Part 36: Update Thirty Five: Motherfuckin' Monkeys!

Welcome back. Last time, on Earthbound, we did a fair bit of talking (as I had just a little bit of extra footage and wanted to get rid of it without making this update longer), so today, we're actually going to do something. So, let's get started.



We're heading over to the western end of Dusty Dunes desert, and I'm feeling too lazy to walk there.



So, I'm paying the $4 to ride the bus.





We're not really spending much time in the desert itself. We're going back to that hole.



Mole Playing Rough, what're you doin'?



There's a better way, Mole! Don't suicide on me!



Yeergh. I feel kinda bad for the Mole.





Anywho, we're spending our day in the hole here.



Now that Talah Rama is no longer fasting, we can continue on past this point.



In most rooms down here, there are two monkeys standing in front of two doors.



As awesome as it would be, you don't have to duel with monkey guardians to continue further in.



Rather, the monkeys are beggars who want your items. Several people have spoken up to this part being annoying, and it is. It's not too bad if you go in with a few items to get the chain started, but I won't lie; it is kind of a pain in the ass.



But, hand over the item that the monkey wants (it's never anything too outlandish, barring one item), and they'll move.



Sometimes, though, the monkeys don't always move far enough to let you get in the door. If you leave and come back, they default to beside the door. Usually, though, give them a bit of time and they'll move enough to let you through.



Like so.



There are enemies in these tunnels, but they all flee in terror.



I thought Nass and Susan might be powerful enough to auto-win this fight, but they're not. Even though I saw them both one-shot each Tough Mobile Sprout in the fight.



All of the chests in here look like that unique chest we caught a glimpse of in Fourside.



And, apparently, it is just fucking extraordinary when you open one. All of these chests carry something we can use and something that will prove useful.



Another room, two more monkeys.





Oh, silly monkey, speaking English.





A Large Pizza ($238 and ordered from Mach Pizza) will work here. Large Pizzas are really nice healing items, as they restore 240 HP to all party members; that'll completely cover Susan and Kim and is still a ton to Nass.



Cowabunga!



Oh, I don't have one of those. Just you wait, monkey. I'll be back to help.





Most of the items the monkeys ask for aren't very far away from their positions. It's a kindness in a section that's just a pain in the ass.



In the next room, we find a very special monkey.





This is the one item, that we can only acquire in here, that we can't get elsewhere. We now have a concrete goal for this section, besides finding Talah Rama.



He is kind of a jerk when you don't give him the King Banana.



Fuck you, you jerkass monkey. Besides, I don't have a Hamburger.



Just once, can we do a fight to get through this door?



We now have a Protein Drink to give to this monkey.



I'm honestly not sure if he enjoyed it or not. "Bliekki" sounds like a declaration of disgust to me.



There's a Magic Butterfly in this picture. I didn't notice it at first, either.



I was a touch surprised when it was hiding behind the chest. Granted, I'm not any PP down, but relaxation is important.



We needed one of these. Actually, we need three, but one will suffice for now.



I'm trying to keep this interesting, I promise. It's just kind of difficult when it's just a massive fetch/trade chain quest.



At least the monkeys help break up the monotony.



Especially this monkey. He's my favorite.





If I had a Fresh Egg, you'd be the only monkey I'd ever give it to. Sorry, monkey.





This is a girl monkey, so get that thought you just had the hell out of here.



Hey, neither do I!



I like that the girl monkey is polite about it.



Not yet, girl-monkey. I'll return, though.



Way back here, we're going to go along the other part of this cave.



Might? You best open that entrance, monkey, if I give you my Picnic Lunch.





Nice doin' business with you, monkey.



There's that Pizza we needed earlier.



Well, we're safe from sunstroke down here, but if you've been on the surface...



This is your lucky day, sweaty monkey.



I've got what you need.



No problem. It was only like, two rooms away.



Monkonna sounds a lot like "Madonna" to me, but was that the joke they were going for here?



Sure, I've got one. It was back in that tunnel there, though.



So, when the monkeys want to move around in this cave, do they have to do all this trading bullshit?



In the next room, there's another Pizza. Monkonna could have just walked through either tunnel to get a Pizza.





Dragonite, you say?



No, not that. This Dragonite is going to be far more useful.





...Maybe.





Now, were you diligent enough, you could farm Chickens from the unlimited Fresh Eggs this monkey is willing to give you. Chickens sell for $110, so you could gain a nice bit of profit here.



But, fuck that. I'm just going to hurry back to the monkey who wants a Fresh Egg.



I've actually dicked around long enough to get this egg to hatch into a Chick, which is frustrating when you decide to go trade it in.





It's not too far back to where that monkey is, but if you take your sweet-ass time, you'll just have to go back to get another Fresh Egg.



THERE WAS A LIVE CHICKEN IN THAT EGG



In the room behind him, there's an item that we don't have to trade. Oh, baby, we've found something awesome here.



of all creatures (friend or enemy) to their normal levels. Any changes that had taken place to PSI and such is neutralized. It also neutralizes all shields (friend or enemy) that were in effect. (Remember, the abilities I am talking about are Offense, Defense, Guts, etc.)

Yeah, this thing is fucking badass. Throw away the Shield Killer now, you don't need it anymore. I immediately whip this sumbitch into Susan's inventory, and it is never leaving it.



Alright, back to working our way through the cave.



Our second Hamburger that we need to trade...



...And the Ruler for Girl Monkey.



In the next room, we find an immediate use for that Hamburger.



Oh, dear.



Maybe...But if the monkey next to you loves Hamburgers, too...



The dialog is the same for this monkey.



I give the Hamburger to the monkey we originally talked to.



And for good reason. The Flame Pendant is a body-armor upgrade.



In addition to a nice boost to defense, it also protects against (surprise, surprise) fire attacks.



Another Hamburger, another room opened up.



Another item for Susan; this repairs into the Hungry HP-sucker (hits all enemies in battle), which I'm sure I'll find about as useful as the regular HP-sucker, which is why I'm mentioning it now instead of waiting for Susan to repair it.



I'm cutting some of this out, but I don't think anyone will really mind.



Goddammit, why were these guys just outside the door?



But, hey, I won't complain about a level!

For this level, oh, baby! Offense +3, defense +1, speed +2; oh, baby! Guts +3, vitality +2, IQ +2, luck +1 and sweet! HP +26!

Daaaaamn, Susan, that was a hell of a nice level.



Ruler Monkey just wanted to measure her tail. I bet it's longer than average.



She was guarding another girl monkey.



Well...No, not really. I mean, I've heard of the concept before, but not actual teleportation.



Um, what? How does that--



Whatever. It's Earthbound, you'd think I'd be used to that shit by now.



Outta my fuckin' way, Man K. Man!



Another Hamburger.



And a Picnic Lunch.



I don't remember or care what this monkey wanted. This is the only section of the game that I honestly dislike. It's the game's only really "why!?" section, as everything else makes some sort of sense within the narrative. This is just obtrusive, a pain in the ass, and serves no purpose but to pad out the time before you rescue Kim. Oh, and the music is fairly "meh", too.



But, hey, Dragonite is cool.



No, not you! Get the hell out of here!





that friend turns into a dragon and attacks all enemies. Gone after one use.

Dragonite is a pretty kick-ass item. There's a very limited number of bags in the game; I think you can count the number on bags on one hand. This is extremely fucking rare and very powerful.



Anyways, we're at the end--



What the fuck is that?



Oh, GodDAMMIT!



Get the hell out of my way, sprouts.



DON'T EVEN TRY IT MOLE





Right now was not the time to act all billy-badass!



TRACY GET THAT GODDAMNED PENCIL ERASER OVER TO ME



Take your money and get the hell out of my face!



GODDAMMIT MOLE PLAYING ROUGH!



Alright, we're back down here and I've lowered my blood pressure.



That wasn't for comedic purposes; I straight up forgot I needed the Pencil Eraser down here.



Here we are, in the final room of the cave. Before we talk to Talah Rama, though...





Let's rob his ass blind. Brain Food Lunches are badass. They restore around 300 HP and 50 PP to whoever eats it.



And now, let's talk to the big man himself.



He reminds me of the philosophy class I took in college.



Just kind of bullshit your way through sentences, but make them seem deep and meaningful.



: Susan and Poo, when these four powers gather, twisted space will bring back peace to the world. Do you understand? It doesn't matter. Proceed as you wish. Open the treasure box and take what is inside with you.

Way ahead of you on that front, chief.



: Someone left it behind in this hole.



Yeehaw, we got what we needed. We're now one step closer to saving Kim.



: I'll give you a special skill to help you move through space as you wish. Learn the skill from the monkey over there... Would you like to learn this special power?

: Yes! My shoes are starting to get pretty worn out.



: there.



And so we do. Monkeys are awesome.



Even though we had to walk all the way out. Oh, well. It's not like it wasn't a particularly long walk.



Oh, Goddammit.



Eh...That makes it almost worth it.



I'm not sure how a demonstration is going to work; if you just teleport, no matter how closely we're watching, won't you just...Disappear?





Teleportation is just as useful as it sounds.



That's the only downside to it, though, but even that is fairly minor as far as limitations go.



The monkey rushes off, just as the one (or was it this same monkey?) did in Fourside.



He's standing right behind the text box, if you're wondering.





This is helpful for being able to teleport when even in slightly cramped quarters.



Alright, I'll give it a shot.



I like how Susan can't keep up. Like Nass is willing to ditch his ass in the desert to go to Winters.



Fucking sweet. We can go anywhere we've been now, including Winters. So, let's do that, shall we?



Huh? Oh, yeah, sure, monkey. Thanks!



Teleport Alpha costs 2 PP. For most cities, it drops you off in front of the hotel. However, for Winters, we just get dumped in front of the shop.



However, that's exactly where I wanted to go here.



But first, another monkey!





Eh, I'm sure he's fine. But I hope he doesn't want any gum, because I whipped that into storage.



: Lake Tess.) Kri kekko kya ko (I'm really worried that the mad doctor will use him in a crash test.)

Bah, I doubt it'd really hurt him. He's got 999 HP, y'know.



But, in the shop, there's a few upgrades.



I need a bit of extra cash, so this should suffice.



Susan gets a Coin of Silence, and another boost to his defense.



I really like that they automatically ask if you want to resell your old equipment; it helps with inventory management and you immediately recoup some of your losses.



Now, were I insane, I could have used Susan as a grinding tool and whipped up enough cash to buy this when we played as him, to give Nass quite a boost to his offense for quite a while.



But, I decided not to, as to give this game a fair representation using the equipment they want you to use.



Nass gets himself a Coin of Silence. It just raises defense and luck by a bit, but doesn't provide any protection against enemies who can interrupt your concentration. As far as I know, there's no defense against that.



Anyways, back to Fourside.



This is how spinning-style teleportation works. It takes a bit of room and seems faster, but that gif is just as long as the first teleportation gif. I don't think there's any speed difference.



And as our last thing of the day, let's get Electra that yogurt machine.



I gues--





What kind of torture are you guys inflicting on Kim? I'm not a particular fan of yogurt to begin with and I'm not a seafood kind of guy either, so combining these two makes me want to barf.



: Don't forget to drop by!



Yes, yes, I understood you the first time!



This is where we're stopping off today. Next time, on Earthbound, we're going to rescue Kim, so stay tuned!