Part 34: The Quest for ThorazinePart 31: The Quest for Thorazine
Right so where were we?
We're doing a good job of keeping our clients safe, happy, and paying out, Boss!
Well, that's good--hey, we're getting a message from Augustus Caesar!
I asked you before, and nicely, to join me. This is no place for an army without borders. You're clearly struggling just to keep up, while I've already rebuilt my legions. It would be best to avoid bloodshed, don't you think?
Humph. I've read up on you. You aren't half the general Julius Caesar was.
Perhaps not, but I know how to delegate, and my centurions are more than capable of organizing an offensive against you. I'm surrounded on all sides by potential threats, so it's in my interest to begin whittling them down. You, the Japanese, or those strange Americans one of these three has to go. Just consider this one more friendly reminder.
Great. What else can go wrong today?
Time to scope out our enemies. I'm going to need my best intel operative for this one.
Silverback? He's dead.
No, no, the guy with the glasses, who I found in a truck! Doesn't have a code name. Hideo!
No problem, boss! I'll take care of it!
Get to it, buddy! Ah, I love that guy.
Ha HAAAA! Snake! You think you can fool ME!? I see your army poised on the border. You mean to attack me, don't you?
Not necessarily. There's this thing I've been getting into lately, "deterrence," it means one sword keeping another in its sheath. Y'know, protection.
So, what you're saying is, you're a gutless coward who would never attack even if he had a numerical and tactical advantage. Good to know.
What? No, that's not what I meant. It's, like, uh, the code of the samurai
Don't you DARE talk to me about the code of the samurai!
I think what he means is, "If you want peace, prepare for war."
So you are preparing for war! I'll show you deterrence! Archers, open fire on his troops!
Wait, no! Goddammit, if you want a fight you've got it!
AHA! I knew you were going to invade me! Now, let us fight like honest men!
Kaz, please make mood stabilizers our next research priority.
Well, the good news is we shouldn't have any trouble pacifying Osaka. The bad news is, the Roman Empire's breathing down our neck and securing Osaka will probably just put us within striking distance of Augustus Caesar.
Destroy their banana fields! Burn them to the ground!!!
These guys are just armed with clubs, but they're still giving us their all. He's really infused his troops with fighting spirit.
Gauuugh tell my wife Baboon I love her!
Dammit! Pike, finish it!
We got 'em, sir! Plenty of salvage in this city, too--looks like they built it out of all the junk we found around the world. We should be able to upgrade Mother Base soon!
Our metallurgy courses are complete we're ready to start blacksmithing some real blades for our troops!
Aaah, screw waiting! I'll just whittle down these salvaged helicopter rotor blades and turn 'em into swords!
Whatever you gotta do. I'm not picky.
New communication from Nobunaga, Boss!
Umm I seem to have flown off the handle when last we spoke. All I remember is seeing red and hearing insults. I forgive me
You're not going to commit seppuku, are you?
ABSOLUTELY NOT! er, that is no, no, that would solve nothing. As an apology, let me give you one of our small villages.
you mean that tiny, tactically useless thing out in the mountains to the north?
Yes. Is there a problem with that?
No, sir. No problem at all. I'll gladly take it if it means a ceasefire. (Kaz, get ready to tear that shantytown down for scrap ) Nice to know we could work things out, sir!
(Seriously, Kaz, where's the mood stabilizers?)
(I'm working on it!)
With the salvage of that last battle, we were able to get a bunch of fulton recovery balloons and tranquilizer darts! We should be able to capture anyone in close range of territory we control. Too bad we don't have a helicopter to help us grab people from anywhere, I heard some idiot ruined the rotor blades we needed to get some swords
Boss, bad news! The Romans have upgraded their arsenal--they're starting to use huge organized armies of legionnaires! Very strong, very tough I don't know if we can handle them!