Part 35: Dragon's Eye Part 2: Dragon-Free Edition©

^^^^^wait what? I am confused. ONWARD.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK did it again, erased everything. Also, my other computer died, I've been trying to fix it, the LP curse strikes in wily and unexpected ways, etc.

Update #34: Dragon's Eye Part 2: Dragon-Free Edition©



Someone please tell me who designed this. It's stupid.
The yuan-ti priests, presumably.
I think it's kind of...well, dashing and romantic. Using gemstones and fire to open a secret passage leading deeper into the villain's lair, and that sort of thing.
Call me zany, but I would think a button could do the same thing. Hell, a HIDDEN button if they're really that worried about it.
Stop making sense. They hate it when you do that.
Who does?
Bah! All this talk of staircases and staircases construction. Urggzob would rather walk and/or crush down the stairs than whine about them.
Way to be, my excessively violent chap. Let's press on.

At the bottom, we're attacked by this guy. He doesn't actually do anything, but by golly he tries and it's kind of cute.


Urggzob...needs a name for these things, so he can crush them AND taunt them!
They're called "Feyr," and that's actually pretty interesting becau--
Psh, you and your scientific process. How about "Tentacl-y-float-a-brains"?
"Brainstrosities"?
That has a ring to it. Urggzob, you just communicate in grunts and yells anyway, why not just do that?
Ungh.
This is all quite silly.



OOPS TOO LATE.
_{Ex-brainstrosities.}
Well, I'm "a-feyr-d" we were just too slow for Urggzob this time.
What the hell?
I, uh, tried to make a pun off of their name, because if you swap out the middle of "afraid" with the monster's real name and say it fast it sounds similar, and...oh hell.
And you wonder why we never listen to you.
_{Oh, but you do. Just when I'm embarassing myself.}
I'm sure there's more to be had down here. Let's be off.



Okay, Napalm Company, you should be ashamed. How did we get this spread out before an attack?
General shenanigans and a lack of paying close attention?
Stopping occasionally to critique the decor?
Trying hard not to wallow in my self-pity.
...
What gives? Here's where Urggzob usually says something banal about crushing or violence or whatever his schtick is, and then I yell half-heartedly about how much I detest all of you for your incompetence and we move on with things.
Looks like he's been charmed again, actually.
Nobody touch him. Or make sudden movements.



Boy, Urggzob would be handy right about now. Those bad guys just keep teleporting in!
I could counter-charm him, but I'm sure he's confused and conflicted enough right now.
So how does charm actually work? And why isn't he attacking us?
Well, it works off by making the target so enamored with the caster that he goes wild and defends the caster against all ills. I think it doesn't work so well on Urggzob, though, because he's so utterly un-accustomed to affection that it's taking all of his brainpower just to try and interpret it.
Oh. So should I just hug him for the same effect?
Just might work, actually.
Good to know.



We should hang something on him, if he's just gonna sit there.
I don't follow.
Well, if he's just gonna be a part of the scenery we should at least make him compliment the decor.
Sure, but when he wakes up you get to tell him why he's covered in throw pillows and drapes.
Aww, nutsy.



CRUSH TIMES!
You, uh, kind of missed out. You can help mop up, though.
What? NO! There was to be a fight, and Urggzob DOES NOT USE A MOP!
You got charmed, hon. You were just sitting there.
Lies! Urggzob is immune to the wiles of his enemies!
Sure, if you say so. Listen, there's bad guys over there. Why don't you super-kill them, or whatever it is you do?
Grmbl.



Little men must have cast a wizard-ing that sent Urggzob forward in time so that he would not get as much fighting and they would get more. Urggzob is onto their tricks.
He's not gonna stay too mad, is he?
Nah. After he reduces a few monsters to their base elements through application of excessive force, he'll be right as rain in spring.
If only all our problems could be solved like that. Oh wait...
COME and follow Urggzob! His spider senses are vibrating!
You mean tingling?
We don't say that here. Also, what do you mean, Urggzob?



Oh. There's spiders here. That makes a certain weird sense, I suppose.
Eew. Can we just let him deal with them? He's filthy already and he doesn't mind killing 'em.
Is GOOD plan! Ha-ha!

And so, Urggzob steps off on his own to murder the hell out of some spiders.

The plan goes according to itself, for once.

Snakes and spiders. Now we just need scorpions and the trifecta will be complete.
That might be excessively off the wall, even for this place.
Is he done with spiders?
Mmm. Done with spiders. For now.
Yay! What's this corridor, though?
Careful now, we don't know--
BOULDER!



Well, that, um...Didn't exactly rock. In fact, the whole experience seemed to just boulder everyone over.
...
You people are no fun at all when you're horribly maimed and unconscious.



...and that's why we don't set off traps like that, okay Pip?
Righto!
Hmh. Dead guy.
What's that? Oh, right. The fellow upstairs was looking for this guy. I guess we should tell him the bad news.



Hell and damn.
What?
A fetch quest. What did I say earlier?
Let's worry about it later. We've got a temple...dungeon...thing to clear out right now.



Is...are those...?
Palm trees, yes. No, I don't know what they're doing here.
I just say this raises the likelihood of us finding a good bar down here. And whores.
I really think we should stop LOOKING at things we run across and start just destroying everything. It'll be kinder to my brain.
Urggzob has held this philosophy for a long time.



Hey, it's Nathaniel!
But Urggzob, er, watched Nathaniel man have an unfortunate accident!
You what?
Urggzob will get to the bottom of THIS mystery!




Damn! Urggzob's plan had not gone any farther than this!
So what--
MOVE ON and FORGET EVERYTHING! Is the best ideas!

We do just that.


It takes a special mind to construct a ziggurat in a dungeon underground.
Snake people. People who work for snake people. Half snake people. I think they qualify.
True, if insensitive.
What the devil sort of summoning nonsense is that priest doing?



Nevermind, question answered. Urggzob, go destroy whatever crawls out, will you?
With excessive gusto. Crushing gusto. Crushto. Hm.
I...I think I see a library. I'll leave you all here to deal with the violence, catch up when you can.

Some time later...


Seriously, you and books.
Kruskrak needs his fix. Er...I've been hanging around Urggzob too long, I think.
Aww. It's cute!
I appreciate your vote of half-confidence, Pip. Anyway, once I get my reading done, we can take off. I think this floor is covered, for now.



More caves. When I own my own country, I'm making caves punishable by death.
That doesn't even try to make sense.
No one said you had to live in Napalmistan. Hush.