Part 125: Globofglob: Update 18
This month was a quiet one. I continued to keep tabs on my opponents, and successfully started the new guard. THough their training is slow, they are getting better. TowerofOil, in particular, stands out. As of now, he is the most skilled of the new recruits. For all his talk about how he hates the military and such, he's quite good with an axe.
Also, I regret to inform you that sebzilla must have come down with something.
He just stands there, complacently, muttering about glass. Noone has been able to move him. I fear for his sanity if I can't obtain glass. So i've decided. Though we have no sand, we do have rock crystal. I'm going to try and construct some crystal glass to help sebzilla out.
First, I have to build the faculties. A kiln, a glassmaker's workshop, and a wood burner. I have altered some mining plans a previous overseer left behind to make sure their powered by magma, effectively negating the need for fuel.
Galena. Late Summer
The first event this month was unnecessarily violent. It seems Jazzimus Prime, a respected member of the fort, former clerk and overseer, Guardian of the Fortress, has suffocated during training.
Suspected traitor Chance II has also become a legendary champion. This is not helping my mood.
Neither does the fact that we're, apparently, a county now. Never mind that Queen Sankis already lives here, we apparently need more nobles.
The fields are being irrigated, but it's going pitifully slow. It's nearly autumn, but I haven't even prepared a fourth of the required area for farming.
Overall, this has been a very unpleasant month. My rooms are mostly done, though.
I plan to put a few more tables in the dining room, of lesser materials of course, for any guests. Maybe it could use a few more statues, but it's good for now.
I've also finished the rooms for my New Guard. Spermy Smurf's is the biggest, as he's the captain.
The rest are still rather large, 100 feet by 100 feet. I would have them smoothed too, but all of them save for Perfect Potato are far from the required skill level to be free of the economy. I've also converted Silento's old quarters into more rooms for the new guard. He's been rather...uncooperative lately. I think I might replace him as Captain of the Guard too, just to rub salt in the wounds.
With Jazzimus Prime's death, I have one extra room available. I'm split between trying to revive him and just replacing him . Usually I would revive him immediately, but Jazzimus doesn't seem like one to appreciate the sentiment.
Silento has been more and more uncooperative lately. "You can't do this!""This is not in the best intrests of Parasol!" Like I care about your stupid umbrella-fetish, Silento. I'm the damn overseer, not you. And If I need to remove you, I will. Just yesterday, Kgummy even informed me he was given a "special" idol. I looked over it, and there was nothing "special" about it. It's of poorer workmanship, and contains a high percentage of platinum mixed with the adamantium. It's been harder for anyone but lisensed craftsdwarves and New Guard to get after that last order, poor Bobby is grasping at straws.
I think I might have to get rid of him.
Kgummy wrote :-
It was gone. The idol was gone. Globofglob had taken it. He was no longer to be trusted. Kgummy could no longer face Silento. He had broken his promise to Silento. He didn't mean to tell Globofglob about the special idol. It had just slipped out. And he was so close to filling in all the spots on the device. He only had to find one more.
"Avoiding me, aren't you?" The voice startled Kgummy. Silento seemed to have the habit of popping up at... inopportune times.
"O-of course not, Mr. Silento!"
"I know you told. Next time, don't lose it." Silento handed him the idol.
Kgummy meekly gave thanks, and started to walk away.
"I'm not finished yet. I've decided to tell you about your father. Even though you broke the deal." Silento gave a distinctly... undwarfly smile.
"You see, your father isn't exactly a normal dwarf. At least, not anymore. Perhaps it's best if I just showed you." Silento led Kgummy down through the a part of the fortress he had never seen before. To a room full of cages. Cages full of spawn.
"You brought spawn into the fortress!?! Are you crazy?!"
"Crazy? No. Ahead of my time? Perhaps. But as to why I brought you here, I wanted to show you your father. What he has become. And by extension, what you are."
"Yes. Your father is a spawn. And so you too, will become one of us. Feel the love." Silento's attention shifted. "I see you brought the device. Almost completed too. All it needs is one final piece. Which I happen to have." He handed Kgummy the final token. "I know you'll make the right choice."
"You're a spawn?"
"Not quite. Close, and yet different."
Kgummy ran. He didn't know what else he could do. He knew not who to turn to. Perhaps it was luck, but he ran into one dwarf, while fleeing.
MortuusLupus wrote :-
Åblelmat Institute Engineering 402 Final Exam NAME: MortuusLupus PROCTOR: Urist Innokidek WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED THIS EXAMINATION, PLACE IT IN THE APPROPRIATE PROCTOR'S BIN. SUBMITTED TESTS FOUND IN THE INCORRECT BIN WILL RESULT IN FAILURE AND SUMMARY HAMMERING. 1. What materials are required in constructing a standard cold-fluid pump? A block two feet per side, a hollow pipe segment, and an enormous corkscrew. Any material may be used in the construction of these parts. Wooden materials must be regularly inspected for mold and warping, while stone and glass must be checked for chips, cracks, or erosion. 2. Describe how one may generate a perpetual motion machine through the use of moving water. By placing a waterwheel ahead of the output font of a cold-fluid pump, then connecting the main axle of the waterwheel to the power input of the pump. The pump may be started by any means, including a manual laborer, and the fluid must be returned to the fluid input valve once past the waterwheel. 3. Why was the knowledge of building aquaducts banned by the Dwarven Emperor Sankis II? Improperly installed aquaducts would frequently overflow and flood The Momentous Universes with water and magma. In the 3rd Era, 53 instances of global annihilation resulted in a near extinction of life. Sankis II ordered all literature pertaining to the construction of aqueducts, and all who knew the secrets of their construction, sent to the ruins of Koganûsan, and were hammered then locked in with a perpetual magma flood. Over the centuries the magma escaped and cooled, forming the volcano we now call The Fires of Snuggling. 4. How would one construct a device for generating glass in a region without sand? A small amount of magma should be collected in an iron or steel bucket. While it is still hot, approx. 80kg. of biological material should be added, and the mixture allowed to cool, then discard into a refuse pile. It is assumed that the 80kg. of biological material be taken from all or most of the individual issuing the order for the glass' creation. 5. Name three devices which cannot be improved with the addition of mechanical gears and levers. This is a trick question, there are no objects that can't be made better with mechanisms. FINAL EXAMINATION CONCLUDES. REMEMBER, YOUR ENGINEERING FINAL PROJECT PROPOSAL IS DUE BY 15 FELSITE.
sebzilla wrote :-
oh hey they said great a glass-maker thanks for coming to our fortress it must have been quite a trip through the jungle and swamp and desert and mountains and forest and now you're here thats wonderful but ah there's just this one small problem we have no sand because it's a glacier you see so if you don't mind please mr glass-maker can you instead go and count the rocks and the ore and the hammers and the tables and the chairs and the mechanisms and the sceptres and the crowns and the and the axes and the shields and the swords and the food and the beer and the barrels and the bars well I can do more than that I can count everything right down to the last grain of sand in this damn fortress do you know how well I'll tell you it's really very easy because there's none there's no grains of sand here not even one so how the hell am I supposed to make glass it's ridiculous no sand in a fortress this size what are they thinking building a fortress in the middle of a FUCKING GLACIER WITH NO SAND TO MAKE FUCKING GLASS but it's alright I'm the best glass-maker there is I'll find a way maybe I can make glass out of snow or meat or dust or plump helmets or wood or iron or bauxite or gold or nickel or limestone or platinum or silver or copper or adamantium or the FUCKING ICE WHY IS THERE SO MUCH ICE AND NO SAND OH ARMOK WHY DID I COME TO THIS PLACE sometimes sand raiders come but they don't bring sand only death why do they come here if there's no sand they must have some in their pockets I know how hard it is to get rid of sand when you're with it all the time it gets stuck in your fingernails and in your hair and in your eyes and up your nose and in your beard and even up your FUCKING ARSE IF THERE'S ENOUGH OF IT ARMOK KNOWS I'VE EVEN LOOKED TO SEE IF I'VE GOT ANY LODGED UP THERE but I couldn't find any it's all gone now no sand oh Armok why is there no sand I want to make some glass it's going to be the best glass in the world and eeryone will look at it and say hey its that amazing glass that sebzilla made and they'll carve pictures of it on the walls it'll be so brilliant but there's no sand no sand no sand no sand no sand no sand no sand no sand no sand........
Jazzimus Prime wrote :-
I awaken from my dreams. They have been very peaceful for as long as I remember.
After a modest breakfast of plump helmet biscuits and Dwarven whiskey, I make my way over to the barracks for my morning sparring session, just as I always do.
As I enter the barracks, I see Spermy Smurf swinging his backpack back and forth like a great unwieldy leather mace.
There is something about this scene that seems strangely familiar. I watch for a moment, trying to remember. And then, suddenly, something snaps, and all of the memories come flooding back.
Holistic Detective. The demon's face. Globofglob and his adamantine mining project. The adamantine idol!
I had joined Globofglob's "New Guard" but secretly planned to subvert his plans to mine the adamantine, and thereby unleash the servants of the demon imprisoned therein. And upon joining the guard, I received the adamantine idol as a gift, and ... and that is the last thing I can remember.
It must be because of the adamantine idol. Globofglob, or perhaps his comrade Silento Bobarachi (whom I personally believe might in some way be in league with the demon), must have placed some sort of curse on it to wipe my memory. This is the only explanation I can think of.
I realize that I must resume my original mission, I must stop Globofglob from unleashing the demons. But first, I must destroy this adamantine idol that I believe is being used to control me.
Perhaps I should have grabbed a weapon from the barracks before leaving, I think to myself as I head back down the hallway.
The furnaces are empty this early in the morning.
I look around one last time to make sure that nobody else is around to see, and then I throw the adamantine idol into the magma channel beneath the smelters. I then turn and walk into the darkness of the furnace chamber's exit.
Val Helmethead has been standing just outside of the doorway the entire time, watching me. He holds his steel battle axe in his hands. I am unarmed.
He says something about treason against the fortress, and then brings his axe down upon my upper body, splitting my chest and throat asunder.
Val silently walks away from the scene as I collapse in a pool of my own blood, gasping yet unable to breathe. I feel my very life leaving my body, and the feeling is one of utter terror. I do not want to die. I never wanted to leave Talllabored. I never wanted to come to this dreadful place.
Below, the adamantine idol bobs atop the magma, which (as all dwarves know) is not hot enough in this fortress to melt this most noble of metals.
The physical pain begins to fade, all physical sensation gives way to the surreal, but the fear of my impending death remains.
I can see a light at the end of a tunnel of darkness. Could this be some sort of dwarven afterlife?
No. It is not.
It is my fellow dwarf Bobbin Threadbare, carrying a torch in his hand, walking towards the smelters. He sees me and immediately stops in his tracks, a look of utter shock and horror upon his face.
With the last of my strength, I raise my right hand and try to speak to him. Gurgling blood and unable to breathe, however, I fail to make any verbal sound as he gapes at me.
And then, all finally goes dark. I am certain that I hear the sound of the demon chuckling at the very end.