Part 4: – Thank God Goblins Are Noisy Walkers

Chapter 2 – Thank God Goblins Are Noisy Walkers




Oh gee look more walls what a surprise. At least they're much less eyeburn than the other hallway. If I had gone into a different graffiti, I would've come out in a different part of the brick hallway, and let's just say that I'm very happy it is this one. I spy something on the radar, filling me with sheer giddiness. While I head towards it, I'm going to open every single door I see for some completely logical reason I'm sure.



I took this screenshot before I opened that door, but trust me when I say that I sure as hell opened it. But look! Something on the ground that isn't a rock or a stick!



Oh boy, a peach! This couldn't possibly cause me any trouble in the future!

There's a weird thing on my radar between some doors, so let's go check it out (again, opening every single door I pass, let's say because I have OCD).



It isn't immediately obvious what this is, but it's a vending machine. Let's pop in a quarter and see what we get!



(They didn't even bother changing the color of the message.) Screw that, I'm not wasting a quarter on a rock. Through the magic of reloading, I get my quarter back and move on.

There are several doors to choose from, but we're going to go through the one all the way to the right, mainly because I'm here and I don't feel like slogging to another door.



Right through the door, I come across an item! Because I will pick up every single thing I can, we're taking it.



Awesome? I bet this'll be worth something if I come across a pawn shop or something.

So let's head left now, and yes, you guessed it, I'm opening all the doors as I go! It must be because I'm crazy and not at all because there would be some sort of in-game repercussion for not doing it. That would just be wacky!

There's another vending machine over on the left, let's see what this one'll give me. If it's another rock I swear...



Oh, hey, cool! That is easily worth my quarter! Welp, that looks like about it for this hallway, so let's go through the furthest door to the left.



Wait... what is that noise? Why is there a white dot coming towards me?



Oh sweet jesus what is that thing

Okay, we're running away now. Going through that nearest door sends me back to the hallway with the rock vending machine. Great. Well, it's fairly easy to get back, and we have to, because if we don't open every single door in that hallway, I get this crazy, nagging feeling that no matter what door we go through, we won't be able to proceed in the game!

So what are through all these other doors, you might ask? Other, completely random places in one of the three sections we've seen. This can help to open all the doors in the hallway with the goblin, but be careful, because some come out right next to him. Also, opening doors takes about 20 minutes, and the goblin moves non-stop, so you wind up playing duck and dodge with the bastard and it is really frusterating.

If you get caught by a goblin, you drop down into an oubliette and a lot of the ways of getting out costs you an hour of your time. Some don't, but when you don't have those options, you're sort of screwed. The first time I played, I was a retard about how to get around the goblins, so I wound up running out of time because I kept getting stuck in oubliettes. I'll probably go over the oubliettes and how to escape in it's own little bonus update.

So after about 90 minutes of running around these three near-identical hallways, I got all the doors open and head through one.




Yes, unless you open all of the doors in the Brick Hallway (though I may be mistaken and it might only be all the doors in that final hallway), you can never move on to the next part of the game.

So! Here we are at our first of many visits to Alph and Ralph, the two parts of the talking door that pull the “One of us is always lying and one of us is always telling the truth” bullcrap on Sarah in the movie. However, they don't do that to us here. Let's talk to Alph (to the left) first.



: Hello, I'm Alph, and He's Ralph.

Ask:
: One door leads to the center of the labyrinth, and the other leads to... CERTAIN DEATH. Figure it out for yourself.
Congratulate:
: Don't mention it.
Insult and Hit:
: Same to you!

That's it for Alph. Let's see if Ralph is any more useful.



: Hello, I'm Ralph, and He's Alph.

Ask:
: We're not going to say another word.
Congratulate:
: You sure are fickle!
Insult and Hit:
: Same to you!

So, yeah. I'm noticing a trend of uselessness with everyone I meet here. At least I know where these doors lead to, so lets check them out. Opening them reveals...


Clearly labeled pathways. Now, I know what you're thinking. "This game is trying to trick you, Pete!" You're crying, "Don't go through the one labeled 'To the Castle'!" I bet that's just what they want me to think!! Screw your fears, I'm goin' this way!



And then I promptly fell down a trap door.



Next time: Chapter 3 – Stylin' and Profilin'