Part 101: Alternate Ending #6: Herr Lynx - Champion of the Demi-Humans
For this next ending, the Serge-Lynx body swap needs to have taken place and there's a pretty huge window for it (all the way up to going back to Another World and the revisit to Viper Manor.)
We begin in the newly rebuilt and repopulated Marbule. I guess that whole Black Nightmare thing just worked itself out without any sort of abysmal rock opera needed.
Lynx wanders out of his house...
"Did you dream of moi? Ooh lah lah!"
"Let's just say my dreams..."
"...put a smile on my face."
"No... I mean yes. You're a clown... Smile on my face. Ha-ha...?"
"Oh...oui, oui. Ze shadez through me off. Why do you stop in ze middle of a sentence to put them on like zat...?"
"It's like in CS...oh...forget it... I'll explain it to ya some time else."
"We have another grand day ahead of us!"
Music: Another Marbule
"Good morning to you, too! Keep up ze good work wit' zat well!"
"Hah-hah-hah! No problem!"
"Little hot for my tastes. But eh... That's probably just the fur coat talking..."
"I'm going to work my heart out for a new Marbule!"
"Bravo! Excellente! Keep up ze good work!"
"C'mon, let's play!"
"Non, non...! Monsieur Lynx iz very buzy today!"
"I wasn't asky you, Harle! Nah-nah!"
"Sorry, Kid. Harle is working me to the bone today. For a clown she doesn't let me have much fun lately..."
"Hah hah haha!"
"Hi, Lynx! Hi, Harle! Listen, I was wondering if you could go do some shopping for me? I'll give you a discount!"
"Don't we already have a discount there...?"
"Oui... Maybe zey stack...?"
"Vague verbal discounts don't usually work like that. What do you think this is, a roleplaying game?"
"Sure, but maybe later, non?"
Irenes swims over...
"It's gotta be the hat... Everyone loves the hat."
"Oh, good morning, siréne of ze sea! About zat person you were looking for... Leave it to us!"
"Sö yoü will täke on my request? T'ank yoü!"
"Zat iz no probléme for Monsieur Lynx."
"I knew I cöuld count on yoü. Well, güt-bye."
"The hell was she talking about...? Who does she want us to find...?"
"Oh. Just zat rock star from ze S.S. Zelbess, Ziggy."
"It...isn't like it is hard to ask around and find where he is staying... Why did she need us...?"
"Have jou heard ze way she talkz...?"
"Ah geez... Well, we've got to go kill rats in that bunny girl's basement."
"The one with the hands."
"Oh... Oh. Oui... *Zat* one..."
"After that, we've gotta go tell Sky Dragon to stop leaving huge dumps over by the watering hole when it visits."
"Did she do zat again...? I'm sorry."
"Yes...again. And what are you apologizing for...?"
"Uhh...sorry I didn't catch it iz all..."
"Friggin' dragons, I swear... After that we've gotta... Oh, great.. Grandpa Janitor is on the prowl."
"Oh, good morning, Lynx, Harle. You two seem to fit in quite nicely after several months here. The restoration program is coming along fine. Thanks to you two, of course."
"Zere iz not'ing Monsieur Lynx cannot do, non?"
"Hahahahah. I was hoping you would say that."
"That is not true. For instance...I can't whistle."
"You cannot whistle...?"
"Nope... I've tried and tried... I have decided cats just cannot whistle... I miss whistling..."
"There is something I would like to discuss."
"Oui? What iz it?"
"Unlike before, everybody is generating a positive attitude. This may be a golden opportunity to bring about a change to our dated way of thinking."
"The whole 'blame dem cracka humans for everything bad ever' business...?"
"I am sure we will have to associate with the humanfolks on equal terms now. I believe it is time for a new leader. I am too old for this."
"Are you saying..."
"Yes, exactly. Once you become the leader of Marbule, the way we demi-humans view the world will change for the better... I believe you will be able to bring forth a new age in the history of demi-humans."
"Well, Monsieur Lynx? How about it?"
"Huh... Uh... Well..."
"Of course, I will help, too."
"You do not have to answer right away. Stay here as long as you want to consider my offer. But keep in mind, everybody looks up to you and needs you."
The Sage wanders off...
Music: Ephemeral Memory
"Huh... So I'm gonna be president of the demi-humans now...?"
"What iz wrong with zat? It iz an honor."
"Yeah... It's great and all... I just...ya know...wasn't planning to be like...*this* forever..."
"But until zen, let'z do what we can for ze demi-humans here, non?"
<sigh> "Yeah, yeah..."
"You are needed here. No matter how you look on ze outside, you are you! And zat iz what iz important. Everbody iz looking to you for guidance. You can do it, Monsieur Lynx... I know you can!"
And so Serge stays a furry, but leads the demi-humans to peace and prosperity under his leadership. And presumably he bangs the shit out of Harle too. Well, good for him...
At the Pearly Gates, Team Old Geezer has assembled with Radius, Zappa, and Fargo rushing into battle.
Music: Between Life and Death
Despite it having been literally months now since Lynx and Serge swapped bodies, Dark Serge still has done fuck all to further his goals in the interval since then. This guy is the least efficient villain of all time.
"I'll hear what you have to say..."
"Listen well! The countless evil deeds you have committed cannot go unpunished! We can no longer allow you to do as you please! Prepare yourself!"
"Ah hear ye be the bastard that killed all the dragoons dead. That's why ah'm here to avenge me son!"
<blows smoke> "Arg! I, too, am a villain, but me reason are just! You're nothin' but a disgrace!"
"I mean look at that soddin' hat! Just look at it! That is shameful. Ye might as well be wearin' a pink beret. In this is comin' from a man wearin' an ascot, ya scurvy dog."
"I really don't have time to deal with the likes of you..."
Kid wanders from...I'm not sure where... She seemingly just phases through a wall off camera.
"That's the way it goes... But I do need to get used to my new body..."
"Mate that excuse flew the first time. Ya ain't usin' that lame line again to sha-"
"I meant I was going to fight as well."
"Oh...right. Of course!"
"I'll make a special exception today, and take you on as well."
"Hah! Any time you're ready!"
Unfortunately, we fade to black before there is actually any battle. I'm pretty sure Fargo, Radius, and Zappa could kick the shit out of Kid and Dark Serge fairly easily. So, presumably Kid got punched in the vagina by Radius until she woke up in a field a week earlier not remembering what the hell happened and Dark Serge just died in a cave after accomplishing absolutely nothing.
I'm okay with that ending.
Music: Fragments of a Dream
Only four more to go.