Final Fantasy VIII Part #51 - Part Fifty-One: Just, Fuckin'...Thirty Goddamn Pianos

Part 51: Part Fifty-One: Just, Fuckin'...Thirty Goddamn Pianos

Part Fifty-One: Just, Fuckin'... Thirty Goddamn Pianos

Squall's in bed right now, so we're gonna be Irvine for a bit.

You actually use every member of the present-day party on the map at some point in this game. Quistis and Rinoa in Deling City, Zell and Irvine in the D-District Prison, and Selphie in the Missile Base. Yes, we've used Irvine before, but I didn't pay attention at the time.

: Ahem! We'll be holdin' the concert as planned. The performance isn't just for us, though. It's also for Squall. Y'know, to congratulate him on his recent promotion.

There's the plot thread for this next little bit.

: Sounds fun.

: So, who's gonna perform?

Well, Selphie said earlier she had her eye on some people.

: We are.

: Yeah right.

: You're kidding.

The idea of these guys forming a band goes down like a lead zeppelin.

It takes a couple seconds for Zell and Quistis to work out that she's serious.

Rinoa's more into it.

: Let's just give it a try. We have everything ready and all we need is 4 people.

Hey, there's even one extra.

: This is gonna be fun!

We can finally form the ultimate band: five synths.

Of course Selphie has to exclude the person most into the idea.

: You're leaving me out?

Look, you just don't have the proper military training to be in this band.

: Uh-uh. We have something more important for you to do.

At this point, the topic having changed, Zell gets aggressive about being selected to play.

: Even if you hand us instruments, we won't be able to do anything.

Selphie is planning to blow people's minds with four complete musical strangers exploring the sonic soundscape.

By the way, this is what passes for a Garden Festival at this crashed-into-FH shitheap of a Garden.

It's fuckin' disgusting, is what it is.

: There's supposed to be only 4 scores that go with the composition, but I got 8 scores here.

: What does that mean?

Eight synths.

: So we have to find the 4 original scores to perform the composition that Selphie has. Only way we're gonna find 'em is to play all 8 scores and see.

Well, I guess it could mean that.

: So I want you guys to pick up an instrument, one person at a time, and play it.

Remember how these guys are all amateurs, and have no reason to be able to even read music, much less play instruments?

Well, if you do, fuck off, we're doing this now.

: Let's get started.

So, at this point, you get a list of instruments that you can make Zell play. As indicated, there are eight. Because everything is bullshit, none are the synth.

Zell can tap dance.

Irvine, though?

He is fucking out. Call me back when you get a Moog, idiots.

So, yeah. This whole sequence takes about a minute if you just do what you're supposed to, but instead you can fuck off into town.

Nobody's around, though.

Well, not nobody. Fisherkid and the shopkeeper are chillin' here.

It's called the classic "ditch your friends while Zell tap dances" prank. Kids these days.

Over at the shop, I can see an upgrade for Irvine's gun, but I can't do anything about it.

Meanwhile, someone's started a FHorums thread about how they think Irvine's about to shoot up the place.

: Rifle......And a coat? Geez, it might be some hardcore assassin...

Here's a fun fact: you can get paid when you're Irvine. Any time except the past.

There's nothing new here, though, so fuck it.

Look who's still around.

Also, there's a thought box in this screen that I didn't see before, and I couldn't get to pop up again so I could check what it said. Fill it in with your own dialogue, I guess.

I wonder if Irvine knows this guy. The case for: all soldiers in an army know each other.

See? They're chatting casually. This guy was in Irvine's Intro to Gun Shooting class or something.

You can tell he knows Irvine because he's ready to fight.

Galbadian Officer: Oh...it's just you?

He's pretty confident for being one of the game's shittiest enemies.

Irvine has no junctions on at present, but I'm still sure he could take on one Elite Soldier.

: (Oh man. He's really pissed off.)
Galbadian Officer: You're not goin' anywhere 'til I wring your neck.

: (He sounds serious...Better make a run for it.)

Irvine, being a Galbadian soldier, is far more worried than any SeeD would be.

: Bye now!
Galbadian Officer: What!!!?

This guy has been waiting for five years to kick Irvine's ass.

: Oh, come on, man. Give me a break. I'm really tired.
Galbadian Officer: I told you to step outside!!!

Christ, what an asshole.

The Grease Monkey is worried about Irvine's safety, not being aware of how much of a trash enemy Galbadians are.

Might as well, right?

...Nothing's happening.

...Oh.

Probably tried to do a somersault over the stairs.

Editor's note: as pointed out by Lynx and Vil in the thread, you can also rummage through the soldier's pockets and grab 5 Pulse Ammo. Pulse Ammo is the most powerful ammo for Irvine's Limit, but it's also important for making Squall's ultimate weapon, which requires 12. The 5 here make it easier to get that weapon early because you don't have to play cards as much; you can get it by Deling City if you play enough cards.

Even though Galbadians are punks to SeeDs, it's kind of impressive that some mechanic would be able to beat one.

This guy's modest about it, though.

Grease Monkey: Oh, I got somethin' for you. Here.

A pretty decent reward, considering we did nothing.

You ungrateful prick!

Grease Monkey: Well, I'll be seein' ya.

And that's the end of that.

While we're Irvine, there's some stuff to do at the Garden, but first we can chat with this guy.

: Them?
Familiar Face #3: Those warmonger SeeDs.

Oh, them.

Buckle up, it's time for Irvine to tell us a story.

: ...A lone ranger. I was alone in my battles: my battles against pressure, my battles against death. It almost drove me nuts at times.

Irvine is the same age as the rest of them; when we went to Deling City, it was probably his first real mission.

But he's making a point, so I'll let it slide.

Familiar Face #3: Then you are one of them. Another warmonger.

Irvine doesn't care much about this guy's opinion.

: And you...judging us... Who are you?

He doesn't have anything to say after that.

Now, let's head back to Garden.

Some girl around thinks Irvine is cool, I guess.

But he's not a hit with everyone.

Kadowaki's just confused.

Also, if you go to the quad, you can see that the stage is missing because they've moved it out to FH.

There's some other incidental stuff for Irvine from people around (also, Garden's still out of hot dogs).

You can also go to the library for a little scene.

I don't think Irvine would really be allowed to check out books from the Balamb Garden library.

Yes?

Booyaka: How is... Zell doing...?

Irvine is very impressed that a girl likes Zell.

Booyaka: Oh good...

Well, that was fun.

This little bit with Irvine also finally gives us the chance to be on this side of the classic "B&E Squall's room" prank.

...He's asleep.

Well, there's nothing else to do, so let's go check up on Zell.

Man, your feet must kill.

: Next.

You know what? I think this band could use two tap dancers.

Fuck you, Irvine.

Anyway, you have to choose instruments for everyone here.

The only really interesting bit is that it shows people actually playing. When you hear the little musical bits, you should be able to put them together, since all the parts from a piece sort of sound alike (quelle surprise).

For the purposes of this LP, I'm making four different bands. The first band is:

Zell on tap,

Irvine on sax,