Part 73: The CAT in the Cat

you ever look back at something you just said and think "hang on a sec"




This "Avalon Code"
It was too dull to play.
So we sat in the house
All that miserable day.



I sat there with Rempo
We sat there, we two
And I said, "How I wish
We had something to do!"



The ridiculous rules
Made us loath to play ball.
And a regular fight
Was no challenge at all.
The plot was a mess
And the words poorly writ
And we did not like it.
Not one little bit.

And then
Something went BUMP!
How that bump made us jump!



We looked!
Then we saw him appear just like that!
We looked! And we saw him!
The CAT in the cat!
And he said to us,
"Why do you sit there like that?"



"I know some good games we could play,"
Said the CAT.
"I know some new tricks,"
Said the CAT in the cat.
"A lot of good tricks.
I will show them to you.
Your mother
Will not mind at all if I do."

Then Rempo and I
Did not know what to say.
My mother was



Let's just move on.



But our FISH said, "No! No!
Make that CAT go away!
Tell that CAT in the cat
You do not want to play.
He should not be here.
He should not be about.
He should not be here
'Til that WUND code is out!"



"Now now! Have no fear.
Have no fear!" said the CAT.
"You have infinite time
To repair this poor cat.
Why, we can have
Lots of good fun, if you wish,
With a game that I call
Up up up with a FISH!"



"Put me down!" said the FISH.
"This is no fun at all!
Put me down!" said the FISH.
"I do not wish to fall!"



"Have no fear!" said the CAT.
"We will not let you fall.
We will hold you up high
As we stand on a wall.
With a book in one hand!
And a flowery hat!
But that is not all we can do!"
Said the CAT...



"Look at us!
Look at us now!" said the CAT.
"With a bug and a snake
On the top of our hat!



We can make a gold sword!
We can fill it with fish!



We can make silver bread!
And a cake on a dish!



And look!
We can hop up and down on the wall!
But that is not all!
Oh, no.
That is not all...



"Look at us!
Look at us!
Look at us now!
It is fun to have fun
But you have to know how.



We can tear out the hope
From a friend in ill-health!



We can find a poor boy
And imbue him with wealth!



We can give rotten meat
To a racist young elf!



We can poison her father
The mayor himself!



We can visit the king
With cat ears and a tail!"
But soon, we would find
It was to no avail.



A sword made of fish
And a peasant with wealth
And a girl without hope
And an unhappy elf
We grumbled and said
That it ruined our fun
When not one of these things
Had an outcome, not one!



And our FISH grumbled, too.
Being placed in the sword,
He said, "Do I like this?
Oh, no! I am bored.
This is not a good game,"
Said our FISH as he lit.
"No, I do not like it.
Not one little bit!"

"Just look at this game!"
Said the FISH to the CAT.
"And look at this book!
Look at this! Look at that!
The dungeons are tiring
The interface clunky
That judgment link thing
Was designed by a monkey!
You should not have done
What you did with the plot!
And why can't our bed
Do the same as a pot?"



"Oh dear!" said the CAT.
"You did not like our game...
Oh dear. What a shame!
What a shame! What a shame!"



Then I took off my ears
And I set down the book
And the CAT went away
With a sad kind of look.



"That is good," said the FISH.
"He has gone away. Yes.
But the gamers will come.
They will see this big mess!
And this mess is so big
And so deep and so tall,
We can not clean it up.
There is no way at all!"

And I said to the FISH,
"We can not compensate
For atrocious design.
It's entirely too late."

"We can not fix the dungeons
Or combat, it's true.
But I think there's one thing
Just one thing we can do."

"Hold on," said the FISH.
"Are you trying to say..."
"Indeed," I replied.



"We can make a Let's Play."