The Let's Play Archive

Dominions 3

by Lilli et al.

Part 161: Hinnom - Turn 60

Turn 60

The head of the Forums of Hinnom (31 forums assembled around broad categories visible from a main page) (founded 95,000,000 internet years ago, very internet 2.0) solved content generation (15,000 users per forum - 12,000 users on average) by mass posting..
He caused posters to be brought to SA (photoshop threads) and put a virus on the principal servers (incident II) and then the Pacific area servers were taken - in boxes to Seattle where Amazon was located and the Atlantic area ones to London where it was also Amazon(.UK) because they secretly control the internet and there the internet was put into "packets".
His name was King Hippomnomnomnom. He used Case and the Dixie Flatline. Various misleading pictures by means of MS Paint etc were placed in the web. When through with his crime disloyal admins (weeabos) captured him after six pages of historical rap battle and put him in an electronic forum trap (FYAD). "They" are gone. Their subforum (Helldump) has since been a desert of the mind.
The length and brutality of it all was such that some men never recovered, like Rambo. The pictures were calculated to shock (by goatse, tubgirl, anime hentai tentacle porn etc) anyone who attempted to view them. This liability has been dispensed with by my tech development called a "plugin" that turns pictures of a prolapsed anus into pictures of kittens or monkeys or other baby animals. One can freewheel through the posts and die. Literally die, in real life, dead. Seriously. Like a door knob. Never alive again. Unless it is approached as precisely outlined. The "freewheel" (auto-scrolling on and on) lasts too long, denies sleep etc and one dies. Seriously though. Dead. As a door nail. As a door knob. Dead as a door. Really, dead as anything that isn't alive. You will be dead, dead, dead. So be careful to do only Incidents I and II as given and not plow around and fail to skip only one image at a time.
In December 1999 I Know someone had to take the plunge. I did and emerged very grossed out, but alive. Probably the only one ever to do so in 75,000,000 years, more or less. In dog years that is. Tiny dogs, so their dog years are more like ten or twelve or even a hundred people years. Actually dogs don't really have much of a concept of time so you can tell them it's been however long you want. They will never know the difference. They are dogs. I have tagged all the pictures now, but only those posted here are needful.

One's online persona is a mass of individual shit posts stuck to oneself or to the post history.
One has to clean them off by running a hose or a pressure cleaner or just using a bit of bleach or Incident II and Incident I. It is a long job, requiring care, patience and good editing. You could also just hire someone to do it. Maybe an illegal immigrant. Like one of those maenads from Pan. Fuckers are all over the place. Taking our jobs.
You are posting beings. Shit posters respond with pictures of dicks and assholes. Some large, some small.
Shit posters in Helldump believed they were admins. This is the primary error.
Good luck.

For the purpose of clarity, ah ha ha ha who the fuck am I kidding? We're talking about clarity, man. I mean, how silly is that? We're talking about clarity. I know I'm supposed to be succinct. I know I'm supposed to write clearly and concisely . . . I know it's important . . . I honestly do. But we're talking about clarity, man. What are we talking about? Clarity? Hah, fuck that. Anyway, by shit poster is meant a shit post who is stuck to another shit poster until it develops into a giant amalgam of shit that is out of control and all of a sudden you're pretending you're a real person when actually you're just a giant pile of terrible posts on the internet.
A shit post is, of course, an internet word using the Greek "Xite" Which was pronounced SHIT and is the Greek symbol for poor taste or stupidity. An individual being on the internet such as a goon is a poster, he is not a post history and he does not think because he watches a lot of pornography and television and animes and it is more comforting than thinking.
A thread is a group of shit posts crushed or held together by some mutual bad experience like having to read each other.

Character of Gross Pictures

Lemon party is just a couple of dudes having a good time. When one gets off, another squares around, picks up another dude's svelte body and admires his daisies. He is in fact a sort of cleared Being. Empty. Spent. He cannot fail to eventually, if not at once, regain many abilities. Usually after about five minutes if he's young and with a pretty girl or a pretty boy (King Hippomnomnomnom is not here to judge, fuck whoever you want as long as you're both consenting adults) but when you get older it takes longer to recover your "abilities" and once you've hit as old as the dudes in Lemon Party you're basically only triggering your abilities once a turn and even then only with some serious "magical" help. After that picture was taken, many of the dudes in it have been asleep for the last 75,000,000 years. They are worn out. Obviously. There was some really freaky shit that didn't appear in that picture. And just between the two of us, those dudes respond to any, uh "process" any of us responds to. amirite?
Some folks are suppressive. A suppressive is out of valence in R6. He is in valence in Incident I almost always. If you don't speak wackjob, that means they are seriously committed to a weird religion that cares a great deal about who you're fucking and how. Like Sauromatia or Lanka. Anyway, it's cool that they practice their own religion even if it's stupid and terrible and they're all going to burn in Tartarus forever more if they don't convert to King Hippomnomnomnom who, just in case you were keeping score, is cool with folks doing what they want and doesn't think that getting married to a dryad is somehow going to ruin the sanctity of the fifty five Qedesot doing it with a couple Ba'als.

One can't just shit post all over a forum using only these two girls and one cup since other posters are clever and will quickly figure out your gimmick. Particularly with a user name like "2girls1cup4evahIluvthisp1c." Aside from that, mods are pretty sharp way and if you just post a bunch of the same picture over and they're going to figure it out even if you do something clever with embedded links or music videos.

Huge amounts of change have already been removed from your pocket by the mods because you have to re-reg every time you get banned for posting those pictures, to say nothing of the fact that it's really funniest when you take people by surprise and put it in places they'd never expect like Pet Island or YOSPOS's cat thread.

Shock is proportional to both the unexpectedness of the picture and the revoltingness of subject matter.

Although a forum is a composite thing there is only one poster (that is you) who ruins things.

Inhibitions and decency just hold one back.

You will continue to post. You, inside, can of course separate out which of your posts are intentional shit posts and so solo editing is the answer. How good do you have to be to evade the banhammer? Well, you must be swift like a swallow, clever like a fox, and if you didn't skip your internet history, hilarious like the O RLY owl was back in 1982, quips and one liners particularly, you should be able to amuse other posters easily. And then, once you have suckered them in, *POW*, slip in the picture of a prolapsed anus.

The birds with arms thread is over 36 pages long. Photoshops proliferated onto other forums weeks and months after being posted because that is how the internet works and now there's a picture of a Toucan with two huge pythons and sixteen 9gag watermarks. But King Hippomnomnomnom is fucking smart as shit and he implanted a virus in all of those pictures and now all those motherfuckers are going to pay. And also all the innocent users that are looking at them on other shitty sites but sometimes you have to set up a colossal botnet of zombie PCs to show all those motherfuckers. And then once you have it you might as well use it to destroy Iranian nuclear reactors and then you've got this whole huge hammer you might as well use it to hit some nails and by nails I mean skim large amounts of money from large international banks and multinational corporations and then use that money to buy a small island nation like Lanka and live on a beach being served mai tais by monkeys wearing tuxedos.

Do not just scan through my fucking post history. The volcanic explosive power of the hilarity in my posts must be savored to be appreciated. You can't just look at that one where I say "much like your posting" and be like oh, heh, that's kind of funny. You have to read the whole thread to really appreciate the humor of that post. I'm chuckling just thinking about it.

Here is the Sequence of Incident II for posters on another forum -

Capture (screenshot),
print that shit out,
make "where is the ham" joke (sometimes you need to relay a point about goons being fat),
picture of hilarious post being placed on a fridge,
take pants off and hands go up to "the pilot",
various picture sequences,
the 7s and C.C. and OT II materials,
36 minutes of pictures which give a vast array of materials and three explanations for the "boobing,"
transport to the trashcan or laundry basket for packaging up into the trash or for laundering.
Then a few hours of shame for being so alone.

The pictures you post contain God, the Devil, angels, space opera, theaters, helicopters, a constant spinning, a spinning dancer, trains and various scenes very like modern England. You name it, it's in those pictures we call in their entirety "memes"- if one was a Loyal poster on SA in 2003, the sequence was (1) capture picture (2) write something funny in big letters above and below. If one was a poster on another forum then one I probably trolled the shit out of you at some point. But really, what do you expect when you have a forum about how you're a purple dragon otherkin who is visited at night by rapey Sephiroth?

The pictures posted at the various "subforums" is longer or shorter, but dovetailed into the same sequence of shit posts. We have the whole text but it is needless. They are all terrible and it's not like you need to see "lol, stare at this shitlords!" and then another picture of woman ejecting an enema onto herself.

People who feel dizzy have gotten into the squirting part. Seriously, that is some of the most revolting shit out there. Who the fuck likes that? You need to find King Hippomnomnomnom and get right with yourself. Looking at you , looking at you.

The first post occurred about 4 quadrillion years ago plus or minus. it is very much earlier than the founding of the forums of Hinnom which occurred only 75 million years ago (a bit less). It's pretty metaphysical. Like there's a shadow of a post on a cave that's like even older than the forums on which it is posted. It's really pretty complicated and this is definitely not a ridiculous bullshit made up story that people are jackasses for believing is true.

Definitely not that. Because you see these stories about tricking people into looking at horrible pictures on the internet and making really good username/post combo posts is a peculiar and generally serious business on this and nearby forums, and everything on the internet is true.

-TACO FLAVORED KISSES, while still woozy from his resurrection as a mummy. Some critics have suggested he was out of his mind on preservatives and desiccants. Others have suggested his words represent direct insight into the deepest mysteries of the world. King Hippomnomnomnom's will is unknown as he burst into laughter upon hearing this and could not stop. Whenever anyone brings it up again he starts giggling uncontrollably.

The end of year five and every single player is still alive. I bought the farstrikers because they've been an available mercenary group for the past 55 turns and all that's left is their commander. I am going to get him killed because it annoys me to see them available every turn and maybe we'll get a better merc group instead. BARBED WIRE BICEP TATTOO successfully casts Earth Blood Deep Well and that's +20 earth gems a turn for me. Blood hunting has been steadily rising and is at 72.

Blood six has two important spells.

Ice Devils suck in AE, but in vanilla they're great high level thugs/low level SCs. They each come with water magic, 75 hit points and automatically escape from Cocytos which is cool. Even with a blood site I'm not going to waste slaves on them, but if I were Mictlan and researching blood before conjuration I might bring them out.

This is a great assassination spell because it's so cheap. Unfortunately it has a high casting requirement, but it's still one of the best assassination spells for unscripted mages because the disease demon has a disease cloud which diseases (typically old human) mages who then die even if they kill the disease demon.

Hell yes! My first AE elemental royalty. These guys are absurd. The King of Magma is pretty beefy and has a huge fire shield and heat aura. He will be a tremendous battle caster for me, raining fire and magma down on everyone everywhere. He can also easily summon Zmey, drop huge sheets of fire on far away provinces and light the Eternal Pyre (+20 F gems/turn).

King Hippomnomnomnom finally chooses a Melqart to serve as his mouthpiece to the peoples of the world.

In Bogger Wold, The Biggest Poppa disassembles my Johnny Fives.

Here are our forces arrayed on the field of battle.

The Biggest Poppa is surrounded by communion slaves and his pet Zmey.

And he is decked out in his finest pearls.

Here's his pet Zmey after a few rounds with BEEP BOOP I AM A STABBING ROBOT.

If you squint you can barely see the red stain that used to be The Biggest Poppa's pet zmey. These mechanical giants were kitted out for Zmey killing and they succeed admirably (they also show what an anomaly that first result was as this was just mechanical iron giant vs. a Zmey while the other puttered around with PD).

The Biggest Poppa might not have always walked his pet Zmey when he should have and he certainly fed it too many table scraps, but by King Hippomnomnomnom that was his pet zmey!

Once the mechanical giants get in range opposition absolutely obliterates them because their magic resistance is terrible. This is the thing that makes mechanical giants kind of suck. Their magic resistance starts at twelve. You have to either kit them out for absolutely max magic resistance or as soon as they hit some astral or earth magic they're going to get either oppositioned into the ether, arcane dominationed onto the other team or shattered into a bunch of pieces.

The Biggest Poppa is a real problem, but I don't envy irony or death having to deal with this province.

This is the kraken I got this turn (I think, honestly I get them a little mixed up sometimes). Astral means teleporting and that's great.

PIMP ROBES remembers the hours King Hippomnomnomnom spent assembling those mechanical giants and painting them to a tabletop standard and he will have his revenge (on province defense)!

In Histyra, King Hippomnomnomnom's loyal followers are busy. Savnok casts Stellar Focus, a global that nobody should object to that provides me with 5 pearls a turn. It's not much but it only costs 30 pearls to cast and it's fairly innocuous. The forges continue to pump out blood stones and other equipment. vincent=bestcharacter one-ups Rhuax, demonstrating his mastery of the hammer and the anvil and the element of fire by forging a sword made of fire that burns like the sun. A PENIS EUPHEMISM, PECKER, PRIVATES and WANG summon elementals and send them through the earth. They will provide a rude surprise for THE BIGGEST POPPA and his entourage. The rudest surprise, however, will be Ornias.

Ornias reaches into the air and swings away into the clouds. The Biggest Poppa owes King Hippomnomnomnom a debt of oil, and Ornias is coming to collect. The big concern I have about The Biggest Poppa is that he will cast enslave mind with a tremendous penetration boost on any single commander I send to him. The Biggest Poppa is already S9 and added to that is the rune smasher he carries and any extra levels from his communion. Hopefully the earth attacks will kill some of his communion slaves. If not, I don't think it will matter because I've managed to boost Ornias's magic resistance to 35. At MR 35, Ornias should be basically immune to anything that checks MR. He's going to walk over to The Biggest Poppa, shrugging off enslave minds and stab him in the face with Mage Bane. Aegis will easily dispatch any chaff protecting The Biggest Poppa. Of course, if this plan fails I'm out my best commander, Mage Bane, Aegis, the Robe of Calius the Druid and another 30 (ok, 15) gems of equipment and I don't really have anything that can touch Ornias if Feinne gift of reasons him. At least he won't get to keep Aegis and Mage Bane. It's a calculated risk, and I'm relying on 35 MR being astronomical. If it works, T'ien Ch'i will be essentially undefended. If it fails, Feinne will have gained the best SC and I'll be out well over a hundred gems in equipment.

Gemgen Counter

Blood stones: 94
Cost: 438E, 708 slaves
Gems Generated: 1,173


Dude, I bet you one blood slave I can kill T'ien Ch'i before you kill Arcoscephale.

You have yourself a wager young man.