Part 53: Update Fifty Two: All Their Base Belong To Me
Yep, I did make the Halloween Hack. If you do play it, keep in mind that I made it a while ago. I'm not sure what any of you were like when you were 16 years old, but...? Maybe it'll help put things in perspective.
Holy shit, that clears up about...2345325 questions I would have had. At first, I honestly believed it had to be a self-aware project, but I know at 16, I wrote some shit that I thought was just the bee's knees, but looking back, it's more like the walrus' testicles.
Welcome back. Last time, on Earthbound, we left off here.
So, let's see about rescuing our friends.
Not only are they trapped in there, with no hope of escape, they're also slowly dying. Earthbound is a quirky, fun, not-so-serious game, and then something like this happens.
At least Mr. Saturn is okay.
Or is he?
Here's Tony. He's still safe, thankfully.
He's got a lot of love for Susan, too. Don't worry, buddy, we're going to go save your asses right now.
The big boss around here is a Starman, but he's a special one.
Not because he can talk, no. Starman Jr. could do that.
: Apple of Enlightenment may be true... but you must not *whirr* underestimate us.
I could offer you the same advice, pal.
The Starman Deluxe, in addition to having spikes and pointy shoes that make me think of Aladdin, is basically just an upgraded Starman, as his name would imply.
He also starts with a PSI Shield Beta up, which reflects PSI damage back at you. Considering that half our team is PSI power hitters, this is a bad thing that needs to be gotten rid of.
However, the jackass just reapplies his PSI shield, so I'm going to just beat his ass, like middle-schoolers would do to the albino kid in school.
He's got a pretty good defense, with 1400 HP to rip through. We've also seen half of his PSI power repertoire so far.
As far as regular physical attacks go, Nass can't be beaten. This is also a testament to how high the defense of the Starman Deluxe is.
While nearly useless, at the least the Sword of Kings ups Poo's damage output.
The Heavy Bazooka gives absolutely zero fucks about his defense, though.
For some reason, Deluxe decided to reapply his Shield Beta; he can also call in the regular Starman and the Starman Super, for added pain in the ass potential.
I continue wailing on him, as he resists all forms of PSI, and since Thunder still doesn't have the best hit rate, I'd rather not waste the PP. Granted, I could just use the Neutralizer on him again, but this is working out A-OK in my book.
For whatever reason, Poo slicing and dicing on the Starman Deluxe with a sword is such a and image in my mind. That's the best thing about having the Sword of Kings, I think, is that it can provide some rockin' ass images.
On the same token, a teenager just grabbing a baseball bat and wailing on whatever alien menace is around is also pretty fucking awesome to me. I also think of all of Nass' bats as being wooden, too, just for that extra manly factor.
I don't think I even need to mention that it's awesome that we have our genius from Winters just blowing this guy's ass to Kingdom Come from a home made bazooka, repaired from some shit he found sitting around in a box.
The Starman Deluxe only has this for a physical attack.
He's got plenty of power behind that attack, too. If he had bothered to use his other attack, there'd be even more power behind that.
Our party barely has access to that attack, and I only use it in rare situations.
Because it's a touch expensive, and generally not needed.
That attack is, as I'm sure I've made you wonder is
Starstorm Alpha. If you'll recall how much damage it did to Master Barf, that's right around its average damage. Which means, on average, it's more than capable of completely fucking up 3/4th's of my party entirely, so I'd rather avoid that.
But, hey, at least I tried to give this guy a fair shake. Kind of. The Heavy Bazooka almost isn't fair, so I went as fair as I was comfortable with, just in case Starstorm Alpha came flying my way.
Though, sweet Jesus, that's a nice chunk of exp. If he had used Starstorm Alpha, that'd potentially leave Nass the only survivor. So, Nass could have gained 160,524 exp. all to himself, assuming I screwed the pooch on healing everyone else up.
I assure you, had a single character gained that much exp., there would have never been another update, as my heart would have given out. I feel a touch light-headed just thinking about it.
Just think, there'd be so many of these if Nass had survived solo...
For this level, Nass gained +2 offense, +1 defense, +1 guts, +1 vitality, +1 IQ, +1 luck, +13 HP and +4 PP.
Alright, yeah, we saved the motherfuckin' day!
Oh, sorry. I panicked a little there. I'm not good with the shakey-shakey.
But, everyone is free!
: enough... That's what I thought, but I began to lose hope... I'm so glad you saved me after all.
Hey, no problem, man. Though, couldn't you have lowered the binoculars while you were all bloobing around in that tank?
Hey, for you, Mr. Saturn, it was an honor to save you.
Oh, you don't have to reward me!
But I'll certainly take it.
It's a very nice ribbon, yes. Susan gets Kim's old Souvenir Coin.
Which is a much welcomed boost for him. 30 defense isn't anything to sneeze at.
Well, fuck you, too, Apple Kid. See the next time I rescue your ass from certain death.
While that's true, you could be a touch more appreciative, you dickhole.
Wait a second here, shithead. I know your social skills suck, but we have something to talk about.
Yeah, I need it to help out some really shy dudes.
That's pretty much all we need to know. The only other noteworthy things he says is this:
That might be my favorite line in the entire game.
: I want to start on the Phase Distorter as soon as possible. ...Oh, I almost forgot to thank you. Thank you.
All in a day's work, Doc. Good luck with your new invention.
Bah, it's only saving the world and alla that.
Let's see what Mr. T has to say about all of this.
Huh, aliens really do go for people that live out in BFE.
If you consider massive amounts of pain and their death a ransom, they got one hell of a ransom for you.
I suppose being rescued from aliens would be a pretty happen moment for me.
Well, that's...Quite an expectant expectation for your life expectancy.
I'll admit it right now; Tony has a bit of a soft spot in my heart.
It's obvious just how much love he holds for Susan, and I'm a sucker for that kind of friendship.
That's all Tony has to say, but it's still enough. You're welcome, Tony. Anytime you need a rescue, you let me know and I'll be there.
Anyways, we're done here in the Stonehenge Base.
Sure, I could walk out, but fuck that.
All the enemies are gone, so there's no reason to backtrack. Unless you missed some loot, but as long as you snagged the Pixie Bracelet and the Sword of Kings, you've gotten the most important things in here.
Outside, we're accosted by a bear and two Cave Boys.
These guys should have heard the screams of death from down below and cleared outta here.
Wow...Remember when that was a good bit of exp. to gain? Man, that was a while ago, huh?
We're heading back to the lab for now.
Thanks, mouse. You've done an excellent job.
quiet as a mouse.
I wonder what he's going to do there. No matter what it is, it'll be a good time.
Ah, free full-heals. There's so many available to us now, we're never going to have to pay for a room ever again.
Holy shitnuggets, Dad! I think you just paid for an entire college education!
We're going to leave off here. Next time, we're going to the library and we're going to help out the Tenda Tribe.