Part 47: Episode XLII: In Which Children Are Dumb
Episode XLII: In Which Children Are Dumb
And so the newest member of our team drags us all the way back to just south of where we began this adventure. This shit had better damn well be worth it!
It is not.
Verse 1: A Stony Path
Fuck you, Mohinder. Fuck you. Who let the six year old kid hijack the prologues?
"Sorry... But, I'm so excited! You came all this way to help find my sister. Thank you!"
Dragon...what is this boy talking about? I thought we were killing Imperial affiliated sub-humans.
"We are, Caim. Helping the boy might just to be side effect of that campaign. Is that so bad?"
Will it affect the whole killing thing?
"Only positively in his favor. I doubt it'll affect you."
Works for me.
"Did somebody ring? I'm available for breakfast and bed. You'll need to provide the latter yourself."
"Hehehe. I like this one. Tell me, elf. Do you do room service?"
"I cut right to the heart of customer service. Especially when it comes to young guests. Haha."
"It's okay. There's nothing here, see? What's gonna happen to me? I'll be f-"
GOLEM OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE LANDS ON SEERE!
Verse 2: Remote Giants
That kid narrates remarkably well for someone who just had a big stone giant land on top of his head.
Oh you know, the usual. Dragons, tactical nukes, super growth formulas, clones...the usual.
This stage is one of the very few that is nice enough to just mark where the new weapon is located. All Caim has to do is waltz over and pick it up before completing the trial.
The actual stage involves wizards being assholes. Which really...just goes without saying.
This verse is just chalked full of wizards being fuckheads. The wizards are the same as every other wizard bastard in the game. They shoot fireballs every five seconds, spam them every half second if Red is in the air, general jerks.
But, this bunch of wizards has a new member of their ranks: the black wizard. Black wizards are especially strong assholes. This is due to the fact that in addition to being fireball spamming (which is pretty jerkish) and being wizards (which is innately associated with being a total cock) there is the fact that they're the ones summoning the damned golems. Killing the black wizard causes the big fuck-off golem to immediately give up the fight and retreat underground.
To say the least, killing those jerks is a huge priority.
Arioch, in this stage and honestly for the majority of the chapter, is ridiculously good at dealing with wizard infestations. The wizard circles tend to hang around in close proximity in front of the main summoned golems. Arioch can basically stroll in, unleash her magic attack, and ruin every god hating robed magic user in the area's shit it roughly six seconds. Considering there are only four packs of wizards along with four golems, Arioch can basically solo this stage in two or three summons.
So, it would seem Seere got shushed by that golem and nobody check on him. Stay classy, Team Drakengard.
"He should be crunched and splattered and leaking fluids all over right now. Oh...not fluids you would be interested in, Leonard. Aha. Hahaha!"
I don't think any part of the naming scheme of this weapon could get more generic. Correct me if I'm wrong.
You know, it goes without saying that Drakengard's world has mental stability as sort of a rare occurrence but...come on now. I've never encountered an algebra problem I couldn't solve only to shape the paper it was written on to an edge to slit my wrists.
Verse 3: Tossed About
Yeah...this shitty narration from Seere isn't ending until the chapter concludes. Buckle in... On the plus side, he'll get crucified before the end of the chapter! Or will he?
Fuck off and read the thread. Goddamned spoiler tag junkies.
She's been missing for over a month in an area infested with murderous creatures and has a 101% chance of being dead?
"Mother never hit me. She saved all her anger for Manah instead."
"Seere, you must not blame yourself so harshly."
"Harshly 'bout what? My mommy was awesome like that. I was the favorite and Manah was the reject. Happy sailing for little Seere!"
"But...did you not feel guilty about her neglect?"
"I don't follow..."
Dwayne Johnson's tragic career turn revealed.
NO! Doesn't this damned kid listen?!
"Listen regarding what?"
About this...? Didn't he ask this crap already?
"The child has only been with us a few days. I cannot recall anything of that nature."
Oh, forget it!
I think I mentioned Seere goes on to become Verdelet 2.0 in Drakengard 2. Little fucker was made for the role.
Verse 4: To a Friend
If nothing, I hope he knows Seere's fucking name by this point.
Well, I guess two gameplay stages later it's time to address our six year old amigo getting smashed into a pulp.
Golem starts freaking out.
"That voice! Where does it come from?"
"A spell of possession! A wizard must be hiding nearby."
Didn't I just kill around three dozen wizards?
"Fool human! Wizards are like cockroaches. Leave one alive and you'll have a whole swarm within a week."
"The wizards work with the sub-humans. Would be best to exterminate them like roaches alongside the sub-human filth..."
"Err... But... He's still Golem."
"No, Golem is not Golem!"
"But...Golem is still a golem."
"Yes, Golem is still a golem but he's no longer Golem."
"But... Golem is a golem but he's not a golem... I do not follow."
"Would you just get away from the th-"
"Why there three of you? Why world spin?"
Golem kicks Seere's shit in for his trouble.
"Ahehehe. I should hope not. Wouldn't want to make certain parties feel awkwaaaaarrrrd! Aha! Ahahahaha!"
"Golem! Hit me!"
"Sounds fun! Sounds fun!"
"Huck Hahaha! I was totally doing it wrong the whole time."
"Please stop that!"
"I... I deserve this."
"And what do we have behind door number three?"
Meanwhile, Seere has been both his legs broken. About par for the course at this point.
"Mmm. No worry about clean up! I've got that covered. I'll even lick the plate!"
"There, you see? Golem is back. My friend."
"Golem! Golem is back."
For the record, dragon: If you crush my legs we're no longer friends.
"Noted in the basic structure of the concept of friendship, Caim."
If nothing, Arioch makes her objectives abundantly transparent.
If only they knew wizards would be the least of their problems during this terrible sidequest.
Kids are Dumb
Seere No Die!
Seere's Prayer Ground Mission
Seere's Prayer Aerial Mission (Probably one of the better tracks in the entire game)
Seere Concept Art