Part 52: Chapter 12 - 04

I'll be honest. This "vote" was a trick. I was just polling to see what your choice was, because I was curious. But even if 100% had voted nice, I still would have chosen Snarky? Why? There is a good reward for being Snarky, and a terrible, useless reward for being Nice.

If you're Nice, you get the third-best instrument in the game, the Harp of Ages. But we already have the second-best instrument, from Dun Ailinne. So the instrument we get is converted immediately into silver - all we get is about 625 silver, and at this point, silver is absolutely useless. Even if you didn't get the secret Dun Ailinne instrument, the Harp of Ages only lasts for three levels, and then you get another new instrument. Useless.

But if you're Snarky... ahh... that's another matter...

Chapter 12-04

The Chosen One - Snarky


The Chosen One - Nice







: Well, you may be A Chosen One, but you're not THE Chosen One.
Chosen One: What do you mean by that? They've all told me I'm the one!



: So someone tells you you're the Chosen One and you just believe them? Hah! You haven't noticed all the other Chosen Ones running about by any chance? The dead ones?



Chosen One: Yeah that means that THEY weren't the Chosen One. I am the Chosen One and I'll prove it right now.



: I'd really like to see that.
: So with the Bard's helpful encouragement, the young lad ran out the narrow path to the chest.








The Chosen One opened the chest, reached inside and grabbed the contents.



Then the heat caused him to spontaneously combust.









: Bad choice Chosen One... for you at least. But thanks for retrieving whatever was in that chest.



The Bard retrieved the object clutched I the deceased Chosen One's hand. It was a new tune.





The Bard turned around and felt a familiar sensation of paralysis.



It's Bad Luck to be You - Lava Life Snarky


It's Bad Luck to be You - Lava Life Nice


Oh, it's bad luck to be you.
A chosen one of many isn't new
When you think you're full of luck
in the bullock's you'll get struck
Oh, it's bad luck to be you.

You came upon a lad with confidence.
The contemplating moments growing tense.
He tried to clarify
His unthinking reasons why
But in the end his logic made no sense.

Oh, it's bad luck to be you.
The prophecy is never coming true
In a pickle you'll be stuck
Like a chicken you'll cluck
Oh, it's bad luck to be you.



He really felt that he was unique
Treasures and adventures he did seek.
he strived to prove you wrong
and so we sing the song.
His future plans are looking very bleak.



Oh, it's bad luck to be you.
Don't think for just a second it's not true
When your life has run amuck
You'll see that you're the schmuck.
Oh, it's bad luck to be
Really bad luck to be
Nobody could disagree.
It's a freaking guarantee.
Oh, it's bad luck to be you.
Diddly doo.


The Trow scurried out of the Room, and the Bard roared, and chased after them.

But all he found outside were Finfolk and Rockmen.






Once they were disposed of, the Bard came to another raft.



The Bard pondered it for a while. What grand philosophical insights would the Bard have to offer such a sight? He opened his mouth...

"Bleep," the Bard said, "bleep bleep BLEEP bleep bleep bleep."

Yes, a saying that will go down in history, I'm sure.

The Bard pushed off, into the Narrow Sea.



It wasn't long for the Finfolk to arrive.







Suddenly, the raft stopped moving, as if it had hit a reef.
There was an ominous, muffled growl, coming from underneath the water.

: Oh, this is just wonderful.

Four sinuous tentacles wrapped around the corners of the raft, and something rose out of the water.





The sea monster was just out of melee range, so the Bard hacked at the tentacles.



The monster growled and released the tentacle, but when the Bard tried to move on to the next, the monster re-wrapped the tentacle.

"Blow this for a lark," the Bard muttered, and brought out the Butcher's bow.





After eating several exploding arrows, the sea monster retreated, but the Bard had no time for a break, as the Finfolk had returned.



There were too many for the bow, so the Bard drew the Ego Sword.

Ego Sword: Need me again? I thought so.









Level 20
Dexterity increased from 14 to 16

But eventually, the relative peace and quiet of constant attacks by Finfolk ended, and the sea monster returned.







The fighting alternated between finfolk and sea monster for some time.

Really, it went on too fucking long. I only showed up to halfway through the level, and I decided to skip to the end.

Eventually, the raft drifted towards a dock.

The Bard's Thoughts




: So once again, having left a wake of death and destruction behind him, the Bard continued onward towards the island tower in search of the fair maiden Caleigh. You may ask yourself, was his mind weighed down with the burden of saving the world?



: The lives he had taken? Friends he had lost? Or was he just wondering what the princess looked like naked? I'm sure that answer is painfully obvious.





The Bard opened the treasure chests with little enthusiasm and headed towards the door leaing out. There was daylight shining out.





Exhausted, the Bard pushed the door open, saw nothing hostile, collapsed on the docks and fell fast asleep in the morning sun.

All Movies:

The Chosen One - Snarky


It's Bad Luck to be You - Lava Life Snarky


The Chosen One - Nice


It's Bad Luck to be You - Lava Life Nice


The Bard's Thoughts