Part 1: Episode I: In Which There is Somehow a Drakengard 3Episode I: In Which There is Somehow a Drakengard 3
I received a text message from my friend while at work a good while back. It just said "Drakengard! 3!" It was a mystifying statement that left me with an unsettling, suffocating feeling of dread for the rest of the day. Why would a trusted friend send such a dubious message? I mean, that's just crazy talk. Cavia was long dead, consumed by the cutthroat games industry and its soul trapped in a prison which only produces more NIER soundtracks. Seriously there's like six of them now. Taro Yoko had no doubt long been cast into the abyss like the beginning of Soul Reaver. That's what they do with Japanese businessmen when their company goes under, right?
Regardless, I returned home later that day, greeted my family, rested... relaxed... booted up my computer to dick around online a bit and see what was ha--SON OF A BITCH!! NOWE! HOW?! WHY?!
And here we are today... Drakengard! 3! Somehow! I guess... we should get started...
We open with a narration on the backstory of Drakengard 3's world. Now you may notice the three in the title indicating by all rights this ought to be a sequel of some sorts. Or at least set further ahead in the overall series timeline, but perhaps not at the very latest, if we're following say spacey Fast and the Furious sequel rules. But nope. Drakengard 3 is a prequel set long before the original game or... that other one we don't speak of in polite company...
And by prequel I mean it basically has basically fuck all to do with the rest of the series or its characters and will just be doing its own thing initially. We will get back into Drakengard ~*~LORE~*~ territory a bit more as the game progresses. But if you are fresh on board, for some insane reason, you're not missing anything just jumping in at the deep end of the pool for this outing.
So long ago five goddesses began holding sick concerts which placated the population into an endless lull of social networking discussing each goddess's new album in an endless cycle of white noise nonsense. Which was preferable to the endless war economy. Eventually, this unfiltered deluge of information would be sorted and controlled by The Patr--wait I'm mixing up batshit storylines.
Hey. Yo! Wait up, Yuna! I've seen you somewhere... singing giant winged goddess... Gangly misshapen arms and a long white dress... Goddess... Goddess...? Goddess!
Furiae! You lousy retro hipster. You and your copying old otherworldly gods and wanting to bang your brother. Tsk-tsk. The moral standards of this world bottoms out eventually.
So "Intoner". Get used to that word getting thrown around a lot. It's a fancy term for magic singing girl. Well... it's less singing and more hellish shrieking that performs assorted magical feats. This will be explored in full at another time.
Caim would hate this world.
But you know what Caim would enjoy in order to break up this tedious little history lesson exposition dump?
You only get one guess! Place your bets now!
Survey says: MURDER!
Welp. Two minutes in and the narrator is already dead. RIP Verdelet with hair. Maybe in another life you'll be able to conduct your heinous racism and crush the poor beneath your boot with reckless abandon like a true fantasy Republican.
Despite our newly deceased narrator's story time singing the praises of the Intoners' tranquil harmony across the land, that whole yarn may not be what it seems. This inconsistency will have to be postponed for now. Mostly due to the fact there are far more pressing issues. Such as...
The room exploding.
Where does Drakengard Europe get all its iron from to make all the full plate armor, shields, and weapons for the thousands upon thousands of infantry red-shirts roaming about the land?
What is it now, Dave?
Is your armor chaffing? My armor is chaffing.
Are you going commando in that suit again?!
Goddammit, Dave. How many times do I have to t--
Music: Thundervalor - Battleground
EWW! I've got Dave all over me. Oh god... Oh GAWD. I got Dave juice in my mouth. *hack* It's in my mouth guys. Oh god I'm gonna be sick.
Meet the protagonist of our new adventure: Zero. Zero is an anime lady of very... particular tastes. We'll learn those as the game progresses. First we're going to learn her favorite two colors. If the hair and outfit haven't tipped you off, Zero likes white. Yes, I know white is not actually a color. Shut up you. I know your snarky type.
Anyway Zero likes white...
A shame this game is set in the distant past. I can tell Zero and Caim would have gotten along swimmingly. You know wading through fountains of blood. Also the social interaction kind probably as well.
Remember how Drakengard 2 had a friendly training exercise, a bossy older sister type childhood friend introduced and no murder for the first half hour? Drakengard 3 is making up the body count for that war crime of a video game.
...Okay maybe it's overcompensating a little bit in the kill count department.
Meanwhile, after seeing an entire battalion of their comrades massacred single-handedly by the world's most violent Vocaloid, another troop of infantrymen decides to try out that whole cannon thing a second time. Maybe the first round of soldiers just missed. It could have been a fluke! You never know with this newfangled technology.
Who the hell is 'Michael Dra'--ah shit...
Well it wouldn't be much of a Drakengard game if there wasn't our protagonist wasn't a dragoon with a dragon. We've already done a Red dragon and Legna kind of double-dipped as a black and blue dragon. So now we're going to make Zero's white motif complete with Michael the White Dragon.
Yeah it's Michael the Dragon. You got a problem with this being Mike the Dragon? The last dragon was just "Angel" spelled backwards. I think this name is an improvement.
So let us begin the adventures of Zero the Intoner and Michael the Dragon in a little bit of the old ultra-violence with a touch of aggressive fratricide, shall we?
Video: Drakengard 3 Intro Trailer Warning: Sort of spoilery at points.
Video: Drakengard 3 Opening
Narrator Concept Art (RIP)