asleep and won't remember any of this."
"Why is that?"
"I'm Fei's real personality. The one you know is just some bullshit built on top of me after my father brainwashed me or something. God, what an asshole. Fake Fei hangs out with that Coward pansy."
"And who is this coward?"
"...My name is 'Id'. You figure out the rest of the correlations between Freudian psychology, doc."
"I see. And what is your opinion of your mother?"
"You know I could break down from here and tear off your head and use your neck as a makeshift toilet, right?"
"Ah. But you'd spend all your mental energy and the other Fei would be back."
"Ugh. Alright. I'll give you this one. But now you're on my shit list. Hope I don't come out next time while you're near any battleships."

In the present...

"So that is the gist of it. Fei's memory loss is because Id is the original Fei personality and has greater control than him even though he only seems to come out once per Act. If he were to live in some nice peaceful place that didn't have potential to get blown up, he'd be able to live a normal life. But..."
"Freeze him in carbonite!"
"What? No!"
"He's just like that Grahf jerk that caused the Apocalypse at the end of the war with Solaris. We can't let him run around."
"And he dropped the Yggdrasil on me!"
"And he killed all my henchmen and framed a sewer monster!"
"Well, it's decided. I'll contact Jabba's Palace."
"You guys suck!"

Later...

"So I'm a supervillain, huh? That sucks."
"No. You're still Fei. You just...happen to sometimes turn into a supervillain..."
"Meh. Grahf said I'm supposed to go kill God and I still really don't feel up to that. Maybe I should just let them go all Han Solo on me."
"No. Let's run away together to a place where there's no war or reason for you to turn into a demi-god supervillain!"
"But there's still Grahf...Ramsus...the Elements...those TV guys...and like a half dozen other people trying to kill me or make me fight."
"I'll wear a gold bikini when we find a nice quiet place to settle down together."
"Let's go!"




Id Concept Art – No. They will never explain why Xenogears schizophrenia makes you look like an X-Men villain from the mid-80s.