Part 54: INTERVIEW: Luxuria
Everything will be fair after we're done. Please answer the questions given to you.
What if I don't want to?
Then you won't see anything cute ever again. You've been briefed about your situation already.
I guess that's okay for now...
What is your name and occupation?
That counts, right?
Yes. What is your birthday?
The fifteenth of September.
And what is your favorite color?
I don't have one! Anything bright and saturated to the maximum.
Alright. Now, we have eight in-depth questions to ask you. Please answer concisely, and try not to steer off-topic too much.
The sooner you ask me, the sooner I can go back, right?
Something like that. The first question is... wait, that's not a question. They only say knock, knock! and nothing else.
Because it's like, a joke, right? I guess I ruined it now, but it's not like I can ask and then you answer. If they're questions meant for me, I'm the one supposed to answer, no?
Indeed. I didn't ask the question either, so I can't follow up anyway.
Weeeell, maybe they talked about... something else related to knocking. I don't think I'm allowed to talk about that, though. Seems a bit too... risky.
Let's not stray. Second question, indeed.
Oops! Okay, what is it?
Do the hobbies you like include video games?
Ponies, rainbows, leprechauns, elves, and fairies... And the Eiffel Tower, too. It doesn't matter to me what form they have. As long as they're cute, they're my hobby. If video games have cute things, then those check out too. I don't really normally play them, though. I have so much to do otherwise. And by the way, this snake helmet is not cute. Can we take it off?
Maybe later. Remember not to diverge from the topic of the question.
Even though you lay it on really thick with your cute obsession, let's go with this one... What is the cutest thing you own?
Hmm... It's hard to tell. This hoodie is pretty cute. It has a J/K on it, like it's saying it's a joke! I also own my hair, and my hair is pretty cute. I'd totally kidnap myself and do all sorts of things with me.
Keep to the topic.
I also have this pencil... It's black and white, but it has yellow, neon cyan, and neon pink at the top, forming a small halo of multicolored stars. It's really cute.
And if you could only have one thing in the world, what would it be?
I know you're a terrible narcissist, but let's avoid the implications of your answers when you mention yourself.
Okaaay. If I can't have me, then... A cloning machine!
I just said...
But see, that's the way it works, isn't it? If you're too imprecise, people will twist what you say the way they want to believe you said it. For some reason, people make up all these ideas about everyone else, and then they end up way off the mark. Not a single explanation convinces them otherwise after they make up their minds.
Off-topic again. I'll make a note. Another like that, and we'll put you back in.
Ack! I'll be good.
What do you want to study at university?
That's some serious faith in me, thinking I'll even make it to university in the first place. If I did make it in, though... Maybe music? I don't really know what kind of musical classes are in university, but I'd like to do music, if I had the choice regardless of how viable it is.
I wasn't done, though!
We have to move forward at some point, so let's cut it there. I told you to keep it concise.
Is there someone who is taking care of you?
Taking care of me? Like a parent? I live alone. Nobody else in the house. So... it kind of turned into a bit of a mess. It's not a very big house anyway. Most of the time I spend it in hotel rooms like this one, though. My parents left me a lot of money.
It's dwindling, but I don't mind when it means I get to have so much fun, and...
Alright, we're going off topic again. I told you if you did it again...
No! No, I don't want to go back in there!
Little demon nearly broke that guard's hip with that savagery. I'm glad that's over, even if it's technically not completely over. There were a few more questions... Too bad. We'll have to up the dosage on this one to soften them up. Interview over. Any further questions will be declined. Log complete.