The Let's Play Archive

Halo 2

by Cooked Auto

Part 16: Let's Play Halo 1 & 2 bonus Material #1 - Halo Thumbnail Theater Part 1

Let's Play Halo 1 & 2 bonus Material #1 - Halo Thumbnail Theater Part 1
Otherwise known as: Trying to sum up the history of the Halo universe.

Somewhere in the universe…
Hey guys, what should we do with this ancient relic of a ship that we have? I propose we use it for the better of our people.
No! We shall revere it as the sacred relic it is. Its usage is forbidden!
How wrong can you be in this matter?!
I am not!
Yes you are!

*Civil war happens.*

Hey guys, what should we do with this thing? I mean it is too sacred to destroy. Hey wait, what are those guys doing?
Yoink! We'll be taking this ship with us and leave you behind. So long suckers!
Pox upon you! May the gods take your souls!
Now that we have gotten rid of those losers we can create our own empire and rule the… Oh shit. There are only a thousand of us on this ship. We need to fix that somehow.

Meanwhile on Sanghelios…
Behold my brethren and look upon the gifts bestowed upon us by our gods.
But what shall we do with these my brother? Surely we cannot defile these sacred artifacts with our hands. They are gifts from our gods and not mere toy.
You speak words of truth my brother, we shall lock these away and build a religion around worship of these sacred artifacts.
Wise words my brother. Wise words.

Time passes…
Sup guys, who knew we'd encounter another race out here.
Well met. Wait, is that sacred artifacts from the gods that you are using there?
Why yes, we use them for our own needs and purposes.
Heresy! You dare defile such artifacts with your hands. Prepare to die!

*Cue the Elite-Prophet war.*

Rawr. I smash puny heretic!
Haha! I strike from nowhere!

The war goes on for a while longer...

So, I and the lads have been talking and we've come to the conclusion that we're running the risk of exterminating each other unless we join forces.
Aye, we have come to the same conclusion. We have decided to allow the usage of the sacred artifacts among our religion. So let us join forces for the good of us all.
We shall the unions' spiritual leaders.
While we shall be its military backbone. And don't try any funny business or we'll stomp you again. Because we can if we want to.
Okay. I promise. No funny business. (Mental note: Deal with that issue in the future.)

And the Covenant was born.
According to our ancient texts we must undertake the Great Journey in order to ascend into godhood very much like the ones before us. So we must search the universe for the seven sacred rings to start this ascension. So let us being our search!

Time passes once more and the Covenant grows.

Rawr! Join us or die!
We join! We join!
Rawr! Join us or die!
We give up!
Rawr! Join us or die!
We give! (We still hate you though.)
I see an opportunity rising.
Rawr! Join us or die!
We give!
Rawr! Join us or die!
We give!
Didn't have a good enough image of the drones to use

Time goes on...

Guys, we haven't found jack shit of these Sacred Rings. Do they even exist?
Rest assured they do. Our sacred texts say so.
Okay then.

Meanwhile, in Human controlled space.

What are we going to do about all these rebels?
Don't worry; I've got just the tool for this.
Hi, my name is John and I'm only seven years old.
Hi John, I'm here to kidnap you and other kids for this super secret program. Yoink!
Waah, where are we? I want my mommy.
You have been chosen to become humanity's salvation. You are my Spartans.

On the colony world of Harvest.

Holy Charity, this planet is teeming with artifacts. Quick call the others!
(Prophet of Truth) Hm, what's this? A planet teeming with artifacts from the Forerunners? I see an opportunity rising for some power gain. But how to hide this from the Elites? Oh wait. I know. Psst.
What would you say for some chance for extra power?
Hell yeah. Anything really.
Okay, head over to this planet then and take it for us.
Sure thing.

On Harvest.
Greetings. We come in peace.
But we don't. RAWR!

Meanwhile on High Charity.

We must seek the blessing of the oracle residing in the sacred ship.
Greetings. I am the caretaking AI of this ship. Oh what's this you've found?
It is information of sacred artifacts we've found.
Oh you silly aliens, you've got it all wrong. What you've found isn't artifacts but the humans.
Say what?!
Why yes, these are Reclaimers or living Forerunners.
Impudence! How dare he say that we are not the gods chosen people?! But wait. I have a plan!
Hah! It's a coup d'état!

Hierarchs: Gasp! We must step down.

And now I shall be known as the Prophet of Truth.
And I'm Mercy.
And I'm Regret.
And we now declare humans as filthy heretics that must be destroyed in the name of the Great Journey.

Start of the Human-Covenant war.


*Second battle for Harvest*

Preston Cole: Hah-ha!
Ow, that hurt.

In 2531.

*Third Battle for Harvest*

Sup guys, we're back.
Oh no.
Take that!
Run away!

*Battle for Arcadia*

Take that!
And take that!
Curses. Foiled again. But we have your scientist. Neener neener.
After them!

*Battle for the Shield World*

Shield World: I am mysterious. Ooooooo. (Sadly no good images representing Shield worlds exist.)
Blargh. We infect you!
Pfft, who cares. We're blowing up your sun while we get the fuck out of here.
Blargh. We're dead.
Shit, we don't have a FTL engine anymore. Anyone know a good book or two?


Hey gang, let's investigate this station for rebel activity.
Kurt, Kelly, Fred: Okay!
Haha! They have fallen into our trap.
Kurt: Oh no. I'm drifting into space.
Kelly, Fred: Kurt!
Hah! We have now kidnapped you for our own needs. You are to train our new Spartan IIIs.
Kurt: Do I have any other choice?
Kurt: Okay then.

The Human-Covenant war goes on a couple of more years.

Take this!
Aiie! Demons!

*In 2535*

Preston Cole: The Cole protocol states that if you are to run home crying, do not run directly home.

*On the planet Onyx*

Kurt: First batch of Spartan-IIIs are done.
Excellent, we shall now waste them all.

*OP: Prometheus*

We may have died, but we won anyway. Hah.

*On Onyx*

Here, have a new batch of trainees.
Kurt: Okay then.

[b}The War goes on and on. The usual stuff happens.[/b]

Kurt: New batch done.

*OP: Torpedo*

Take that!
Ow! And you take this!

*On Onyx*

Here, have another bunch of trainees.*
Kurt: What's up with this really?
Tom: Hi, were your new assistant drill instructors.
Lucy: …

*In 2547*

So we have these really awesome guys that are really kicking their Covenants ass.
Really? Awesome! We can win this!

In AD 2552, war was happening.

*Battle for Sigma Octanus IV*

Take this!
Huh, I wonder what these odd glyphs mean.

*On Reach*

Is everyone here?
Think so. No wait, we're missing three of us.
Oh well, doesn't matter anyway. Here let me introduce you to someone.
Hi guys. I'm going to be your assistant for a secret mission.
Fun bunch of people you've made here.
You'll learn to love them later.
Now about that mission…
Hah! We've found you! Take this!
Oh shit.
Oh hell no! I'm outta here.
Hm, I wonder what these coordinates we found earlier will take us.

To be continued...
I was planning to do cover the rest up to Halo 3 as well. Would depend on if people want to see more that is. Can't say I have the greatest sense of humor...
Hm. I may have to get a different image for the Spartan IIs. Noticing that the logo blends in too much with the normal background.