The Let's Play Archive

Advance Wars 2

by cosmicPostman

Part 86: Interview 43 [Part 2] - “The Final Blow” (Or, “Incredibly Stressful Planes”)

Interview 43 [Part 2] - “The Final Blow” (Or, “Incredibly Stressful Planes”)

Anyway, Hawke's vast collection of nonsense, including three Neotanks, slowly advances, but up north they can't get past the bomber, and down south, they can't get past Edgar, so...

So that was pretty pointless. Well done, Hawke, you moron.

Hawke is going to get a thorough dressing-down from Sturm after this poor showing, that's for sure.

Phew. That's the most relieving thing I've seen all day. Good job, you guys. You did great out there.

There's just enough time left in the map for one more silo in Hawke's face, so Amarah sets it off...

And manages to hit every single Neotank with her excellent aim.


Freshly refuelled, Petra/Howard waste no time in crushing the opposition, such as this battle copter.

Pfft. Edgar just continues his staring contest with this enemy Neotank.

The Neotanks also made the mistake of being in range of Orange Star's ranged division. Carter goes first and targets this Neotank.

And Ingo goes for the other one, nice. They're Neotanks, they deserve to be bullied.

Again, though, not much else to do. Back to the actually relevant army.

Dymek Shooting Stuff, let's see it!

And he lands the first hit like a champ! Fuck that section of pipe in particular!

Victory is tantalisingly close now. The armies just have to not do anything stupid.

That is a tall fucking order for Dipshit.

Oh my god look at how much bullshit Hawke has. When would you ever need this many units? It's unnecessary!

Hawke could have broken through Orange Star's line with half this number of troops if he'd, you know, done it sensibly. But no.

Petra/Howard are just going after another copter, huh?

They've also rather boldly entered into missile range. They must be very confident in Yellow Comet's abilities.

There's nothing in range for Edgar to attack, but he moves out of the way to let Orange Star have a crack at the tanks.

Lucy begins the proceedings with an artillery shot. And here... we... go!

Fliss and Carl finally destroy that bomber. Sitting and staring at that thing for so many turns without being able to kill it must have been quite challenging.

Carter's going for a rockets vs rockets mirror match, I see. But his rockets are the best.

Despite what the forecast might tell you, Ingo manages to get enough damage to take out this Neotank. And that leaves the tank behind it wide open...

So Selena pushes through the northern chokepoint...

And Tina destroys the southern chokepoint. A rather brazen counterattack, I think you'll agree.

Oh, hell yeah! That was pretty exhilarating after having to watch Dipshit play defensively for like half the map.

So... it's time.

"Listen well, Hawke! You may not know my name, but after today, it will be burned into your memory!" shouts Vanessa as the wind rushes around her. In the distance, she can see Dymek preparing to fire on the factory pipe, and grins. "The fury of Yellow Comet runs deep in my veins, and it is that fury that will be unleashed in full force in just a few moments! I am Vanessa Kita Farid, tactical equal of Sonja and Rose, and I was chosen to lead this mission because there was absolutely no chance of me losing against you. You have fought well, but you made a grave mistake: the moment that you attacked our allies, Green Earth, you became an enemy of Yellow Comet. We defeated Adder in a battle similar to this... what made you think your battle was going to end any differently? Allow me to show you the consequences of your arrogance!"

She clicks her fingers, and Dymek nods, preparing to fire.

"This is for all our allies in Green Earth! You've kept them under your thumb for long enough!"

"This is for Roland!" roars Edgar, showing surprising amounts of emotion for once. "The Old Guard of Green Earth do not forget the faces of our enemies. Today is the day that you are cast out of our country for good!"

"Nobody's going to give up! Nobody's going to back down! Because we're soldiers of Green Earth, and the Goddess of the Forest of Light is watching over us!" shouts Petra.

"Damn straight!" Dave says. "We've been fightin' our way across the world, and you're just like all the other Black Hole COs. Spineless cowards who can't win in a fair fight."

"Let's not waste any more time then!" Tina yells. "FIRE!"

Dymek opens fire, and the seam is no more. The battle is won, and Green Earth is free.

Nice! Every country's been freed!

To quote you from earlier, Hawke, "This is the end."

BH Soldier: Commander? What are your orders, sir?

Do as you please.

BH Soldier: Um…and you, Commander? You’re not planning on going down with the…er…factory?

That doesn’t seem like Hawke’s style.

Fool! This place may be important, but I’ve no desire to die with it. Now go! If you want to save your skin, you must do it yourself!

Well, that’s inspiring.

BH Soldier: Yes, sir. Farewell, sir.

Hah… This is one situation I never expected myself to be in. I survive, though. And where there’s life, there is opportunity.

And the enemy CO?

GE Soldier: Missing in action, sir. He disappeared at the time the factory was secured.

Really… Nice work, soldier.

GE Soldier: Thank you, ma’am!

The Green Earth soldiers seem to be the closest to the COs, from what I can tell.

It’s over at last.

Mm. Peace will now return to Green Earth.

Whew… That’s nice.

Huh? That was unexpected.

Hm? What was?

Yeah, what he said. Does she mean peace returning?

“Nice”? I thought you'd be more…excited.

Oh, I’m thrilled. I just want to take a nap is all.

That’s a mood.

A nap would be nice…

Yaaaaawn! I’m bushed!

Hm hm hmm…

Ha ha haa…

Congratulations on your victory. As your ally, we are very happy.

We couldn’t have done it without your assistance. On behalf of the people of Green Earth, I thank you.

I dunno. Dipshit’s not that good.

He was pretty crucial to that map, my dude.

Hearing that makes the journey worthwhile.

Yes, it does. Now, Commander Eagle, I think you grasp the situation, but…

Yes. The war is not yet finished.

Oh boy. There’s still Sturm left.

Correct. You know where that pipe leads… Until we’ve defeated Black Hole on their own turf, the war will never truly be finished.

It sounds like things are just going to continue getting tougher.

It’s not like the combat we’ve seen up to now has been child’s play.

I dunno, Eagle, did you see Two-Week Test?

No matter who the foe may be, we won’t lose.

Pfft. That's a pretty lopsided score.

Indeed. But the map is done, and that's the important thing.

Yeah, they actually pulled it off.


“Hell.” I say. Ruin looks at me with little surprise.

“Go on.”

“Well, the major thing I was having trouble with was motive. The my dudes are pretty much identical, save for some differences in where we come from. And not many of us are morally capable of committing actual murder.” I answer, gathering my thoughts as they swirl around in my head, connecting in strange ways. “And in particular, who’d want to kill Hell? The guy was new to Dudecon, none of us even knew him long enough to want to kill him.”

“Makes sense.” Ruin says, nodding. She’s tossing her deck of cards back and forth as usual, watching me idly as I explain my theory.

“But Hell… Hell definitely had a motive. He’d already made no bones about the fact that he hated Twee. Then I was reading your notes, and it started to come together. That quick trip home… that was to pick up something he could put in a drink. He had a bottle of special brew in the fridge, but he was on record as not liking the stuff, so what would he need special brew for? And he was the one who left with Twee… he must’ve spiked Twee’s drink with the poison.”

“I see. I’d agree.” Ruin replies, and my eyes widen.

“I’m right?”

“Well, we’re about to find out. There’s a little more to his motive than just that. Come; let us go.”

She extends her hand, and I take it. I’ve not seen the outside of the interview room in… well, a while. It doesn’t take long for us to hop through dimensions, soon arriving at a surprising location. I was expecting the Netherworld, where Hell’s from, but instead we’re on the shores of a beautiful island paradise, with funny little animals wandering around, catching bugs and the like.

It looks like Twee’s island home.

“This is Twee’s universe, not Hell’s.” I say, turning to Ruin, but she’s already marching off. There’s a house in the distance - she seems to be moving swiftly towards it, so I shrug and follow.
Ruin knocks on the door and waits for a few moments. Eventually, a cheerful-looking figure with brown hair and rather ordinary-looking features - obviously a my dude - answers, and looks at us with some confusion.

“Can I help you? Oh, Commander, is that you?”

“It is.” I say. “And this is-”

“Detective Inspector Ruin, Omniversal Police, Constancy Division.” Ruin says. “May we come in?”

The my dude doesn’t bat an eye, but opens his door more widely. “Sure.”

“We won’t be staying long.” Ruin says as she takes a seat on the chair nearby. I lurk awkwardly in the corner, wondering what we’re doing here. If Twee’s the victim, as I theorised, then what’s he doing standing right there?

Unless that’s-

I gasp.


“Indeed.” Ruin says. “You’re the my dude from the Disgaea universe, identifying name: Hell, aren’t you?”

For a moment, Hell is quiet, but then he chuckles and shrugs. “I guess the jig is up. Yeah, you got me.”

“But why are you here?” I ask. Ruin looks at him.

“I already know, but feel free to explain.” she says.

Hell nods.

“Yeah, guess I may as well. You see, I grew up in a world that hated you. People dying left and right, huge monsters and tiny children alike, all brought to the Netherworld to fight for the demon lords who control everything. You fight, and you fight, and you get reincarnated, and it… never ends.” Hell murmurs. “When I got that invite to Dudecon, I suddenly realised… there were others. There were more my dudes, and they understood. Commander, a tactician amidst a world of constant warfare. Dragonborn, an adventurer forced to fight for his life against megalithic dragons. Luminary, a chosen one with the entire world sitting on his shoulders. Everyone had come from a world where responsibility and suffering defined almost everything. But at Dudecon, we all had each other.”

“We did. Our one night off a year.” I say. That’s what we usually called it.

“I was so overjoyed to be able to forget my worries. And then he showed up. Twee. Spiking drinks, causing chaos, and ruining everything… because he’s got the paradisal life that we all want, and is bored with it? It disgusted me.” Hell said. He shook his head and looked up at us. “Don’t mistake what I’m saying here. I didn’t want to kill Twee because of that. I wanted to shake him up a bit - spike his drink, make him a little sick, get my own back. But then… I realised that Dudecon was a golden opportunity.”

Ruin nodded. I still hadn’t quite understood, and I stared into Hell’s eyes, trying to see myself reflected in them. But I couldn’t.

“We all look alike, though a couple of us differ here and there. So I thought… if Twee disappeared for good, what was to stop me hopping into his world when Dudecon ended?”

“You…” I breathed. The penny had finally dropped.

“I didn’t want to kill Twee.” Hell breathes. “I wanted to replace him.”

“I told you at the very beginning.” Ruin says to me. “The poison mutilated the body so badly that we couldn’t identify it. We assumed the victim was Hell because he was the only one missing - but he was only missing because he had assumed Twee’s identity.”

“And am I not allowed?!” says Hell fiercely, eyes blazing. “Twee just won the lottery of being a my dude, apparently! He didn’t deserve any of this. But me? I planned that whole night to a ‘t’, and executed it perfectly. I earned this paradise!”

Ruin stands up, facing down Hell, and the intensity of her stare, cold and empty, causes Hell to quail.

“You did earn this, you’re right. But it wasn’t yours to earn. This is not your home, and it will never be. You are inextricably bound to the Disgaea universe, and it where you belong. We are not always as fortunate as others, but those of us who are less fortunate are at least not callow enough to consider murdering our way to the top.”

“Maybe so.” Hell replies, smiling softly at the ground. “Maybe so. But… the last six months? They’ve been the best of my life.”

His smile is so genuine, that for a moment, I almost feel for the guy. I shake off the feeling, and watch as Ruin walks towards him. He gladly lifts his hands, and Ruin prepares the handcuffs.

“My dude, identifying name: Hell, I’m placing you under arrest for the murder and identity theft of my dude, identifying name: Twee. These cuffs will take you to the lightest holding cells. You have the right to remain silent. You do not have the right to return to your home universe. Anything you say, and anything you may or will do in the future as a result of time travel, will be held against you in a court of law.”

With that, she taps the cuffs, and Hell vanishes. I glance over at Ruin.

“It’s over. But… is he only going to the lightest holding cells? He murdered someone, you know.”

“My dude.” Ruin says, looking at me and raising an eyebrow. “Remember, we’re the Omniversal Police. We arrest invincible demons, literal gods, and the swirling manifestation of destruction itself. They’re the sort of things that get taken to the heavy holding cells.”

“How the hell do you arrest the swirling manifestation of destruction itself?” I ask as we exit the house, preparing to leave the island.

Ruin grins at me. “With very big handcuffs.”

The laughter is infectious, and we both begin to chuckle. I’m suddenly very aware of what we just did, and I turn to Ruin, the excitement printed on my face.


Part 43 Additional

[Those of you who were interested in my TTRPG, I will probably post the ruleset online at some point, once I'm confident that it's accessible to people and easy to play. I'll let you know when and how I'll do that, I might make a Discord for it so people can test it out and provide feedback.]