Part 39: Mire, Part 1



The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes...was the ceiling of a dark, gloomy room with flickering, uncovered light bulbs. The random bursts of light they shone were so dim that they only just barely lit up the wood grain on the ceiling enough to see patterns in it.

The back of my head hurt in the same way it would if someone had just pulled my hair really hard. I couldn't do anything about it, though, so I just frowned and waited for it to subside.

I wondered if I'd hit my head somewhere.

I suddenly realized that my feet weren't touching the ground. And there was a cold sensation all along my back. I must have been lying down on a hard surface. I tried to move, but both my arms and both my legs had gone to sleep, and they wouldn't budge.

I'd just have to keep lying here until they woke up. I gave up on moving, and instead just stared up at the gloomy ceiling again.

I knew it wasn't actually a person, but it really did look like one, and he was glaring down at me with a hateful expression. It was creepy!



If only big brother were here with me... He'd just pat my head and laugh and tell me how silly I was being.

I was still a little disoriented, but I turned and twisted my head as best as I could manage to see if I could find him anywhere nearby. Why was I sleeping in a place like this, anyway? And why wasn't big brother at my side, like he always was...?



Why were we in this school to begin with? Maybe the charm failed and this was our punishment? Maybe I was the one who messed it up. I probably shouldn't even have been there. And if I hadn't asked him to help me try to find a bathroom, we wouldn't be separated right now. I should've just held his hand and not let go. I could've lasted a little longer without peeing. Then we'd still be together.


Sound Effect: Thunder




I then realized that I couldn't see my arms. Where were they? Why weren't they at my sides? They were still numb, too, so I couldn't feel where they were either. But I tried my best to move them anyway.


I thought maybe the reason I couldn't feel my arms or legs and couldn't move is because I was tied up really tight and it was cutting off my circulation.

With some effort, I was finally able to move my fingertips. I started feeling everything I could, grateful even for this little bit of reassurance.


The rope around my wrists had been tied up tight and looped many times over. And with the circulation trickling back into my hands, it was really painful!

I was so scared, it felt like I'd forgotten how to breathe.

The footsteps were echoing from out in the hallway. They stopped right in front of this room.

I wriggled in place and screamed as loud as I could. I didn't even care about the old, splintery rope cutting into my wrists and ankles anymore.

???: You shouldn't writhe around like that. The ropes will just hurt that much more.



Video: Showtime
Music: Unrest



He was looking at me with a caring, sympathetic smile on his face. He seemed to be really concerned about me.














I didn't get any of it. Every hair on my body was standing on end. I was terrified.

The corners of my eyes were on fire. I couldn't stop myself from crying. Tears were flowing down my face like a waterfall.


His hand was ice cold. It was like there was no blood flowing through it at all -- like the hand of a dead person.

Music: None

He slowly and hesitantly took his hand off my cheek, then began walking around me, toward my feet. Then he gently grabbed my skirt with one hand, and drew a knife from his breast pocket with the other.

Music: Unrest (B)













The panic and fear just kept getting more overpowering. I think I was hyperventilating. But Kizami showed no mercy. Instead, he reached out and grabbed my neck.







With that, he let go of my neck, but then hastily pulled the knife in his hands right up to my face. He made sure I could see every inch of it clearly and just held it there, slowly turning it, for what felt like an eternity.

The knife was stained with red splatter marks. No, not even red...just dark. It wasn't a color I knew well, but there was only one thing it could've been.



I was shivering so hard I could feel my teeth vibrating. A chill ran through every part of me, as if I were so afraid that it had actually lowered my body temperature. The chattering coming from inside my mouth was getting louder and louder, to such an extent that even I was getting distracted by it.

Music: Kizami's Awakening


Kizami suddenly tore my uniform, exposing my stomach.

He laid the knife blade flat across my belly button, and the sudden sensation of cold metal against my skin sent even more shivers up and down my spine.





My throat was completely dry. I actually wanted to cry for help, but the walls of my air pipes were sticking together. Breathing was hard enough.







Fear had taken over. I couldn't hold myself back. I knew it wouldn't go over well, and I knew it would hurt...but I forced myself to cry out.



Music: Serious








Sound Effect: Static





Sound Effect: Static





Sound Effect: Static
Music: None




Video: Showtime ends here
Music: Kizami Family Chronicles

Principal: But I'm afraid it's true. Your little boy... Yuuya brandished a pair of scissors with intent to harm another child.
Kizami's Mother: So you're saying this was done on purpose?!
Principal: By the time we arrived on the scene, he was looking down at his own bloodied hand and laughing.
Kizami's Mother: ...
Principal: We've done everything we can for him on our end. How you wish to deal with him now is up to you.
Kizami's Mother: P-Please, wait!

Ever since I was little, I've been unable to put myself in another man's shoes. I've possessed no sympathy, no empathy and no respect for life. Slowly but surely, my parents started to see me like I was some kind of devil. They shunned me. They ignored me... They'd focus all their love and affection on my older brother and sister. On my highly successful and generally upstanding brother and sister.

Everybody liked them, and I began to realize just how different life was for people who are well-regarded. And since my parents had given up on me, those siblings were the only ones who ever looked after me. My brother was particularly obnoxious, always flaunting his honor student status and trying to make me into a good little boy. It was sickening. He'd use his standing as my elder to boss me around, and would even follow me to make sure I was behaving. But I did fight back once. Back in elementary school...I stood up to my older brother.

Kouki: Wh-What the hell are you doing?! Yuuya! What did you just burn?!

Sound Effect: Thump


I honestly had no idea why he'd struck me. But this was the first time I'd ever been on the receiving end of violence...and I was pissed. I tried to jump him, but he was just too big. I didn't stand a chance.
Sound Effect: Thump
Kouki: *pant* *pant* *pant* Why do you have so little regard for life? How can you just...kill another living creature? Why would you do something like that, Yuuya?!

I couldn't believe the asshole actually threw a punch at me. I was determined to hit him back. I wasn't going to give up until I succeeded. Unfortunately, his size really was an insurmountable obstacle for me. My attempt to fight back was cut short by another, much harder blow to the same cheek.

That was twice now! I was so going to make him pay. I swore I'd injure him. My punch was going to connect! If I couldn't hit him in the head, any other part of his body would do just as well.

Kouki: You're not getting it! You need to grow up, Yuuya. As long as you're not a complete idiot, you will understand what I'm telling you some day. Our physical differences now aren't going to mean a damned thing in the future. Mental growth is what matters most. I want you to become someone who can sympathize with the pain other people feel!
I could've sworn I saw tears welling up in his eyes. The hell was that about? He just beat me up, and here he was looking sad!

Kouki: Dammit.


Kouki: You'll always be my little brother. Nothing can ever change that.
Ugh, I can still remember what a disgustingly sentimental look he was giving me when he said that!



Kouki: Listen. Mental growth is what matters most. Carve that into your heart. Never forget it.

Music: None






Music: Yearning





My sister grabbed me by both of my shoulders and looked me right in the eyes when she said this. But I didn't care about a word she was saying. I just pushed her away.





I've always tried to figure out how to intuit what others are truly feeling...to get honest reactions out of them.

No one seems to understand that I'm incapable of understanding the people around me.

That's why I've made a point of studying the world and keeping to myself, simply trying my best not to stand out. I play the part of a loner.

I pretend I'm interested in boring conversations and smile. I pretend I care about the problems of others and fake a concerned expression.

Not a single one of my classmates has ever caught on to the fact that it's all just make-believe. They greet me with smiles, and I see through their lies.

They all act like they can judge a person based on his outward actions, without ever even seeing his true nature.

Every one of them is completely deceived by my act. They're all empty-headed fools, worthy of only my contempt.
Music: None

They're just like my brother and sister... unforgivable cretins who lie to my face!

That's why I've decided to conduct a little experiment. A way to see if I can really understand other people...and if I can make them understand me.
I wonder if any of you were aware...that all I ever wanted was to kill you. Like animals, humans are honest only when they're on the brink of death. They all look me right in the eye...and engage me in real, true dialogue...with rare exception.

Yes, sadly...

...There was one who held back the screams and the begging, and simply passed away in near silence.


Sound Effect: Splort


It was a thoroughly unsatisfying kill.

Music: The Dreadful Dark

I'd expected to see some change within myself after coming to this place. But there was nothing. I killed, but felt no remorse. No sympathy. None of the emotions I was supposed to feel.


I didn't regret what I'd done, but it did make me realize that I had no prospects now...no future.
Sound Effect: Static


Did I just...feel pity for someone?


Yes, that was it even then. This odd sensation of taking pity on another human being...

























