Part 63: Episode LVII: Lynx and the Shifting Sands of Earth Dragon Isle

Welp, that's two down and four to go on the ol' dragon relic tally. I think we could use a couple more notches in our belt though. Don't you?


Our next destination for dragon devastation is Home World's Earth Dragon Isle. Take a wild guess whom the next target is going to be.

Music: Earth Dragon's Island


You'll recall there was some rock turtle thingamajig blocking the path when we visited here earlier. Thankfully, since we informed the surveyors on the island, they've blown the thing to hell and the path is now free and clear. Had we neglected to do that earlier, we'd have to go wander off for a bit and do a couple more quests before they'd demolish the obstruction.

Heading underground...


It turns out the previous obstruction was this adorable little bugger, the rockroach. They're mostly harmless little critters that are just content on chilling out and taking a nap as long as nobody bothers them. So, of course, we're going to be horrible jerks to every one of 'em we see in this dungeon.




If we talk to the resident demolitions expert by the newly opened cavern, he'll hook Lynx up with some manner of explosive tipped dildo. Alright, then...


Newly armed with volatile sex toy, our new task is a rather simple puzzle. There are three holes in this subterranean maze that are spewing jets of sand into the air. There are also three rockroaches. I think you can see where this is heading...








Nothing like exploiting passive creatures and manipulating their carcasses to advance your own goals. All in a day's work for the heroic Team Lynx.


The newly blocked sand streams...somehow...all now converge on the central sinkhole, creating a powerful jet stream that will launch the party to the southernmost platform leading to the heart of the island.

Music: Garden of the Gods


"Uhhh...did we take a wrong turn back at Albuquerque...?"
"Looks like it's a dead end."
"Could this just be a natural cavern of some sort? It doesn't seem like a ruin."
"If it ain't then this dragon definitely got last pick for holy domain... Unless there's some seventh Sewage Dragon I don't know about."
"There's no point staying here. There's absolutely nothing."


"Uhh...the power to see what the hell is talking would be nice..."
"Thou must raise thy eyes skyward."


"Look, just cuz the camera dramatically pans upward like that doesn't mean I can actually see up that angle. I can like *maybe* make out the end of a foot."
"Very well, son of man."

The Earth Dragon leaps down from its perch...


"Holy CRAP! Dude...little warning next time! I almost had a heart attack!"


"My powers I shall grant to the ones who seek to break the eternal chains of fate. What is it thou seeketh?"
"This...sounds really familiar..."
"Dost thou need the powers of the Sleeping Dragons to cross the Dead Sea? Dost thou seeketh to break the chains of fate? A son of man to challenge the Goddess of Fate?"
"Yeah...this is totally...this is the same exact speech the Water Dragon gave... Did you two hire the same speech writer? Or did one of you copy the other's homework. I mean...what do you things do all day besides lounge around? You'd think you'd be able to come up with something decent to say the rare occasion someone stops by. Sheesh."
"Fascinating... Then confront my trials."


And so the Earth Dragon unleashes a big, sandy fart and the battle begins.




So, you know how I said the Water Dragon was the easiest of the Dragon Gods? Apparently, I had utterly forgotten this joker. Ignore the fact the thing is about 50 feet tall if it wasn't slouching all the time. It is probably one of the easiest boss battles in the entire game.




Even with its monstrous proportions, it really cannot be bothered to do more than two or three swipes every once in a while for 30-50 HP of damage. And...that is all it does 75% of the time.


It's only other attack is GiddyBreath. This hits for about 0-10 HP of damage on a single character. Yeah...it's beyond pathetic. It does, however, in very seldom instances, cause the "dizzy" status effect. Which...just decreases a character's evasion stat against a boss that has an exceedingly high accuracy stat... The horror.




The sand dragon gets absolutely WRECKED by Green innate magic to the tune of around 350-500 HP of damage for higher end elements. Karsh can grind down a good 1300+ HP of damage with all three of his techs. For reference, the dragon only has 3100 HP total. So, that's a sizable chunk, especially considering he'll need to do a good 300+ damage to build up his element gauge first.


Of course, we cannot forget to have Fargo pilfer the third elemental plate of the set.






In any case, the Earth Dragon takes one last sandy blast of gas upon losing the last of its strength and keels over in defeat, earning the party their 32nd star level.


We also gain the ThundaSnake element. Thunder Snake...? Wasn't that a Mega Man X Maverick?


"Thy strength is worthy of my power. Take with thee my prayer..."
"So...does that mean... Ah, there we go. Geez, can't any of you just say congrats and hand over the thing?"




And so the Earth Dragon bestows upon Serge the...shit covered amber brick... Gee...thanks a lot...


"Seriously, you couldn't wipe your droppings off this thing before you gave it to me...?"
"No. Now, GET OUT!"