Part 23: Poo on peace

Last time, we crashed our airship.



However, Galuf has survived falls from greater heights without permanent injury, so we should be fine.



In case we forgot where we were going, Matt is only too happy to fill us in. Sorry, man, I'm not trading my moogle for a bear.



MrThou likes to pretend he's still relevant and



...Bruce is still useless. Good to know!



The ship went down on the western side of the continent, but it's not as bad as it may look; there's a hidden chocobo stable in the upper left corner of this image.



Isn't it adorable



And that's all it takes to get to Vector, but what the hell is this? When I said to paint the town red, I didn't mean literally...



Oh, it's just on fire. My bad.





It's full of very confused soldiers. I can't believe no one actually saw what happened. I mean, MOTEHRFUCKING BAHAMUT is pretty hard to miss.



Yeah, I can just believe the empire will buy that excuse.


...!
Did the espers do this!? No, they couldn't have...!

Banon is pretty dumb.

Anyway, now that all the imperials are dead and such, we should loot the royal palace because none of these idiots seem to have realized that it's the proper thing to do.

Also, if we find a Kefka-shaped stain somewhere, we may just stop and piss on it.



Unfortunately we are intercepted by one of the emperor's sith lords.



The emperor has realized that war is only fun as long as you're picking on someone weaker than you and stops being amusing when they have the power to nuke your cities from orbit.



Either that, or Cid is even more persuasive than I gave him credit for.



The espers came to save their friends...
When they learned that none of them were alive, they ravaged the entire city...
I'll never forget their shrieks of rage...

Couldn't have happened to a nicer empire!



The power of those espers... I had no idea.

Non-spoiler: Gestahl is full of shit.

They'll destroy the entire world if we don't do something. We're utterly helpless against them.

Yeah, I'm just going to sit over here munching popcorn while you try to unfuck the mess you created. Good luck!

We must find a way to calm their rage.

I hear Bahamut responds well to blood sacrifices performed on an altar made of the skulls of his enemies. And. Well. I would suggest using Gestahl as the sacrifice, but it's not as if anyone would miss Bruce.

Men should never lust after power they lack the means to control...

"...of course, if we had the means to control them, what we're doing would be entirely justified!"



I am not your friend <>


Please, talk to as many as you can before dinner. Make them understand!



goddamn the empire's dinner invitations suck

Shouldn't Banon and Jarvis be handling this shit? And if they want to fight, well, Banon can heal them to death or something.



...damn it all.



So now we have to run around talking to soldiers. Well, we could stand around and pick our noses for four minutes instead if we feel like it, but...



To answer the previous question: this is how tough we are.



No, no.

We are better.





Some of the soldiers actually seem to be buying it OOPS SPOILERS _{it is not a spoiler that the empire will betray us the moment it gets half a chance}.



Also, there's loot.



Good to know, I'll drop by and throw rocks at him later.



Oh, and there's this guy.

Yes, he's on the toilet.

One extremely short fight later...



...heh.



Anyway, there's 24 soldiers to talk to all in all, which is pretty doable in four minutes even with the ones you have to... persuade.



I'm not sure what would be more hilarious, this or putting Bruce in the lead.



Hell yes, sit with us, we're much cooler than those other guys.


To what shall we raise our glasses?



Here's a thing.

This entire event is a minigame.

You're being scored for everything you do. Talking to the soldiers gets us points, and answering these questions gets us points depending on the answers.

To get the most points, we'll say "homelands" here.

Well then... To our homelands!
As you may know, I've imprisoned Kefka for his crime of using poison against Doma.
What do you think should be done with him?

It's a choice between staying in prison, execution and being let go. We'll say he should rot in prison, although I know what I'd prefer...

I see...
Well, let's let him stew in his cell for a while... Then we can decide what to do.

I think he says the same line regardless of your answer.


No one ever dreamed Kefka would use poison.

Psychotic clown.

Yeah, I bet that came as a real big surprise.



This is the right answer.

I'm terribly sorry about what was done.
I promise to punish Kefka severely and to work to eradicate poisons all over the world.

Herp-a-derp.

By the way... With regard to General Meryl...

Speaking of poison, you mean?



Because this is a JRPG, we BELIEVE IN OUR FRIENDS!

Kefka was lying.
General Meryl realized the lunacy of this war long before I did and went over to your side.
Was there anything else you wanted to ask?






With your permission, I'd like to move on to discussing the espers...



At this point, we go back and ask the other two questions, because we get points for doing so. Once we're done...


They're just too powerful... If we don't do something, they'll tear the entire world apart!



Despite the fact that they left most of the town standing and you're the ones they have a reason to hate, I'm not really buying it. Also, while the second option may seem tempting, it's the first one we get points for, so...

When the espers came through on their rampage, all of my ambitions faded in an instant.

Gestahl is a lying scumbag

Now I find myself asking why I ever wanted that much power in the first place.
Of course, there is no excuse for the atrocities I committed in the name of conquest.
By the way... what was the first question you asked me a minute ago?



And this is why I did them in order. vv

Right...
Anyway, I truly desire peace. I want you to understand that.




This is the right answer.



Beat up more imperials? Don't mind if I do!



Just as I thought, too.



So after getting up and beating up his guards in the middle of dinner, we get back to our chat with the emperor.

Is there anything you wish to hear me say?



I'd pay good money to see him sing "I'm a little teapot, short and stout" but it's not on the menu. There's a subtle difference between the first two choices, but this is the one they want.

All right. I swear right here and now that there will be no more fighting.

Gestahl is a lying scumbag

And now, I have a favor to ask...
After they attacked us, the espers flew off northward, towards Crescent Island.
We have no way of knowing when they'll decide to go on another rampage.
We need to find them and convince them to set aside their aggression before that happens.
But... considering all that the Empire has done to them, I doubt they'll be willing to listen to us.
That's why... I need to borrow Aeris's power.


I have a Magitek armor transport ship moored in the port of Albrook...
I had hoped to send it to Crescent Island with all haste.



Points, points, all for the points, even if it's not as if we can refuse them no matter what we say.

I'll have my top general and some of his troops accompany you as well. General Leo!


I'll be waiting for you in Albrook.



---



Indy... Thank you.

The rest of you stay here. I smell a rat...

Apparently the Returners aren't quite as dumb as your average JRPG protagonists, even though they're about to sail off on a ship loaded with Magitek armour on a mission of peace.

As do I... It's hard to trust the emperor just like that...

We'll remain here and watch for anything out of the ordinary.

; Thanks. You'll be our eyes and ears. Keep your guard up!

Right. You be careful, too!

---



As we're about to leave, one of the sith lords stops us to deliver the reward for being awesome in the last segment.


...the emperor has decided upon the following.
All Imperial troops will be withdrawn from South Figaro immediately.
In addition, Imperial forces will be withdrawn from the kingdom of Doma.
We will also unlock the armory at the Imperial observation post to the east.
You are welcome to any of the weapons and armor within.
And this is a personal gift from the emperor...



The emperor gives shitty gifts.






This reduces random encounters by 25%.

It's not as good as it could be, but damn if every little bit doesn't help.



That's the best reward; the less points you get, the less stuff you get. If you really fuck it up, you'll only free South Figaro.


The plan is to leave for Crescent Island from Albrook on a transport ship carrying Magitek armor...
We'll keep a close watch on the Empire. You deal with the espers!

Our friends are wandering about the place.



Speaking of Kefka, he's actually in one of the cells.









As charming as always.


Please go with him to Crescent Island and find those espers...

We can also wander around the place and pick up any treasure we might have missed and chat up the soldiers, but there's not much to be had. Instead: back to Vector.



Vector is still on fire and there's still people running around like headless chickens. You'd think they would have done something about that while we were chilling in the palace.



Eh.



Matt is a clever man! It's a pity we can't take him with us.



Bruce is hanging out at the pub.

I don't even know what to say.



Fun fact: Galuf is only 12 years old, but if we count it as dog years, he's definitely old enough to drink.



And here is the sweet, sweet treasure room we could see but not touch before.

Contents of:
20000 gil
Hermes Sandals
Hi-Ether
X-Potion
Angel Wings
8000 gil
Angel Ring
Elixir
Alarm Earring
13000 gil
Reflect Ring...



...and a sword.

Fuck yeah.



And if we walk all the way back to the flyboat, we'll find Condoman trying to help Gambit fix it...



Let me help you! I know my way around an engine!



...and Gambit stubbornly refusing to let him.

You know, we could really speed this baby up if we axed the casino and streamlined her a bit...



Oh well... Would've been at least twice as fast, too... Maybe three times...

If we had crashed at twice the usual speed, there wouldn't have been much left to fix.



It may be hard to believe, considering how I live now, but I used to be a driven man.

...Really?

"you don't have to sound that surprised"

I wanted to make this the fastest ship in the world, and fly it across the open sky...
That was always my dream.

Is that any different from what you're doing now?

Back then, there was a person who kept me working towards my dream...
The pilot of the Falcon, the fastest airship ever made.
At times we were friendly rivals, and at times we were simply friends.

"you fucked like bunnies didn't you"

"Hush."

We'd always talk about our dreams...
Like which of us would be the first to sail beyond the sky to the stars.
But then she vanished along with the Falcon, and that was the end of youthful dreams.



And there we go: completely optional and easily missable backstory.



Next up: Curio cabinets.