Part 5: Note: To play along with today's episode type in 113012CD on the title screen of Doug's Big Game.
Note: To play along with today's episode type in 113012CD on the title screen of Doug's Big Game.
It's me. Doug. I was really excited to see Patti today! She said she'd meet me at the 4 Leaf Clover Mall. She really gets my engines revvin'. Grrrumm rummm rummm. I went to wait for her, but she was taking a really long time.
Doug: Patti's never late, but I've been standing here staring at this planter forever! I wonder where she is?
Doug: I'm sure she said noon and I'm sure she said to meet in front of Raccoon Records. Maybe I should look for her.
Doug: Do you think she's in the store? Well, we might as well start our search. Let's go!
I went inside and Connie Benge was standing in the exact same spot she always was. I wondered if her legs muscles had atrophied yet. Maybe she had seen Patti.
Connie: Doug, I just love that doodle you drew of Mr. Bone.
Doug: Where did you see that?
Connie: Roger showed it to me and I can't stop laughing!
Doug: What's Roger doing with my drawing?
Connie: I don't know.
Doug: I've got to get it back!
Connie: Roger's in detention. You'll never sneak by Mr. Bone to talk to him.
Doug: I think I know how I can! I have to find Fentruck.
Connie: I saw him at the mall. Good luck, Doug.
What luck! He was here. Since the "mall" only has a record store and an arcade it was obvious what I had to do.
I decided to call Skeeter.
Ex-Mayor White: You're on the air, Bluffingtonian. What's on your mind?
Doug: I'm on the what?
Ex-Mayor White: On the radio. Sounds like Doug Funnie, everybody. Doug, what can you share with us?
Doug: Nothing right now. I have to go. Bye, Bluffington.
I hate talk radio. Stern's always good, but all the best shit you can usually find on a podcast, anyway.
I went over to the arcade and Fentruck was playing Super Spacemunks HD Turbo Remix: The New Class.
Doug: Fentruck! I'm so happy to see you!
Fentruck: I am happy to see you as well, Doog.
Doug: Could you go stand outside the school and yodel really loud?
Fentruck: Doog, you know how I love to yodel! Yodel-e-he-hoo...
Doug: Thanks, Fentruck!
I often wonder if Fentruck's rather compliant nature is a Yakistonian thing, or if he's just waiting to cash in on favors when you least expect it. My uncle would probably assume that he was buttering me up to be the pointman in some terrorist plot. I still don't get why some people think that all Yakistonians want to kill us instead of just the radical fringe.
Anyway....I went to school and ran into Chalky.
I needed it. I headed down the hallway and there, in all of his Knotssian glory, was Mr. Bone. I knew he was stupid, but I had to hope he was really fucking stupid to fall for this plan. I went in for the setup.
Doug: Mr. Bone, you like to yodel, right?
Mr. Bone: As a matter of fact, Doug, yodeling is my passion!
Doug: Fentruck is outside yodeling up a storm! He's practicing for the big concert!
Mr. Bone: I need more practice, too.
Doug: Why don't you join him?
Mr. Bone: Oh, yes, I will! Doug, keep an eye on this door. Don't let Roger sneak out!
Doug: Man it's a good thing he loves yodeling. My plan actually worked![/b[
I couldn't believe it was that easy. I felt pretty pimp for a second, like I was ready to pull some Ocean's 11 shit. Then, I remembered that I had still to talk to Roger. I went into the Detention room which had apprently fallen into complete disrepair since I was there last. I went to talk to Roger.
[b]Roger: Hey, Funnie. What'd ya get detention for? Being a loser?
Doug: You took my drawing of Mr. Bone and i need it back!
Roger: I didn't take it. You lost it, loser.
Doug: You think you're such a big deal and can boss everyone around. I think it's time Roger meets HIS boss...
Then Roger asked me what the fuck I was talking about. I actually had a long and reasonable conversation with him abou
Roger: Hey, Doug. You can have your stupid drawing back. It's boring me. You're not so funny anyway, Funnie!
Doug: Have fun in Detention, Roger. I'm leaving.
So I left and I guess I heard about a minute later Roger left, too so Mr. Bone's pissed at me anyway. Oh well, at least I got the drawing back.
I've gotta go look for Patti again now. Talk to you later.
Your best friend,
Doug Fact: The voice of ex-mayor and talk radio host Robert "Bob" White was performed by Greg Lee, the host of the PBS game show "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?"