Part 42: Slaughter is possibly an exaggeration
^^^Only once you've truly given up hope! Ah ha ha ha ha.
Update #41: Slaughter is possibly an exaggeration
When last we left the party, they had just pissed off Saablic Tan and violently shouldered their way into the Fields of Slaughter.
Why is Urggzob not slaughtering right now?
In fairness this isn't really even a field yet. More like a shallow valley.
Yeah! Maybe this is the Shallow Valley of Vague Discontent which leads up to the Fields of Slaughter.
Perhaps it's just the Icy Area of Bitter Disappointment.
Be fair now. That's been everywhere we've gone so far.
The caves weren't too icy. And man, has there been a lot of caves.
Caves of Drudgery?
How about Area of DOES NOT MATTER WHAT THE NAME IS URGGZOB JUST WANTS VIOLENCE?
I, uh...suppose that can be arranged.
Moving right along, we see prisoners trapped behind these here ribs.
Should we save these guys?
I hope you're kidding, Pip.
Not so much. Should I be?
Let me put it this way: Anyone who can't escape from THAT prison by themselves is beyond our help.
Really. The gaps between some of those bars are enough to fit two or three men through at once.
Four if they're covered in grease.
If what's covered? The bars or the men?
Ooh, that gives--
LOOK AT THAT IT'S WHERE WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GO.
Gah! Bodies, bodies! No one for Urggzob to FIGHT!
This is really turning out to be the Fields of SlaughterED. Still, not a bad looking little area.
It would look better if it were full of Urggzob's axe.
And throw pillows!
Mmm, throw pillows. Truly the worst of the throwing weapons.
What do you have there, Kruskrak?
Just taking a look at this fellow's armor. I reckon any slaughter took place quite some time ago, if at all.
What if there was really less a slaughter here and more a disagreement that was blown completely out of proportion?
Will you people stop saying slaughter? The word's lost all meaning by now.
I just think the name is in keeping with this whole damn hemisphere's tendency to be melodramatic and generally useless.
Oh look, a crude sacrificial altar.
Urggzob is not getting his promised violence. Urggzob is sightseeing, which is not nearly violent enough.
I dunno. Tourist season in Luskan is pretty iffy about that.
It's a pile of crap.
Looks like a door, actually. Did that shaman drop some kind of key?
A key? It's rubble. We can have Urggzob push it. Or hit it.
No, Kruskrak's right. There's a keyhole right here.
This is absurd. Clobberella, go find that key for us. Chop chop.
Friggin' gods-damned spell-casters stupid grmbl grrgh.
Oooh, I like that staff. Nifty.
And a belt! Huzzah.
I'm still having trouble comprehending how a six-inch key managed to move all that rubble.
FINALLY! Crushings! Violence! Time to--
Wait, they're fighting each other. Let's hold out and see how this goes.
Tiny spell-fellow is not helping Urggzob's mood.
NOW who's smooth?
Hush, woman. I wasn't anticipating they'd talk to us. Besides, I could just as easily say that I was goading them to fight for our safety's sake.
How is that safer?
Gives Urggzob an outlet, percolating kettle of rage that he is.
COME THEN! Perhaps Gorg will sense that Urggzob's axe has destroyed him into small and bloody pieces!
The fight is short. Too short to capture, actually. We get this.
Ooh, a new axe!
Pah! A toy for cowards. Why would Urggzob want his enemies running away? Faces make better crushing than backs.
What about all the things you've crushed that don't have faces?
The principle carries over. Urggzob can also crush a face INTO something just so he can crush that face.
What if you crush a face into something's face? Then you can have double face crush.
Stop giving him ideas.
Oh damn, Cutscene-o-vision.
What the devil? I--oh, drat. I can't control my limbs again for some reason.
Every time we do this, bad things happen.
Well, when you figure out how to stop it from happening by all means let us know.
A lick? Urggzob will crush the undeads, strange names or no!
Yeah. A lick is like a zombie from one of Pip's weird fantasies.
You've been reading my journal, haven't you?
No I haven't. And ew.
Urggzob will crush licks, liches, and other not-dead-enoughs with equal fury and fury!
You said fury twice.
WHOOOAAAARGGHH! DOUBLE FURY!
Gahh! Where is lickch!
Invisible, I think.
I wonder. Disintigrate...?
How about that.
'Ronius, what just happened?
Killed the lich with one spell. Didn't think that would work.
WHAT DID LITTLE FIRE MAN SAY?
That is, uh...lich must have teleported out of here. He's totally gone.
Pah! COWARDLY lichk!
The fighting continues for several minutes, and in fact we actually fight our way all to the exit of this area.
...Urggzob, that priest is surrounded by giant spinning chunks of sharp metal.
No matter! The only chunk of sharp metal that should be worried about is Urggzob's. And it does not need to spin to end all things.
Arguably if he gets one stuck in his arm or torso or something we can just leave it there and he'll find a clever if disgusting way to use it to his advantage.
Yes! Razor metal death body! Urggzob needs this.
I say, here's those falls that Cleric was talking about earlier. Should I chuck this holy water in?
Why exactly are we purifying this place?
Well, I imagine we should leave at least ONE place better than we found it.
How unusually altruistic of you, Napalm.
Yes, well, have to keep up appearances.
There's no one HERE to appreciate it, besides us. And I know I for one won't spend my breath saying GOOD things about you.
Is that Tan over there? Hoo boy, he looks pissed.
Aww. Maybe all he really needs is a hug?
Urggzob will give unlimited hugs forever. Only not hugs, but axes in soft spots.
Of course. The two are so similar.
As expected. Marty?
Let's burn everything.
Gah! Why does the little man keep stealing the important kills?
He was soft and probably not that fun to crush, Urggzob. You can have all these big tough armored guys. And that tentacle brain.
Grrgn. FINE. Urggzob's brain needs some means of attack, though. Tentacles? Claws? Hm.
As a note, this fight can be hard if you don't kill Saablic in the first round. He's a powerful mage, can resist a lot of spells if he gets his shields up, and can wipe the party with horrid wilting given the chance. Naturally we don't give him such a chance.
Dash it all. Again my efforts to be a good person thwart me.
This dagger. It doesn't work for good people. Heck, I can barely hold onto the darn thing.
Man, for a non-sentient object that thing is sure a jerk. Where does a knife get off judging you on your moral standing?
Probably the same place my mother used to. And my village. Roving traders. Colleagues at the magical colleges. That sort of thing.
What's that? More bad guys -- by the gods.
It's a midget leading a small force of half-dragons! That's horrifying.
Urggzob will show them the meaning of horrif!
The noun is horror, Urggzob. Horrif is one of the noises you make when you've had too much to drink.
There is no such thing as too much to drink. TO BATTLE!
It is the satisfaction Urggzob feels when he crushes, plus how sassy he feels when he hits a half-dragon so hard it explodes.
Look, another item that hates me.
I can sympathize.
Items hate you too?
No no, I can sympathize WITH the item. Sometimes I hate you.
Come on now, just because he's whiny and angsty and passive-aggressive all the time doesn't mean you should hate him.
Yes it does.
Oh, wait. You're right. Hm. Sorry about that, Kruskrak.
So...we're done with the fields then? Kinda short and not-field-y.
Life is nothing but disappointment, Pip.
He speaks truth, really.
Silly Kruskrak. We're from the south, not the east!
I don't know if that would have worked any better, Pip.
It couldn't have worked worse, could it?
Fella's got a point.
Some violence later...
So the bad guys are in there.
Urggzob practically tingles with anticipation.
That's probably the fleas, hon.
You mean "Urgg-buddies."
As soon as Kruskrak's out of that bubble we can kick ass and get paid. FINALLY.
So yeah. Either two updates or one really long update left, and we're done. How about that?