Part 38: Episode XXX: I Am Covered in Feces

Music: The Last Mountain



Welp. That certainly didn’t go how we were expecting! Julienne has buggered off and Aeterna vanished into the ether during a cutscene! Not at the end of one like usual. I had been rotating in Julienne to start becoming an alternate for Aeterna on the A-Team. But now that they’re both gone we have to rotate in ugh... a mage. Alright, Setsuna. Time to pick up some slack in this pilgrimage. At least until we get off this mountain.





And they do, unfortunately, make us march back down the mountain. There are a few shortcut drops in the early half of the area. But the latter half? Nah. We’ve just gotta redo that again. Well, I just have to redo that again. You all will skip that as we plop back on the world map.





Since the only town in walking distance is Gatherington, the gang is gonna return there to regroup and wait for an alternative lead to fall in their laps because it’s a JRPG plan out their next move.


Music: Simple Gratitude



Well, there was exactly one properly named character in this village. So naturally, the first order of business is to go hit up the most reliable lead of information in town...



Well, shit... I’m out of ideas.

Well, you guys have a proper party pow-wow at the nearest inn. Whoops... wait... Those don’t exist in this universe! Guess they’ll just crowd around in the middle of the street out in this blizzard.



Maybe we won’t be able to get to the Last Lands at all...
Don’t be stupid! Of course we will! This ain’t the time to be whinin’!
......
Hey, c’mon! You ain’t gonna give up that easily, are ya?
*turns to Endir* What about you, Endir!?
Of course not.
I did not walk across an entire continent for this job to flake right before payday.



Uhh... my plan was already established. *tilts in place towards Kir*
*sweats*
*turns to Kir* I know that deep down the others ain’t given up yet, either. Right now, we need to focus on continuin’ our journey. You know that, don’t ya?
You’re right... I joined all of you on this journey because I wanted to change things. I can’t give up, no matter what.
Also, I honestly have NO idea where we are anymore. Even if I did want to turn back uhh... I think it’s a little late.
I must change things, too... for the sake of all future life...
*nods* Endir... Nidr... Kir...
Wait... Hold up... Do *all* of our names have an “i” in ‘em and end in “r”?
Yes? Why?
Huh. I never noticed that til’ now. Crazy.
How do ya not... Whatever. I’m not gonna get into it...
Oh... huh... You are right. Strange.
...Really? Neither of you noticed that?
*shrug*
*rubs eyes* ...You were sayin’, Setsuna?
Oh... Right...
Please help me. Together, we must find a way... We must find a way to cross the Vanished Land and reach the Last Lands.
*nods*
Alright. I’ll hit up the lumberjack for some wood. I feel like some good rope is gonna be the hard part. That’s a LONG rope ladder we’re gon—
Yes... We’ll consider that factor. Let’s ask around town, first.
Yeah, alright. We already know where the lumberjack is so the wood for the catapult is taken care of...
...





We’re free to go to Sayagi’s house obviously explore the town searching for leads. First, we’ll go ahead and dump off all the material we gained from essentially running that rather lengthy mountain dungeon twice. Netted a solid 42,618 G out of the deal. No new Spritnite though. Indeed, we’re coming towards the end of actual Tech related Spritnites being sold in shops. It’s mostly Support Spritnite stuff with a few exceptions.



In an unrelated story, I found my favorite generic NPC hanging out in this pub. Too bad this guy was born into the wrong age. Internet comment sections would clearly be his jam.



On the approach to Sayagi’s house there is one NPC wandering around that now has some use. Apparently, we picked up the correct ingredients for a new dish. So let’s check that out...



A Sky Apple, a Crowned Peach, some Blue Sugarcane, and some Blue Peppermint... If only I had those, I bet I could get Mom to bake another one! You don’t have them, do you? If you do, give ‘em to me! Please!
Sure.
How’d a little kid like you get a voice that deep? Smoking two packs of cigs a day?
Three.
...O-oh... Huh. Well, here’s your stuff.
All right! Thanks! Wait here, I’ll be right back...

No less than 90 minutes later standing out in a blizzard...

This is the last slice, but Mom’s gonna make another one, so I’ll give it to you! There’s nothin’ like Mom’s Sky Apple Pie! She says it’s hard to find the ingredients, though, so she only usually makes it when I’m sick... Oh yeah, I got her to write down the recipe for you, too. Here ya go!



A tasty pie with a crispy crust and a slightly sour filling. Boosts EXP and number of drops like usual. Also grants Guaranteed Evasion status i.e. you literally cannot be hit by physical attacks for a time. That sounds... pretty good, actually.



Anyway, let’s get the hell out of the snow and burst into this granny’s cabin unannounced again.



Why did you not go to the Last Lands?
Sayagi... Well...

Setsuna explains the situation off-screen.



I never dreamed anything like that would have happened...
Our companions are gone, too.
I think the knight chick is a lost cause. I mean, I was already ready to ditch her when she started the narcolepsy routine. But ehh... the girl with the frog hoodie was... OK.
That is a great shame... But you have not lost all your companions... There is no reason to lose hope.
No reason to have shattered hope due to lost comrades, lone swordsman the masked mercenary. You’ve got a full life ahead as the journey begins full of good and evil that is united by fate to unearth past secrets.
The Masked Mercenaries was plural. But nice try.
*grumbles*
*nods* Thank you, Sayagi.
Guess we’ll have to try and find someone who’s crossed the Vanished Land before... Not that we know if any human ever has...
Hey! You don’t know any spells that let you fly, do you?
I call myself a healer because I am adept in curative magic... I know little at all of any other type of magic.
Oh, right...
Really pigeonholed yourself with the healing magic school, huh?
It’s not uncommon to focus on healing.
Setsuna can do healing and lightning.
Hmph. Well, good for her. How’s that pilgrimage going again?
*frown*
I thought it might be possible using a spell, or spritnite or something...



Spritnite... That reminds me... Did you come across someone on the mountain?
? Who?
A man arrived here in the town just after you left... He too was asking about the mountain, so I thought perhaps he had also headed there. Did you not come across him?
Did he have a big scythe?
Or a sickle? I can never remember the difference.
It’s a scythe. A sickle is a hand instrument kinda like a hammer. A scythe is a big thing like a rake.
Oh. Huh. Well there you go. More to the point, was he dressed in tattered a black cloak with white hair like an out of season trick-or-treating dipshit?
No, I do not believe he was carrying any weapon...
So, who was this guy?
He said he was searching for a new type of spritnite... He was a restless man... constantly tutting... He was back on his way again before too long.
*cringe* Tutting, huh...?
If I thought this guy might be our ticket outta here, I’d go track him down right now.

The party shuffles out of Sayagi’s house...



Dammit... Looks like we’ve hit a brick wall. We ain’t even got a single clue to go on...
You know the man Sayagi was talking about...
What about him?
She said he was restless, and kept tutting... You don’t think he could be...
The shipwright?
The one with the fake “tut” verbal tic? Unless it’s spread. In which case this land isn’t worth saving anymore...
Oh, yeah! I remember now! He kept on tutting all the time... Tut-tut, tut-tut! Yeah, he was definitely what you’d call restless...
Yeah, that idiot. Hell if I remember his name.
Akash, wasn’t it...?
Yeah! That was it! Akash!
Wow. How the heck do you guys remember that? These people’s names go in and out of my head as soon as I leave the room from ‘em. I can barely remember what that old lady’s name was...
Sayagi. It’s not hard.
Oh wow... Okay, smartass. What was the name of the doofus childhood friend of Julienne?
Uhhh... It was... We barely talked to him! That’s not fair.
Okay. Fine. How about the old dude in the refugee village that was the dad of the king dude that kidnapped you?
Oh... That was... Uhh. He was... It’s on the tip of my tongue. Just gimme a sec... Ergh... D... D-Dino?
It was Dinas. I only remember his name because he f’n died and I have respect for the fallen.
*grumble* Alright, fine... You’ve made your point...
So Akash...
Is that who you were thinkin’ of, too, Setsuna?



*shrugs* What for?
He did serve under the lord of the citadel, so I thought he might know something that could help us...
Oh, right! So he might know a way to cross the Vanished Land!
Not that guy again...
Do you guys not remember the part where we had to walk 30 miles to some other village just to find out that dumbass was hiding out in a bar back in town? And then he went on to do absolutely nothing to help us? Forget that noise...
If we had anythin’ else to go on, I’d agree with Endir. But we’re up against a brick wall right now... We need to follow up any leads we can find.
It’s not like we’ve got anything to lose, right? We might as well try talking to Akash.
Come on, Endir. Let’s see if we can find Akash.
Sure, yeah. Toss my opinion in the trash. Again. I see how this party works.
But he’s not in this town anymore, right?
No, but Sayagi can’t have been the only one who saw him.
Yeah, right! Come on, let’s try asking some of the other townspeople! Maybe we can at least find out which way he headed!



Yeah, sure. We could talk to some of these yokels around town. Or we could talk to the only other NPC in Gatherington who matters. Yo, Deep-Voiced Lumberjack! What’s the word?



I told him there was no way ‘cross the mountain, so he said he’d head for Magna Valley instead.
And that is where...?
Where’s Magna Valley? Just north of ‘ere. The distortions in space were blockin’ it off before, y’see...
Cool... Saaaay... You’re a lumberjack, right? How much would it cost to haul a buncha wood to the top of Fridging Heights?
Huh? ‘hatcha want with lumber up ‘hat way?
Got a little construction project I’m envi—
Let’s check up the Akash lead first, Endir...
Ugh... Fiiiine.



Alright, let’s get outta here. I don’t know about you all, but I’ve had enough of Gatherington.


Music: Road to Closure



Now that the Aurorean Tiger has been slain and the spatial distortions are no more, the path has cleared north of Fridging Caves. If we continue up that direction, we find...



Magna Valley. So I read this as “magma” valley and was like “Oh dang, a lava area? That’ll be a nice change!” But no... It’s magna as in Latin for “great” not lava...



So surprise... it’s just an icy canyon. Bummer... Time to get crackin’ finding Akash in this newest frozen wasteland dungeon.



Hey, old man!

...Aaaaaaand found him. He’s literally three yards away from the entrance.


Music: Lighthearted



Hey!
Tut-tut! Stop pesterin’ me! Don’t make me repeat myself!
Akash!
I just said...
? Hmm? Why do you know my name...?

Akash turns around to face the party.



Oh, you’re...
We met in Floneia.
Mighta blown up your airship engine.
Tut-tut! Yes, I remember... You’re the sacrifice’s party... Weren’t you heading to the Last Lands, though? What’re you doin’ here?
It’s a long story.
Well, you see, Akash. We were...
No! No... We already wasted enough time updating our progress to that old lady back in town and I let that slide because it was actually in a warm house. Not happening here with afro-tut here in a frozen, windswept valley! Nuh-uh!
Tut-tut! Sounds like you’ve got your reasons...
*shrug* I’m amazed you can travel around a place like this on your own. It’s not as if you can even use magic...
Are you like secretly super ripped or something?
Tut-tut! I have my ways!



It stinks somethin’ rotten, but if it works right, the monsters all stay well away.
*sweat drop* That explains the strong smell comin’ from your direction, then...
So then! Back to the catapult plan...
Wait, Endir. He’s just been... resourceful...
He is covered in what I assume to be penguin shit and bear splooge. That’s usually just called a severely mentally ill hobo...
Tut-tut! Body fluids are all right, but monster blood’s a definite no-no! Their blood contains toxic magical energy. If you got any in your mouth or in an open wound, you’d drop dead on the spot!
Scary stuff... By the way, we heard you’re looking for spritnite...
*shakes head* I cannot believe you all are still have dialogue with the vagrant covered in squirrel piss...
Word travels fast! Indeed I am... I plan to build my own airship.
! Build your own airship!? You can do that!?
It’s by no means impossible... but it’ll definitely take a while. That’s why I’ve been looking for a new spritnite that’ll work as a power source for it. Tut-tut!
We’ve got plenty of spritnite!
What do you need? We’re like not using even a quarter of these. Realization? It just makes you figure out really dumb puns on command to piss you off. Toss that thing in your spritnite engine. It’s even clean and poop free.
I’m not just lookin’ for any old spritnite! I’m lookin’ for some that’s powerful enough to serve as an energy source for an airship! Tut-tut! However, I may not’ve found one yet, but I do have some idea where to look... Because I worked for His Lordship, I’m never short on information, y’see!
*nods* Right! Information! That’s exactly what we need right now... That’s why we were lookin’ for you.
Do you know a way to cross the Vanished Land?
Eh!? The what? Is this a dream you had, or somethin’?
Well, you see...

Setsuna explains the current dilemma...



...Somehow we still waste 40 minutes explaining our situation to basically a stranger. Again.
Come on... Don’t you have any ideas?
I do... We can fly over it in my airship!
Yeah? Are you really gonna be able to build one?
*nods* Indeed I am! I’m going to be usin’ Avalo’s broken one as a base... All I need now is some spritnite powerful enough to use as an energy source, and I’m good to go!
So you’re not really building an airship... you’re just repairing the old one.
Details...
Is whatshisface, Avalo OK with you doing that?
Tut-tut, he’s been in seclusion ever since his father’s death. The Floneian region is on the verge of a civil war between the refugees and the citadel after the Tenderville plot was revealed. I’m certain nobody will notice between all the terror attacks the guards are contending with.
Oh... Huh. Bummer. Well, good thing we’re never going back there.
So that’s why you’ve been searching for spritnite...
*nods* Like I said, I do have some idea where to look... The royal ruins near here.
The royal ruins...?
That’s right. People call them the Ithees Ruins. The gate bears the crest of the old royal family. It wouldn’t budge an inch, though... Not that I really expected it to. The old royal family’s shrouded in mystery, y’see.
The ruins of the old royal family...
*nods* The entrance is just on from here. I doubt you’ll manage it, but if you do get inside and find some spritnite, give it to me, eh? I’ll use it to build my new airship!
Refurbished old airship.
Details!
If you do bring it to me, there’ll be a reward in it for you!
What’s it worth?
*looks down* What’s it worth?
Yeah, giving stuff free of charge just like fundamentally goes against my nature. Firm belief of capitalism in the ol’ Masked Mercenary tribe.
Well, how about I pay you in treasure?
Treasure!?
*nods* Once my airship’s complete, I’ll be travelin’ further afield than the mainland, too... I’m sure there’s all sorts of incredible treasure just waitin’ to be discovered!



*fist pump* All right! That sounds AMAZING! Let me come along, too!
Oh, nonono. My days of not accepting payment up front are DONE after this pilgrimage job, lemme tell you, bud.
*sweat drop* Dammit, no! We don’t need money or treasure... We need you to take us across the Vanished Land in this ship of yours.
*nods* Not a problem... You did help me out before, after all. I’ll give you a ride across. Of course... this is IF you really find some spritnite I can use! Tut-tut!
*nods*
*fist pumps*
So is treasure hunting still in at a later point?
I don’t see why not.
...Alright. I’m in.
All right, it’s a promise! We’ll do everythin’ we can to help you!
Well, I’ll be waitin’... but I won’t get my hopes up! Tut-tut!
*turns to party and fist pumps* An airship, eh? Things are looking up!



If you say so... Tune in next time when there is, of course, a catch to entering these ancient ruins. But regardless, the road to gaining an airship for a proper ass endgame has begun. It just required linking up with a man literally covered in fecal matter.