Part 122: Attack Of The Nouns[This episode is rated NSFW due to weird monster boobs. No, really. It's Dragon Age!]
PART 122: ATTACK OF THE NOUNS
Our heroes head into the depths of Kal'Hirol, in search of the darkspawn army within. But they are not the only uninvited guests...
[We've dealt with the forge, time to press on into the depths of Kal'Hirol. I mean, it's an underground city, so it's technically all depths, but you know what I mean.]
How on earth did you get here, you badly spelled Steven?
Thank the Maker! It's a relief to see someone who isn't one of those... monsters!
Please, for the love of all that's good, let me out. I couldn't stand another minute with these creatures.
You're not a ghoul are you?
Or a goblin?
Or a... ghoublin?
Yes! I haven't been injured, or infected with the darkspawn corruption! I swear!
Huh. Why haven't they killed you then? And what are you doing here in the first place?
I overheard Colbert talking about the chasm and I thought I'd... sneak in past the darkspawn to see if there was any treasure.
Well, I... I found something. In this place, before the darkspawn caught me.
You thief! What you have belongs to the dwarven people!
Yeah, and I'm a dwarven person!
Well, they weren't here to defend it! It's not stealing if they've abandoned it!
You can have it, if you let me out! I don't want it anymore, it's caused nothing but trouble!
What did you find anyway?
I... I'm not sure, but it looks valuable! I've a nose for these things, trust me. Come on, all I want is to get out of here.
Sounds like a deal.
Thank you! My life is worth more than this. Take the blasted thing!
[ for Toth]
Good. You're free. Try not to get killed.
Thank you. Thank you a million times over!
[Notice the way he didn't explain why the darkspawn hadn't killed him? Suspicious. This isn't actually a trap though, nothing bad will come of letting him go.]
[Anyway, let's check out this cool and exciting anvil nearby.]
Is this a dwarven thing? This is a dwarven thing.
This anvil must be pretty old. They make them differently these days...
Branka once explained it to me but I'll be a nugs uncle if I remember what she said, crazy harpy.
Are you all right?
Yeah, the thing just reminded me of Branka, that's all.
Look, Warden, I know she's gone. I know it. But sometimes I... ah, sod it.
(Grunts) Look at me, whimpering like a wet box of kittens. Let's go make paste out of some darkspawn.
Is something there?
Oh hells, they have legs now.
[Hatchlings are the second form of Childer darkspawn. They are faster, stronger and make even more unpleasant noises.]
They were eating other darkspawn...
I don't want to think about this. About any of this.
Thank goodness, an overcomplicated puzzle to take my mind off things.
[Hey, it's like a videogame. There are pillars and plates, each with runes on them. We can swap runes between plates by touching them. Make the rune on the plate match the rune on the pillar behind it. Puzzle solved. Hurray.]
Oh, the... thing... is opening.
What do those chains even connect to?
[We get another part of the Hirol's Defense set, and this very out of place amulet. When was the last time we saw flowers?]
[The architecture's getting increasingly organic down here.]
They're coming out of the walls!
[There are a lot of Childer grubs and hatchlings in this area, bursting out of pods in the walls. They are gross.]
The darkspawn don't seem to like the Childer any more than us.
Are we really going down there?
A bit of spooky mist won't kill you.
[Admit it, you heard the voice.]
The darkspawn leader must be at the end of this passage. It's just so... ominous.
The Architect sends many, but does not come himself! He is a coward!
I will kill you, and he will know that he has failed to destroy the Lost. He will know that the Mother will tear him apart.
That golem has a very poor grasp of metaphor.
(GrowIs) Who comes now? I can feel you, but you are no darkspawn. What trickery is he planning?
You will die, as all who serve the Architect will die! The Mother demands it!
Kill the mouthy one first!
[The Lost is a powerful mage, the Inferno Golem is a big smashy lava monster. By their powers combined they are a pain in the ass. The Golem has a ton of HP and defence and hits hard. The Lost is difficult to stagger out of his spells, and uses them smartly.
Case in point: he's casting Grease in the above screenshot, which creates a grease pool that slows your characters a little, but is fairly non-threatening. He then casts...]
[...fireball, igniting the grease. Yup, enemies have started using spell combos. Better hope none of them learn Storm of the Century.
The Inferno Golem is, as the name suggests, highly resistant to fire, so the grease fire does not faze it at all.]
You're not allowed to be smart! You're meant to be evil!
[The Inferno Golem mostly fights like a standard golem, but all its attacks gain bonus fire damage. It can also charge up an Ignition attack, which acts like a Fireball spell centred on the golem itself. This is problematic for any melee fighters nearby.]
[This fight takes a loooong time. The big fiery fella has a lot of HP. Even hitting him with ice magic and enchanted weapons (his elemental weakness) doesn't speed things up that much.]
I think I need a little rest first. My arms feel like they're about to fall off.
This will look marvellous over the mantlepiece.
[The Lost drops this neato staff, which is definitely going to Anders. Virulent Walking Bomb does spirit damage... ]
Tentacles! Tentacles everywhere!
[Tentacles will spawn constantly from the ground in this area, thanks to the broodmothers in the pit. We can't fight them directly, so it's time for a solution.]
Just gotta hit the shatterpoint.
Oh, it's that doomsday device again. Remind me why the dwarves make such things?
They're great conversation starters.
[You only need to break two of the four chains in this room to drop the big lyrium death box.]
We did it. If the rest of the legion was alive, I know... I know they would honor you in some way.
What's curious is that we seemed to be caught between two... factions of darkspawn. I've never heard of such a thing.
The darkspawn are by nature vicious, and they have always fought amongst each other. But for there to be two organized factions... this is something else.
I noticed that too. It worries me.
Good, it's not just me then. Something has changed in the darkspawn, and I don't think I like it.
Well, it's something to ponder. Especially when you need to be reminded that impending doom is always right around the corner.
You're strange. I like you, kid.
Well, I should get going. There may be others of the Legion out there, somewhere. I could find them.
One good thing about the Deep Roads is that you never run out of darkspawn to fight.
Perhaps you would consider coming with me?
Go... with you? But that would go against my vow--and my plan to disappear into the deep, unmourned and forgotten.
I am looking for Grey Wardens. Join us. We're aaaaaaall about being unmourned and forgotten.
Be a Grey Warden? Is that allowed? Can you be both part of the Legion and a Grey Warden?
If you survive the Joining, you deserve it.
And I'd be more effective at killing the darkspawn, won't I? Ha! How does one say no to this?
Wish I knew.
I will follow you. You seem an all-right sort, and I'm better off with you at my back than alone. Let's go, then. The darkspawn await!
[And we're done! We've destroyed the brood mothers, wiped out the darkspawn and saved the day! Everything's turned out okay! Let's go home! Hurrah!]
SMASH CUT WITH OMINOUS MUSIC TO...
Kal'Hirol lost? The Lost is lost?
Lost lost lost lost!
Mother, be calm...
Calm, yes. Once I was calm.
Once Mother listened to the beautiful call, felt it wash over her and inside her and she was calm.
My poor pets in Kal'Hirol... the Father knew I would send them against him. The Father feared!
KalHirol is gone, but the Mother still has her tricks. Many, many tricks...
But what will the Mother do?
Do? I will laugh!
And then I will wait...
NEXT TIME: Thrilling waiting action
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