Part 111: A Swindler Swindled
Chapter 85 – A Swindler Swindled
The Blighted Beaker
Everybody’s a Critic
Dens of Thieves
Bonus: Siding with Willy
Music: Assassins
Video: The Blighted Beaker
(Yara) Back to the asylum…Music: Wild Willows - Experiments
(Troll?) Dear gods, I want some wine! Or beer. Anything! As far as I’m concerned, you’re free to go. But I’m so thirsty! Too thirsty! Here you go, drink up! (Najaad) Oh, I think you, bringer of blessed brew! Aah, yes, that’s the stuff! I am Najaad, proud goblin of the Toad Tail Tribe, but cursed, horribly blighted! And it’s all my fault, too! Why can’t I resist anything shiny? I took a golden cup, then it began… The thirst… I did not stop! I drank and drank, became big… bloated, and eventually… a troll! Before the transformation I was captured by these mad scalpel-wielders to be experimented on. What goes on around here? Why would you be experimented upon? *Hiss* A den of foul necromancers, that is what this filthy place is! They cut and stitch, but they cannot keep them alive. Amateur butchers! They left me alone, praise be. Just studied my affliction. But they would have turned their knives to me… had not the walking dead appeared. The cell door is open. You can leave if you like. But I can’t roam the streets looking like this! I’ll be locked up again in no time. Or worse: killed! All I want to do is return the cup to where I found it so the curse may be undone. Alas, I cannot. But you can! Please, in the name of the totems, help me! I shall return your cursed cup if you tell me where to bring it. I took it from an altar in some cave… hall… I don’t know what it was. Some man I have heard named ‘Gula’ dug for it, close to the city gate. Return it to the altar, please, but first find it hidden here in the asylum somewhere. Doomed may be the days of thse that took it from me! The thirst! See you around. Totems keep you! It’s just as I thought. But I’ve been almost everywhere here… wait, there was one room that was locked. I didn’t go back after finding the key.
“Bartender” complete! Quest Reward: 4873 XP, 600 Gold. Bonus Chosen: 25 Stardust.
The Blighted BeakerWow, how long has it been since we actually got a new quest?
I didn’t want to give the Gula game away early, which is why I saved doing this quest until now. This is the sister quest, we need to locate the cup somewhere in the Asylum and return it to the other altar in the dig site. But we’ve already covered most of the ground, and didn’t see a shiny cup.
Music: Wild Willows – Asylum
Nothing. Damn. … all the necromancers are dead or fled, and there’s no one here who could… wait, there is still someone here.
(Bedlam) (-15000 XP) Up, up goes the wall!
Down, down go the funny pills!
This is a rare case where you MUST do a mind-read to make the switch appear – it’s not there before you mind-read the patient. All the potions in the medicine room can be taken, but they’re really low-level, so they’re not useful to us anymore.
Secret after secret…
Here it is… but I have to know where that teleporter goes.
(Chanelle) Hey! How did you get back there? Magic, baby! Baby? Just get out of there, would you? The chest contains our reward: a skill book!
Those creepy plant-things are moving… makes my skin crawl. … Well, back to the dig site…
I’ll return the cup now. If Gula was any indication, the “troll” should be restored to its original form.
(Najaad) I am a gallant goblin again! Thank you, Dragon, thank you!
(-7500 XP) Well done, you saved a goblin. Since when is cannon fodder treated with such consideration? Well, the door is open and you’re no longer a troll, so… So I am out of this dismal place! May the gods have a kinder fate in store for me! I still don’t have any idea where to find the last two clues. Maybe a walk down Lanilor Lane will clear my head and give me inspiration. “The Blighted Beaker” complete! Quest Reward: 6211 XP, 1300 Gold, Skill Book. Bonus Chosen: 3105 XP, 1300 Gold.Fatality
Increased from Rank 6 to Rank 8
Mana Cost: 34 -> 40
Kills Enemies under: 25% -> 31% Health
(Nerk) Psst! Over here! And be discreet about it…Video: Dens of Thieves: Part 1
‘Lo there! Never seen you around. Can I interest you in some of the goods I have to sell? What’s the deal with that trapdoor over there? Look: I’m here to trade, not to talk, understand? Either you part with money, or we part ways! Let’s have a look. Nothing particularly interesting here, and yet it’s all vastly overpriced. (-15000 XP, -25% discount) Where is that bloody Dormen? I’ve been waiting for the merchandise for a week now! Verdistis is rather far away, but the blasted lazybones should have made it before that wizard fellow put up the shield! I forgot to mention my name is Dormen and I’m here for some … special business. What? You should have said something earlier. I’ve been ripping you off like all the other fatheads in this town! Go on, get down there. Mysus is waiting for you. Larian handled the player-chosen-name protagonist very well, by making them special and widely identifiable with the glowing eyes that you can’t hide. At first, you’re addressed only as Slayer, but that’s because you’re the most junior member of your military organization, and later you become the last Dragon Knight, so that becomes a unique identifier.Sometimes, though it becomes really odd. EVERYONE in Aleroth recognizes Yara as the Dragon Knight who saved the city, regardless of whether they saw her or not (and you don’t need to take your helmet off), but sometimes, bizarrely, you meet someone like this joker, who doesn’t recognize you. And I should note, I’m wearing a complete set of CHAMPION armour.
(Tierol) Am I glad I moved to Aleroth! Only things to steal in High Hall were Beatrice’s panties!
(Drynd) See this hand? Lost two fingers trying to get into Deodatus’ house. The sneaky rotter doesn’t mess around, I can tell you that. Troll tooth traps… who expects that? (Fly) Nicked a magnificent set of jewellery last month. Belonged to Lady Auburn. And now the old girl’s kicked the bucked, killed by some undead. After I went through all that trouble!
(Mysus) Ah, good to see you! You know the trill. Trade and fade before the law can sniff you out! This, I take it, is the black market? Hey, we don’t like that kind of talk around here, get it? I thought you’d know better than that. In every city goods get misplaced and often they end up in poor people’s hands instead of in rich bastard’s cupboards! I am merely a link in the chain that provides this public service. 
(-22500 XP) Deodatus is a fool if he thinks the treasury is safe! No lock so difficult that I can’t break it.
Your Lockpicking skill has increased by 1! What can I do but hail your altruistic nature? You could stop the chatter and trade! On to the trading, then. Without delay!
This is the ultimate two-handed weapon in the game, it’s pretty impressive, with 3 Charm AND 3 Enchantment slots, and you can take another 5 points out of your Life Leech skill and put them elsewhere.Mysus is also worthwhile to mind-read because he grants you a +1 to Lockpick. I like to come here much earlier, but the Black Market was low in the voting. Now with my Lockpick skill maxed at level 7, there is no chest I cannot open.
I also pick this up for the +11 to Melee Damage. The +2 Rush Attack is also nice.
This looks nasty, I think I’ll take it off your hands. Is that all you’re trading? Don’t tell me you came all this way for just that!
I didn’t. Your time is up, Mysus. I have been promised much gold to hunt you down. You loathsome Champion lackey! Let’s show ‘em what we do to rats, men!
Secret Correspondence
Sir Dante of Verdistis was one of the corrupt lords of Verdistis from Divine Divinity. He had ties to the Assassins’ Guild. I only know of one son, who was sick from poison in the poor quarter and his father didn’t care. It seems likely that he had other sons. Beyond Divinity (~20 years later) implies that Sir Dante was killed in the Dark Forest by unknown parties, and since this game takes place 50 years after that, it’s likely that Junior is the great-grandson of the Sir Dante that the Divine met.
(Dormen) This is the corner they described to me, so you must be Nerk, correct? I’ve brought the items, so let’s find a place a little more inconspicuous. (Nerk) Bugger off, ya Champion spy! You, Dormen? She’s standing right behind me, you fool! What? That is a blatant lie! That is not… I am Dormen! What is this masquerade? I - You’ve got as long as it takes for pigeon poo to drop before I slit your lying throat! This is unacceptable! Verdistis will hear of this outrage! You’ll rue the day! You’ll see!Dormen runs off.
What was all that about? Damned Champions! Think they can trick me! But I’m not as gullible as all that. You’re Dormen and that’s that! … Say, what was all that ruckus I heard? You want to alert every bloody Champion in town? I was playing dice, but they accused me of cheating. Ha! That pansy always has been a sore loser. It’s going to get him killed one day! I think I’ll leave this one alone, he’s not important. The Champions can pick him up later. What took Dormen so long? He was in the Phoenix Inn for ages eating. It’s a nice touch that you can see people occasionally move around in the game, either before or after they’re important, they don’t always materialize from the ether and vanish back there just as suddenly.
Oh yeah, Willy asked for my help ages ago, and I did take his money. I know what I have to do now… go see how things are going at the Phoenix Inn.Video: Everybody’s a Critic
(Purvis) Ah, it’s you! Also, perhaps, still in search of all things savoury! Enjoying your meal? Quite on the contrary! Boudain could only prepare this highly suspicious piece of fish. I have seen fossils that look fresher!
(Gula) Wine, company, intelligent conversation: it’s good to be my old self again, Dragon Knight! Now you need but to kill Damian and all will be well!
(Snister) I told ya to leave me alone! Go on then, git! I see you’re enjoying your meal! Don’t mock me, fool! One more word and I’ll treat your face to a plateful of this fish, which is so putrid it would make a faeces-eating troll’s eyes water!
(Anona) It’s the Dragon Knight! A toast to you! How’s the food? Ooh, better than a night of passion with Richard of Aleroth! The Divine must be guiding Bourdain’s knives and ladles and spatulas! Goodbye, Anona! You simply must have some Coq Bourré! I’d sell my soul to Damian to have more!
(Bourdain) Vive le Chevalier Dragon! You were absolutely correct! Anona is the critic and she swore to bear my children in return for my Coq Bourré! All’s well that ends well. She’s more tender than my Filet Mingnon, mon ami! And I believe it is time for your reward! “The Food Critic” complete! Quest Reward: 4785 XP, 600 Gold. Bonus Chosen: 2435 XP. “Everybody’s a Critic” complete! Quest Reward: 6211 XP, 1300 Gold, Skill Book. Bonus Chosen: 3105 XP, 1300 Gold.
I happened to obtain an amphora of High Hall wine…
(Bedwyr) Awful, awful wine that! Truly an insult to the grape! Come, let me take it out of your hands. I’m doing you a service! And just because I’m such a kind character I’ll even give you this limb in return. Don’t know what beast it was cut from, but it could still make for a nice decoration piece, wouldn’t you say? Charming. “Bedwyr” complete! Quest Reward: 4785 XP, 600 Gold. Bonus Chosen: 2435 XP.
Video: Dens of Thieves, Part 2
(Willy) There you are! You’re ready to cleanse my house from its foul Assassin’s Guild presence, right? All right. So this is your place? Yes, yes indeed! Come, let’s throw that rabble out without delay!Music: Assassins
(Brancussi) Willy, Willy, I own your house according to the statutory decrees of this city, as is written in the Grand Charter: chapter 8 on property laws, paragraph forty-one, subsection twelve-B. But… the contract was written on the back of a Madame Eve’s ‘No Clothes Allowed’ soiree invitation and signed with a drawing of a duckie! So, this is his own fault?
The material is inconsequential, and though the substitution of a crude hieroglyph for an autograph might require the attention of jurisprudence, I remind you we shook hands on the matter: an act that is deemed to be binding as is stipulated in appendix five-D to the aforementioned subsection twelve-B. These Assassins are awesome. I… I… don’t recognize the authority of the Assassins’ Guild. That’s right! You are not subject to the laws of Rivellon! And my friend, a Dragon Knight, will certainly agree with me? ‘Friend?’ Yes, I was wondering when this silent bystander was going to join the discussion. Tell me then, in whose favour would you rule? Far be it from me to set aside the legislation of the land. As you make your bed, so you must lie in it, Willy. Outrageous! Swindlers! Thieves! My home, my beautiful home! Bravo, Dragon Knight, bravo! I do not think there is reason for hostility between us for the moment. I do hope you agree. As for you, Willy, you have a half an hour’s head start before I send my best man after you. He has a special set of knives. He loves those knives.
“A Swindler Swindled” complete! Quest Reward: 4873 XP, 600 Gold. Bonus Chosen: 2435 XP.
(Galiano) You have been in Broken Valley recently, have you not? That’s right. Our best assassin Antumbra went there, but I haven’t seen her since. Uhhh… Damian’s attack caught everyone by surprise, she might have been killed then.
(Rosetta) Soon he will be here: the Damned One himself! I can’t wait for his commanders to hire us to kill one another. The jewels from Yithul Gor will be mine! Getting to the commanders will be tricky, unless you have wings.
(Cavali) With your powers and abilities I would be the greatest assassin that ever lived. Maybe I should try to slip into the Maxos Temple and run the trials. Both entrances to the temple are under a sea of poisonous gas. How long can you hold your breath?
(Brancussi) You show a degree of wisdom many lack, Dragon Knight. Most of the dull brains in this town would never consort with us assassins. I just can’t stand Willy. Don’t think we are friends for life now. Not that I would have minded a Draconic blood sister. I can imagine what power such a bond would bring me. You also can’t imagine the trouble, such as the entire Black Ring and Dragon Slayers out for your head. Nonetheless your choice was the better one, for I reward those who aid me well. One… acquires many riches in my line of work and for the right price I will be happy to part with them. Just say the word and with covetous eyes we shall compare inventories. I realize you and the Champions may be sworn enemies, but wouldn’t it be in your interest to defend the city? I don’t believe so, no. Damian will conquer and he will be just another ruler whom we can profit by. Either we join his ranks and reap the benefits of conquest or we keep moving in the shadows and take them from him. The Champions’ time has come, but we will remain active either on the very scene or behind the stage. (-15000 XP, -25% Discount.) These goods are getting harder and harder to peddle. I should just sell them cheap to my Dragon friend and be done with it. Let us trade. By my word, let’s! 
Brancussi has the ranger set item Shadow Archer Cuirass. Get it from him through peaceful trading, or from killing him and taking it from the loot bag, if you side with Willy.
The Blighted Beaker
Everybody’s a Critic
Dens of Thieves
Bonus: Siding with Willy
Music: Assassins
Press this button and the house fills with flames. The back room unlocks, and you can turn off the fire trap with a lever there. You can press the button after siding with the assassins, but that kills Brancussi, potentially losing you the Shadow Archer Cuirass. (I did that the first time by going “what does this button do?
”
Willy’s house has little tiny models of houses in it, a nice touch. The back room – locked unless you press the secret alarm button – has this book in it:
How to Pull a Willy (and get away with it)
Order of the Viper Set Bonuses
Order of the Viper Helmet: +30 Ranged Armour Rating
Order of the Viper Cuirass: +20 Vitality
Order of the Viper Bracers: +20 Strength
Order of the Viper Leggings: +30 Heightened Reflexes
Order of the Viper Belt: +30 Magic Armour Rating
So, can you tell me who the food critic is? Good news. I think the food critic is Purvis. I hope you are right! Mon dieu, my career depends on it! Come back later, mon ami, for I will be cooking for a while, and I will let you know how things turned out.I cleared the Great Market dungeon. I might have just been able to leave and come back in.
(Purvis) Ah, it’s you! Also, perhaps still in search of all things savoury! Enjoying your meal? I am speechless! Such flavour, such texture… delectable divinity…Or…
Good news. The food critic? Snister would be my educated guess.
(Snister) Oh, but for a bite of this Coq Bourré and Damian would forget his zeal for war. I see you’re enjoying your meal! I am that! All my anger has melted away, like this exquisite Gorgombert. An artist, is Bourdain!Either one you choose…
(Anona) It’s the Dragon Knight! A toast to you! How’s the food? Have you smelled what that charlatan passes for fish? Reeks like a public urinal after an army of diseased vagabonds passed through! Goodbye, Anona! Good gods, what a vile meal this is! I’m going to give that amateur in the kitchen a piece of my mind!
(Bourdain) Sacrebleu! What have you done? It was Anona who was the critic and I served her last week’s fish on a bed of sour sprouts! I am ruined! Sorry about that. Apology not accepted! My career is over, my life more rotten than Gina’s halibut! Leave me to my misery! So I had better not have the salmon then? The gall you have! Get out of my kitchen before I invent a Dragon Knight salami!Bonus Video: Siding with Willy
Yes, I was wondering when this silent bystander was going to join the discussion. Tell me then, in whose favour would you rule? I don’t care if you have every law of gods and men behind you, you are Assassin’s Guild and I shall never side with you. Then according to the first axiom in Penumbra’s Book of Assassins Tenets – ‘Go Ye Forth and Kill’ – I hereby forfeit your claim in that elusive state referred to as ‘life’!
The device has been activated, Dragon Knight! Quickly now! This place will be in flames in a matter of moments! I don’t recall you mentioning “trapped in a burning house!”
Now you have to fight the assassins while the house burns down. It’s not terribly difficult, even on Nightmare, though. Brancussi drops a bunch of loot, including the Shadow Archer Cuirass.
Hahaha! You certainly showed them who’s boss! You and Willy, what a team! Regretabbly I have grown quite tired of this city and I’m going to try my fortune elsewhere. (-7500 XP) You can see his next move coming a mile away! Luckily that leaves my house on the market and wouldn’t you know it, it would be just ideal for you! And for but a handful of gold pieces. What do you say? Start running. I’m not kidding. Start running. What? You are kidding, right? No! I’m going, I’m going! Sure you won’t reconsider? No? Er… bye!Are you a moron? Do you have no sense of pattern recognition? Did you forget about your Battle Tower? If so, this looks like a lovely place. Convenient location, already furnished…
Why not? Looks like a cosy enough place. (Pay 10543 Gold.) Great! Here’s the key and I’ll take all of that shiny goodness from you. Thanks and goodbye!But when you leave…
"House for sale. Ask Willy?" Wait... This key doesn’t fit the lock.