Part 7: Episode 7: The Christmas Thieves Strike! A Desperate Struggle

That guard mentioned armor, right? Which means…
They’ve brought some sort of vehicle, like a truck or something.
It matters not. My elite Le Bel security will have them neutralized in a matter of seconds.

As Sakuya finished his declaration, his butler approached once again.

You see? This is what happens to those who stand against the Le Bel family. Hah hah hah!
Sakuya, wait! That’s not what he said!
He said “were”, not “have”!
Wh…what…!?
Indeed, sir.

Any further outbursts from Sakuya were silenced by the sound of an approaching vehicle.
The music stops.

This noise… Something’s coming!

I looked down the street to see what was coming towards us, and I could hardly believe my eyes.

L-look at that!



It’s the Christmas Thieves!
In a… tank…!?
WOW! They weren’t bringing just a truck!
This is… way more than I expected!!
Merry Christmas! (We’re stealing the tree! We’re stealing the tree!)


The two of them entered the tank and began to roll forward once again.

Gah… What do we do? It’s headed right tow--



Sakuya was interrupted by a tank shell that flew right in front of him.

They brought live ammunition!?
Stop! Stop! What sort of demons would damage my beautiful mansion!?
There are still birds inside! I’ll go get them out of there!
They blew up the council room without a second thought… At this rate, your house is going to end up looking like mine!
I… cannot have that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have to stop them! What can I do…?
The music stops.


I am a hunter-gatherer… I will fight in order to keep my friends and I safe!


I clench my fists, and assume the stance! The enemy is straight ahead! They cannot dodge!

I can feel… the strength of Gaea beneath me!
My love… my life, I place in this hand! I make my declaration here! The empress arrives!

I wound up and took a swing at the tank!
The music stops.

……


Nothing… it did… nothing at all…
Well, if just my fists won’t work…


I need… some sort of weapon…
I looked around for anything nearby that I could use.

Forgive me, Japanese Post Holdings Company, Ltd.! I will apologize properly later!

I uproot a nearby postbox and take aim at the advancing tank.


I wound up and took a swing at the tank!

The music stops.

……


Nothing… it did… nothing at all…


I’m sorry, Sakuya… I’ve never tried to hunt an animal made of metal before, so I don’t know where its weak points are…
Even my elite guards were no match for it… There is nothing a bird or human can do to that thing…

A sharp crack echoes through the night.

I looked around for whatever could have caused this, but I never could have expected what I saw.



Wha……
Yuuya!
And you’ve kept a lady up this late? Never mind the thieves, you’re the real villain here. Please, forgive him, mon amie.
Oh, no, it’s fine! I wasn’t able to do anything, anyway…
You… You rascal! What is that thing? What kind of high school student has one of those!?

Do not mock me with jests!
But Sakuya, even I have a broad-axe! Of course a fashionable young man like Yuuya is going to have an assault rifle or two…
Precisely. I hope you’ve learned something about Japanese culture today, Sakuya.
Japan… truly is a complicated and confounding place…

While this discussion was going on, I heard some loud mechanical noises coming from down the road.


Yuuya, look out! It’s still moving!
It would seem so. Alas, I was hoping to have things cleared up and be walking the sweet lady home by now.
Don’t lay a finger on Lourde, lecherous cur! She is my underling!

Since when!?

A lady never likes a man who tries to monopolize her, Sakuya.
Don’t bend my words! I had no such thing in mind!

Yuuya fired off another shot at the tank. Sakuya and I turned to see if the tank reacted.
The music stops.


It’s stopped…!
Nice job, Yuuya! You’re acting straight up cool for once!
Why thank you, mon amie. I am honored by your words.

However, while the tank had stopped making noise, the two inside the tank were not quite finished.

Merry… Christmas… (Connect this with this…)
Merry Christmas… (Stick that there…)



Merry Christmas! (We fixed it! We fixed it! Yay!)
!?
I-It’s not dead yet!
Oh… oh, dear. I had thought I immobilized it.
Have you no other plan, cur!?
I have not prepared any more ordinance, no. It seems I have met my match.
Forget preparations! Would a super student like you really give up this easily!?

Yuuya tackled me to the ground, and I saw an artillery shell fly right above us. That was too close for comfort!

Eeeeeek!
Goon! Are you hurt?
I-I’m fine… Yuuya, wait! Your tail! Your tail is burnt! It smells delicious!
All that matters is that you’re safe. A little burn like this is just another medal of bravery.
Sakazaki, you fool! Don’t go raising flags here!

…You seem to be having difficulties.
The music stops.

We all turned towards the newcomer.

Who’d have expected him to show up here!?
Dr. Iwamine!?
Why are you here…!?


I took the liberty of examining the council room this morning. I find this case… rather interesting.
…I could help you out, if you like. Of course, if you don’t need my assistance, I will leave. I do have other things to be doing, after all.

I can’t really see his face in the darkness, but he sounds even more uninterested than usual. Maybe he’s in a bad mood again.

But, not even the doctor would bluff about something like this… right?

What a sharp tongue you have, doctor!
Please, Dr. Iwamine! If… if you have some way of stopping those thieves, please help us!
I had hoped to take them alive, but at this point I won’t object if you decide to obliterate them entirely!
Sakuya, no! They’re doing bad things, but I could never live with myself if I let you kill something that adorable!
…I have no intention of killing them.
Miss Lourde.

The doctor turned towards me.

Y-yes!

The doctor tosses a ball… or rather, a sort of oblong metallic lump to me.

The music stops.

Ah…! It’s a grenade!

Leave it to me, sir!

Here’s the wind-up…

Hiyaaaaa!

And the pitch! The grenade entered the tank, and I could hear the casing break.

Look! Look! I did it! Hole in one!
Well done. You have a good throwing arm.
But, what did that do? There was no great explosion…

Huh?

Yuuya was staring avidly in the direction of the tank, and so I turned to see what the doctor’s grenade had caused.

The tank is… swathed in some sort of gas!?

Wha… Doctor, we must withdraw! We’ll be affected too, and won’t be able to secure the thieves!
Can you stand, Yuuya? We need to get--

The gas is spreading throughout the entire area.
We need to get back to the mansion and send out guards with gas masks!

Huh……?

I looked around and noticed that we were already surrounded by the gas, but none of us seemed to be affected. But then, who…


Uu… -sniff-… achoo!
-sniff-… -sniff-…


The tank hatch opens, and the two white creatures stagger out.
Awww, they look terrible…

Finding an allergen specific to them was quite simple. I found plenty of samples to work with in the council room, after all.

Mr. Sakazaki had already created a number of holes in the body of the tank, so it diffused in quite beautifully. I am pleased to see it worked.
How kind of you to give me some credit, despite my miserable failure. I hadn’t expected that from you. You’re an exemplary teacher.
Thank you, Mr. Sakazaki. You flatter me.
Sir, how did you know so much about these previously unidentified creatures?
………

The music stops.

Looks like he’s still in a bad mood. He’s staring off into space.
Were the tests he was doing this afternoon for this? If so, it was an undeniable success. Shouldn’t he be happy?


We may have caught them now, but we had plenty of questions for them. We made our way back to the mansion with the thieves in tow.