Part 12: Episode XI: The Asshole
Welcome back to the trainwreck. I'm just noticing now they couldn't even manage to make the fog filter run in a straight line across this screen. Stay classy, Majestic Studios.
Despite the wide fields of lush swampland...that's all there is to the place. Briggs must now backtrack to the foul depths of the sewer. I'd like to note this is literally the screen just before...
...this one. I suppose smooth transitions between areas are a bit too much to ask for. Anyhow, there is a small corridor hidden well to the right of this room. The camera only moves in that direction to reveal it if the player moves Briggs over practically hugging the wall. Thank <insert deity here> for <poorly written> FAQs.
In this room we come upon three metal grates with the bottom half of Roman Numerals scrawled above them. Well, that Quagmire fellow did say there were three exits...whatever that means...
Taking a closer look at any one of the grates will reveal there is a series of buttons circling the grating. They are configured in alternating large and small grooves. It is puzzle time in Limbo of the Lost! Terrific.
All we have to go on is Quagmire's little riddle. Which doesn't really make a lot of sense on its own, to be honest. Perhaps the inclusion of the word "side" somewhere in it would make things a bit easier to parse. But, who am I to step on toes during puzzle writing?
In truth, the thing is referring to dice. On a die, the number on the opposite side of six is the number one. So, the riddle is actually: 1 + 3 = x
Now, how in the hell do you input four on this thing, you ask? Err...that is a good question... One I really don't have an answer to. The grate accepted my answer when I clicked all four small buttons on the right hand side going counter-clockwise. Doing four in a row, four moving left from reset, the same thing but going clockwise...all duds...
I hope this isn't a grim look into puzzles to come...
Upon completing the mind-boggler, the grating gives way to an absolutely dreadful Photoshop of a hole. Terrific.
Sending Briggs through the opening makes it triple in size and, of course, causes him to bitch having to do something.
Though, to be fair to Benny, the subtitles bitch and moan over things far more than he actually does. Indeed, he doesn't even say the second line in this one.
Who's up for a sewer system maze? Well, not really a maze per se... More like six screens in either direction of playing "hunt where the hell the developers stuck the next screen.". There is also a metal gate to the north of the central room, but it is sadly locked. Sadly, because I know I'll have to backtrack at least 8 screens to get to it eventually.
Six screens of sewers later....
Eventually, Captain Briggs happens upon the "Office of Woe". Oh, let me guess... It's the cute little meet the developers' room. At least (with the shit they're producing) it'd be an apt name if that were the case.
Oh good grief... Our newest stereotype is...I don't even know... He has a terrible German accent that the poorly scribbled subtitles do not do justice. So I'll transcribe the jittery little guy's speech for the full effect.
"Comerve in? Open ze door? Oh, nein, nein, nein. I would be too vorried. I would not sleep for a veek.
This is the face of a man you can trust, friend.
Actually, you know what...? I'm not going to transcribe that all. You'd miss the man with the most vacant, dead expression yet. Just assume every "W" is pronounce with a "V". The is pronounced "ze". And "no" is "nein". And you'd have...whatever the hell vaguely German stereotype they were going for.
Briggs makes a compelling argument, you have to admit.
Famous last words.
Briggs moseys into the Office of Woe...
Letting Captain Briggs into your home should at least add a double digit percentile increase to the worry factor of any work environment. And likely at least a five percent decrease in work efficiency, since he's likely to loot office supplies.
"Vhy did you vant to come in so badly if you didn't know vhat zes place is?"
<shrug> "Don't worry about it."
The Worrymeister...? And here I was worrying this would be something dumb. Well, that's a big load off to be sure.
"So.... What are you worrying about?"
"Other than ze strange man demanding entrance to ze office of worriers at this time of ze night?!"
"Personally, I was a bit apprehensive about that window over there. Weren't we in the sewers...? How does that even work?"
"Oy vey! I never even thought of zat! Oh dear. Oh nein, nein, nein."
Ben likes to watch. When you think nobody is around; late at night. But Ben is there. He is watching. He is waiting.
"OK! I promise... Scout's honor..."
"Oh dear, I am very worried about him...."
Despite the entire lovely, clearly not located in a sewer scenery, there actually isn't anything readily available to swipe in the Office of Woe. Benjamin Briggs is having none of this nonsense... He suspects the Worrymeister is hiding something of great value to his quest.
Remember that clamp we relieved Quagmire of a while back? Remember how the description mentions it has a GAG and BLIND setting?
Well, using ACTION on it will make old Benny Briggs toggle the setting; letting out a satisfied "Excellent!" when the task is complete.
Unfortunately, doing this destroys our improvised organic lockpick. Ben will still hold unto the finger though, for no readily apparent reason. At least until a troll wanders along and shakes it out of his pockets I suppose.
Well, that just looks unpleasant... Now, what are we going to do with this thing you ask? Briggs is far ahead of us in his scheming.
First, he's going to drop into stealth mode to get the jump on the Worrymeister... Wait, what? Why are we sneaking up on the guy who invited us into his home...? Briggs? Briggs?!
"You won't be needin' this, mate."
"What in ze world are you-?!"
JESUS CHRIST! What the FUCK is wrong with you?!
Wow...that was probably one of the most heinously assholish things to do to someone you've just met in pretty much anything ever. Doubly so when you discover what our reward turns out to be.
With the Worrymeister having bigger troubles on his conscious thanks to Benjamin, we're free to dig through his belongings unhindered. And what do we find for brutalizing a poor guy who was trying to be nice?
Arcane spell tomes, perhaps? Maybe a little black book of secrets to worry about/blackmail the other denizens of Limbo? Maybe even some quick cash? No... That would be far too pedestrian. Briggs' bounty for essentially shoving a bear trap into a man's eyes?
A fountain pen...
...and some ink...
Yes... Our hero strapped a torture device to the face of someone he'd just met in order to borrow a pen...
Let us all just take some time and reflect on that...
Meeting the Worrymeister
Benjamin Briggs: World Class Asshole (You should definitely watch this.)