Part 11: Mooning the Princess
Hello everyone and welcome to the final update of King's Quest III.
: Whoops, you slipped.
That first step is kind of a mean trick. Sure falling doesn't hurt you, but you still fall a single frame after entering the screen. Not cool, game.
So let's go to the left for no particular reason.
While I never showed off the AGI version of King's Quest I, there's no mistaking this screen. Looks like Graham had the well filled in sometime in the past 17 years.
: The countryside of Daventry looks as if it had once been beautiful. But now, trees are charred, a chasm splits the earth, and wildflowers no longer grow. Nearby is an old, broken-down well that someone has filled with rocks. It's useless now.
Pictured, Graham's Daventry.
: Gwydion stares at the run-down shack. Upon the porch, a withered gnome rocks in a creaky old rocking chair, whistling a merry tune. The shack leans heavily to one side and Gwydion wonders why it doesn't fall.
We'll talk to the gnome momentarily. First...
>knock on door
: Gwydion loudly raps upon the massive wooden doors of the castle, Hollowly, emptily, the sound reverberates within. No one answers.
: The huge doors of the castle are bolted shut. Try as he might, Gwydion cannot open them.
So no tearful reunion while Rosella is in danger.
A neat touch I like is that the castle garden has some plants from Kolyma in it. Anyway, let's go talk to the gnome.
>talk to gnome
: Er, hello. Am I right in guessing that this is Daventry?
: The gnome chuckes softly to himself before replying.
: It's about time you got here lad... I mean, Prince Alexander. Welcome home! Heaven knows, we need you. Daventry's been suffering for years now since that despicable dragon came.
: The old gnome narrows his eyes to slits and leans forward in his chair.
: That monster demanded the sacrifice of your sister, Princess Rosella, and I'm afraid time is running out. Your parents, the King and Queen, are suffering from such grief that they have locked themselves in yon castle and refuse to see anyone. It's up to you, Alexander. Your country and family need you. It's written in the wind.
: The wizened gnome relaxes and settles back in his chair. He begins whistling again.
So looks like we have our work cut out for us. It also looks like Graham is the worst king imaginable. Wouldn't it have been prudent to, y'know, call up the kingdom's levies and march a whole army up to deal with the dragon? Surely hiding in the castle and acquiescing to every stupid demand the beast makes is the worst possible thing to do. This is why armies exist in the first place.
Me, during King's Quest I posted:
In the 1984 release, the caves weren't a stupid platforming segment. They were, instead, just a couple screens where Graham had to walk up a staircase in the mountain. The Dwarf could still ambush you, but it was a lot harder to fall down.
Welcome, then, to the AGI staircase.
To be fair I didn't say it was impossible to fall off, just harder.
: Darn those steps!
If you die on the first step... which I totally didn't do. Definitely not me, no. Anyway if you die on the first step, there's a different message.
: Watch that first step, it's a dilly!
: It feels strangely hot up here.
It's fully possible to come up here before you see the well, or meet Ifnkovhgroghprm. So the first hint you were actually in Daventry very well could be seeing Cloudland.
: Looking around. Gwy--Alexander sees clouds surrounding this small bit of land like a white, cottony sea. Charred stumps of trees spoil the scene.
: This mystical cloud land may never cease to amaze you, but...
: ...it has ceased to support you. Enjoy the trip!
Okay that's legitimately funny.
: A huge, fire-breathing dragon is here and it has SEEN Alexander! Hypnotized by its baleful glare, he stands frozen in his tracks. What a way to go; ending up as a dragon's barbeque!
Alright so, a frontal assault won't work, and random teleportation doesn't sound useful in this circumstance. Our transformation essence is gone, our sleeping powder is gone, and the language dough isn't useful here either. The transfiguration cookie has been gone for more than half an hour at this point, so all we're left with is...
Looking around, there's plenty of fire and embers. And if clouds don't count for mist, then nothing ever will. So stealth mode engage!
>rub ointment on self
Alright, so the now-invisible Alexander can at least move around on the same screen without incident.
I wonder if we can sneak Rosella away...
>talk to girl
: She can't hear you. She's too busy screaming.
: The dragon notices Princess Rosella being untied, and blasts both her and Alexander with a long, licking tongue of flame.
Let's do it right this time. The invisibility ointment only works for a very short period of time. You've got maybe a minute at best? But... we do have another spell at our disposal. I briefly showed it off on the ship, but it's otherwise been unused up to this point.
>stir brew with finger
>brew of storms churn it up
: Bolts of lightning strike the huge dragon. He howls in pain and falls to the ground... dead.
: Alexander's magic spell is wearing off!
: The dragon lies dead upon the ground. He was no match for the fury of Alexander's magical storm!
: The girl is securely tied to the stake.
>talk to girl
: Help me!! Untie me!!
: Alexander rapidly unties Princess Rosella from the wooden pole. She looks bewildered as to who her benefactor may be.
: I'm your long-lost brother, Prince Alexander.
: Rosella looks doubtful. Any yahoo off the street can, and has, claimed to be her long-lost brother. She was used to the whole song and dance by now, and crossed her arms with a frown.
: Realizing that now is not the time, Alexander holds up his hands in an offering of peace.
: I'll explain it all later. Just follow me. Let's go meet the folks!
: With mixed emotions, and no small amount of healthy skepticism, Rosella agrees. It was better than standing around the corpse of the dragon, at any rate.
: How can I be sure you're really my brother? My mother alwyays said that Alexander had a birthmark on his bottom. If you really want to prove you are who you say you are, I need to see it.
: Are you serious? You really want our reunion to be me showing you my bare bottom?
: Rosella flatly stares at... who even is this kid?
: Fine, whatever. Rosella flatly stares at Alexander while the man claiming to be her brother grows more and more visibly uncomfortable.
: Alexander finally sighs and shows off his birthmark.
: Oh Alexander! You really ARE back! Mum and Dad will be SOOOOOO happy!
I did not make that up. Well, not all of it. Naturally, the Lotus didn't have a conversation with Rosella's narrator, but...
Moving on. Time for the last death of the game!
: No fair taking short cuts!
Rosella can get lost on the way down the stairs. Don't worry too much about her.
: There's home! Mum and Dad will be SOOOOOO happy!
I don't know why, but on this screen, the Smurfs theme starts playing.
: Oh YIPPEE! You did it, your majesty!! I KNEW you could save us all. King Graham and Queen Valanice will be overjoyed to see you two. I must run ahead to announce your arrival!
: The castle doors are wide open to welcome home a long-missing son, and a much-loved daughter. Atop the castle, the banners proudly wave. The heavy feeling of oppression is gone; hope has at last returned to Daventry!
: Alexander nerviously enters the throme room with his sister, Princess Rosella. Before the twin thrones stand his parents, King Graham and Queen Valanice. Both parents are overjoyed to see their son.
: Alexander, where have you been all these years?
: I'm so proud of both of you!
: King Graham points to the mirror.
: That was once a magic mirror, son. But, it has been clouded ever since you disappeared from your cradle.
Good to know. The one magical treasure that could have helped Graham find Alexander 17 years ago fucking broke when it was needed the most. What a useful mirror.
: Before Alexander's astonished eyes, the magic mirror clears, and shines anew with brilliant clarity.
: The terrible dragon is dead, and our children are home, and the future looks bright for us all!
: King Graham lovingly retrieves his adventurer's hat with the red feather.
: Alexander, Rosella, this old hat and I have been through a lot together. Now, it's time he had a new travelling companion.
: Graham flings the hat toward his children.
: Congratulations on your successful completion of King's Quest III!!! We hope you have enjoyed playing as much as we enjoyed creating it for you. May the adventuring continue with King's Quest IV!
So I'll see you guys next time for King's Quest IV!
Total List of Points
+1 - Clearing the Table
+1 - Mixing bowl
+1 - Trusty knife
+1 - Serving spoon
+1 - I am Bread
+1 - Do you want a banana?
+1 - Mutton chops!
+1 - Fistful of cat fur
+4 - >drop all
+1 - Fly wings
+1 - Gwydion the vain
+1 - Rose petal perfume
+7 - The faded map
+3 - The small brass key
+4 - Stealing the wand
+5 - Finding the hidden lever
+1 - Raiding Manannan's spice rack
+10 - Yer a wizard, Gwydion
+2 - Dried acorns
+5 - Doing Perseus' job
+1 - Harvesting peyote
+1 - Gwydion the skin collector
+2 - This porridge is juuuust right
+1 - Stealing a thimble
+1 - Getting dew
+3 - Hidden ladder
+2 - A treefort!
+4 - Stealing from bandits
+1 - Mistletoe
+1 - Streamside mud
+1 - Salt water
+1 - Pet the dog!
+1 - Bought salt
+1 - Bought fish oil
+1 - Bought lard
+1 - Bought pouch
+2 - Tail Feather
+1 - Mandrake root essence
+10 - The world's most disgusting cookie
+1 - Powdered fish bone
+10 - WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU
+1 - Deadly nightshade
+10 - Patented sleep powder
+12 - We beat the wizard!
+3 - Spied on the bandits
+5 - Found the rope we used already
+4 - Taking the spider for a swim
+3 - Prince Gwydion
+1 - Powdered toadstools
+1 - Toad drool
+10 - Kissed a rock
+10 - Boiled seawater and put mud in it
+10 - Lard makes you invisible
+3 - Bought passage from Llewdor
+2 - Got on the ship
+2 - Climbed up to midlevel
+3 - Robbed the pirates
+1 - Petty shovel theft
+5 - Escaped the pirates
+7 - Money in the ground
+4 - Confused a yeti
+7 - Dragon slaying
+3 - Princess rescuing
+4 - Homecoming
Final Total: 210/210
Total Register of Deaths
Pissing off Manannan
Tripping over the fucking cat x2
Getting stoned in the desert
Getting lost in the endless desert
Falling from the Tree Fort
Being thrown from the tree fort
Falling off the mountain path
That was a-mew-sing
Gwydion sees all
The better to hear you with, my dear
Amusing the cat
Meow meow meow meow
Pissing off the wizard. Again.
Falling off the mountain path x2
Storms are brewing on your head x3
Where did you go, Gwydion? x2
Falling out of the crow's nest
Shark bait ooh haa haa
Falling off the dick cliffs
Falling off the Cloudland steps x2
Falling off Cloudland
Taking a shortcut
Final Total: 33 Deaths