And with your videos you won't even have to worry about audio desync!
I'm going to try that. And now... I call this the make or break point. If you didn't like Amazon before, this folks, is the update that may change your mind.
Jason prepares to leave for Rio Blanco unaware that somewhere in South America, Colonel Sanchez and his men are laying plans to recover the documents Allen has requested. Even now a trap is being put in place for Jason...
I'll spare you - the plane leave Los Angeles and slowly scrolls right as the new locations are displayed. Mexico City! Guatemala City! San Salvador! Managua! Bogota! Lima! And finally the destination, Cuzco.
It's probably trying to do an Indiana Jones thing, or Jason had a flight with like 100 layovers. That or maybe some asshole pilot wouldn't shut up about what cities they were going over. Dickhead, it's like four hours to New Orleans and I'm trying to sleep!
The Cuzco airfield was once the country's military headquarters, but that was 17 revolutions ago. Bow it is so old and dilapidated it makes some ancient Inca cities look new. Old U.S. military quonset huts serve as hangers [sic] and the wooden tower could have used paint 30 years ago. A crumbling stucco-over-brick two story building serves as the terminal.
Thanks for leading me to this shithole, Allen.
Wait, this isn't so bad! Welcome to one of four rooms in this update and also the point the game starts to really fuck you over. There's three items we need onscreen. If you forget to take them, the game is not winnable. The items are...
1. There's an obvious gerrycan on the left. It surprisingly contains not gasoline, but lime-encrusted water. Yeah, really.
2. "Take" the bicycle to get a bicycle pump. I don't know where the pump is, because it's certainly not in the picture.
3. Open the truck door and take the white pixel that falls out. That's cigarettes.
Again, if you miss any of these items, the game gives you no indication that you forgot them. Enter the terminal for the character that helped convince me to do this LP.
Meet the ticket agent. Watch the video at the end of this to understand why I love him. Warning. Diabetus found his voice grating.
First of all, that sleeping guy can't be fucked with. Examining him yields:
Alberto Florez, a weary cloth merchant, is halfway through his 18 hour layover.
Salesman's samples of the new wonder cloth of the 50's, rayon.
But if you try to take his stuff:
Whoa! Sorry, game! I guess that poor sap's gas can and smokes were up for grabs cause he's not a man of the world like Alberto.
Very strangely, the game names almost every bit character even if - like Alberto - you only see him once. However, there's talking characters who don't get names.
Like our friend the ticket agent.
Here's the fast way through the ticket agent scene, including all his dialog.
Jason: I need to get to Rio Blanco immediately ...
Ticket Agent: Rio Blanco .. Senor! No one in hees [sic, I swear to God they spell it like that] right mind goes to the Rio Blanco! There are no scheduled flights!
Jason: But I have urgent businesss! It's a matter of life or death!
Ticket Agent: Senor, there are no fights near Rio Blanco. The closet airport is 700 miles away.
Jason: Is there any other way I can get there?
Ticket Agent: Sure.. Sure.. perhaps you can find someone who can take you by boat or by pack mule. If you can wait three weeks, I know a guide who can take you...
Jason: That won't work.
Crap. Let's try again, with a different approach.
Ticket Agent: Hmmm?
Jason: This is quite a garden spot ... Where can I find the President of your Chamber of Commerce?
Ticket Agent: Perhaps you would be interested in visiting the Green Monkey where many of our celebrity pilots enjoy an excellent evening of fine dining.
Jason: Why do they call it the Green Monkey?
Ticket Agent: Check out the daily enchilada special. The monkey won't be the only one green. Heh heh.
The dialog gets us nowhere. We gotta use cash. We can't use it like an item on him to give it to him - we have to engage conversation and use the "Offer" option. This leads to my favorite part of the game.
But try to talk to him again and:
Ticket Agent: Get lost, Gringo Scum!
What'd we do? My Spanish isn't good or, well, existent, but I'm pretty sure he called us "man scum."
Anyway, manipulate the door to go to the Green Monkey.
Aha! Pilots! Maybe one of them could help. Let's examine them.
Bruce Ward, pilot extraordinaire and obviously a very good friend of Jack Daniel's.
Harold Esselte and Turbo Collins, pilot and copilot for Southstar Airlines, prepare for a flight.
They gave these guys names? But not the ticket agent? Well, okay. There's no response with drunky and the other two tell you to buzz off, so let's talk to the bartender with the long scar.
That a scar or JPEG compression?
Jason: Perhaps a glass of lemonade... [oh Jason, come on]
Bartender: We don't serve your kind!
Jason: I need to get to Rio Blanco.
Bartender: Do I look like a ticket agent?
Oh fuck it. Let's just give him the card.
Bartender: Talk to those pilots. They may know how to get to Rio Blanco.
So, we do. Turbo Collins and Harold Esselte - who don't have speaking parts, but do have names - help us out.
We cannot fly you to Rio Blanco, but there may be someone else who will.
Now, who the hell is this?
The pilot, in a Hawaiian shirt and cheap sunglasses, looks like the type of guy whose always landing at makeshift runways in the middle of the night. He introduces himself as Tony Martin, and ex-Cadillac salesman from Houston. [What?!] He tells Jason that since he already has cargo for Rio Blanco, he will only charge one hundred and fifty bucks for the trip. With some reservation, Jason hops in the back of the cargo plane. After a bumpy takeoff, the plane is airborne. Jason finds himself a comfortable place to lie down and take a nap. When he wakes, it is several hours later....
And we're on our way to Rio Blanco. Only one catch. Take that parachute and a few seconds later...
Suddenly, the cockpit door flies open and Martin takes a step into the cargo hold and raises a .45 automatic pistol. It is as this point Jason realizes he can kiss the free soft drinks and peanuts good-bye....
At least he'll die having thought of a zinger to himself.
End of Episode 4